Food is always an important part of life, but when you're growing a whole new human being in your stomach, there's an extra layer of intensity connected to food.
During those nine months of intense changes, pregnant people often find themselves navigating new cravings and eating habits. It makes sense to have a shift in appetite and habits, given all the new things your body is doing. Unfortunately, working through these changes with a partner can be more complicated than one would predict.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a pregnant woman asked if she was wrong for buying a separate fridge and locking her husband out of it. She wrote:
I (32f) am expecting my first child with my husband Paul (36m). Fake names. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and my biggest pregnancy issue is fatigue and, mainly, cravings and hunger. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to stay full.
I eat all day but have managed to still lose 3 pounds. The problem is we don’t always have what I want. So a few times a week, I stop at the store on my way home from work and stock up on my favorite snacks.
Pizza, pickles, fruit (especially oranges, grapes and watermelon), popcorn, chicken noodle soup, string cheese, etc. I’ve been doing this since maybe about 5 weeks. But every time I check the fridge, almost all my snacks are gone.
I keep telling Paul to stop eating my food and he says that it’s not a big deal and I can just get more. But the at involves me (not him) stopping at the store more and me (again, not him) spending more of my money.
Last week, I just snapped. I had bought my favorite ice cream: Neapolitan. I put it in the freezer and decided to take a nap before writing a paper (I’m currently getting my masters). I planned to have a bowl when I woke up and began working on it.
When I woke up, I went to freezer and saw it had been opened. Now, I can’t eat an entire quart of ice cream all by myself, so I wasn’t mad that he had some until I saw what he did to it.
My husband ate all of the strawberry side and left me with just the vanilla and chocolate. And the strawberry is my favorite part. I got mad and started yelling at him.
He told me it was unreasonable of me to bring food in the house and not expect him to have any of it.
But I told him that wasn’t what I expected but he knew that was my favorite ice cream and my favorite part of it was all gone and he’s always eating my snacks. He just told me run to the store and get some more.
So I just went back upstairs because he wasn’t listening. I opened my laptop and ordered a full-sized fridge ($2300), paid for from my personal savings account that he has never contributed to.
My husband and I don’t mingle our accounts together so he never saw I bought it until two days ago when it was delivered to our house. He came home from work and saw it plugged in our garage.
He asked why there were locks on it and how much it cost. I told him not to worry how much it cost and there were locks on it to make sure he doesn’t eat all my snacks for my cravings.
He said I can’t control what he eats, and I told him I’m just controlling who eats my snacks but the fridge in the house is open and he can have whatever is in that and the cabinets, but the fridge in the garage is for me only.
I haven’t had to go to the store at all this weekend and all my food is locked up, but Paul is not speaking to me for two reasons: for making a large purchase without talking to him first and for “turning food into a war” (his words). So AITA?
Edit: FYI, this is the only issue we’re having by right now. We’ve been married 2 years.
Edit 2: Also, I got a full size instead of a mini because ours in the kitchen is kinda old and I figured it could replace it should it go out. Or it could just be in the garage for the summer and we can put beers and sodas in it.
The generous people of the internet weighed in.
NTA for getting a refrigerator. You have every right to be annoyed and frustrated that he has no respect for you concerning food.
What bothers me is that after eating your food, he tells you to go out and buy more. That is some nerve. Why doesn't he go out himself and replace the food he took? He sounds extraordinarily selfish. Unless he is willing to have some kind of couples counseling, I'm afraid he will keep behaving this way even after the baby arrives.
You are so right. He's saying 'Yes, I ate all of the food you bought for growing my baby. I don't care that it upsets you.'
'No, I will not get up off my lazy a** and spend my money to replace your food. You just need to take your hungry, pregnant self back to the store so I have more food.'
This guy is a selfish jacka**. It doesn't seem like he cares about OP all that much. I wouldn't have bought a new fridge. I would have changed the locks.
OP you are NTA but you really need to seriously consider what your future is going to look like because I don't think his attitude is going to get better. Once your baby comes you will be a single mother of two.
Sounds like he turned it into a war first. NTA. Shame you have a child with this person already though, it will make the inevitable divorce messier.
NTA. The fact that he eats all your snacks and then refuses to go to the store to replace them with his own money, but expects you to constantly return to the store to replace them with your money is a massive red flag.
You're about to have this a**hole's baby, I think you need to consider couple's counseling because this is not a healthy partnership.
NTA, I had a friend who had to do something similar because her husband wouldn't stop eating the lunches she made for herself for work. Married people are still allowed to have their own separate stuff and can still expect that boundary to be respected.
NTA. Major red flags. This man is almost 40 and seems to not only lack any impulse control but also seems to purposefully go out of his way to anatagonize the woman who is currently carrying his child.
It seems unlikely OP wrote this expecting such intense advice around counseling and divorce, but here we are.