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<p>Dating is tough no matter how old you are. Regardless of whether you&#39;ve been on the scene for decades, or you&#39;re just spreading your romantic wings, there is truly no rule book for finding a meaningful relationship.</p><p>Nonetheless, there is an endless industry full of self-help books, dating advice columns, and dating experts doling out instructions on the dos and donts of navigating romance and hookups. So naturally, most of us with an ounce of experience have played our hand at love life guru from time to time.</p><p>Sadly though, the intentions behind romantic advice can often get lost in translation, particularly if you&#39;re talking to a teenager.</p><h2>In a recent post on the subreddit Am I The *sshole, a 20-year-old asked if he was wrong for giving his 15-year-old cousin dating advice.</h2><p> </p><blockquote> <p>&quot;AITA for giving my cousin honest dating advice?!&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>OP started the post by sharing that he was a late bloomer and empathizes with how difficult the high school years can be.</h2><p>Because of this, OP feels a particular solidarity with his 15-year-old cousin.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;Hey, so some backstory first. I&#39;m 20M, my cousin is 15M. I was a late bloomer, meaning I saw how fucking awful dating could be, and then how it all turned round when puberty hit me like a brick house, so I have perspective on how shallow most girls can be. My cousin is growing up, he&#39;s decent looking for his age, but is quite awkward.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>Since OP&#39;s teen cousin is shy and new to the world of love and lust, OP decided he would give him a list of dating pointers.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;He doesn&#39;t know how to deal with dating, since he&#39;s quite shy - so he&#39;s been asking me for advice. I gave him a list basically saying these things&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <ul> <li> <p>Be confident, you&#39;re out for your own best interests</p> </li> <li> <p>Don&#39;t settle for second best - meaning don&#39;t go after a girl that&#39;s not up to your standards - likewise don&#39;t be a second option to a girl. The moment she mentions another guy in a romantic/sexual way you blast her from your life</p> </li> <li> <p>Be <em>very</em> selective with relationships. Decent human beings are hard to come by in the dating world, even when you&#39;ve got it good. Most people in my honest opinion are good for short-term stuff but <em><strong>never</strong></em> as relationship/dating material. I told him that he&#39;s gonna make damn well sure a girl measures up before he gives any commitment.</p> </li> <li> <p>Deal with rejection quickly and efficiently. Get rejected? Move on - <strong>NEXT.</strong> Hanging around a girl that rejected you reflects horribly on you, it makes you look weak and is a waste of time for you. Don&#39;t hang around uninterested girls.</p> </li> <li> <p>&quot;Are you doing the rejection? Expect the same, and don&#39;t take any clinging.</p> </li> <li> <p>If in a relationship, don&#39;t let her change you. You are you, never change your way of life for <em>anyone&quot;</em></p> </li> </ul> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>OP&#39;s advice is fairly heavy on the emphasis that most girls aren&#39;t worth a relationship, and jumping into commitment isn&#39;t worth it.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;Anyway, my cousin took this to heart, he went to a party and apparently made out with a classmate. I&#39;m proud of him, but his mom (my aunt) got to hear my advice and is infuriated. She told me I was &quot;poisoning&quot; her sweet boy, and that he&#39;s fine just the way he is, and that having relationships is wayyy healthier than my method, also apparently it&#39;s &quot;toxic&quot;?</p> </blockquote><h2>Apparently, OP&#39;s cousin took the advice to heart and made out with a girl at a party with no plans to take her on a date.</h2><p>Somehow, OP&#39;s aunt found out about the advice, and is now angry at him for &quot;poisoning&quot; her teenage son.</p><blockquote> <p>&quot;She said I was being misogynistic and cruel with my logic and we aren&#39;t currently on speaking terms. Am I in the wrong here? I honestly think relationships are an extreme measure, most people are honestly not worth anything more than a fling (me included), and 15-year olds shouldn&#39;t waste their time with crushes and relationships.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>OP is adamant that he was only trying to help his cousin by dissuading him from jumping into relationships as a teenager.</h2><p>But now he&#39;s brought the situation to the internet for a larger consensus.</p><blockquote> <p>I only wanna help my cousin out here, <strong>AITA?&quot;</strong></p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/csvnm9/aita_for_giving_my_cousin_honest_dating_advice/" target="_blank">Embolisms</a> doesn&#39;t think OP is a jerk, because he&#39;s so young and still inexperienced himself, but offered some counteradvice.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;As someone a decade older, I think your advice is well meant but not fabulous. You seem really keen on the &quot;no emotions ever until you meet the perfect person&quot;, but you&#39;re missing the critical empathy, consideration, and introspection you develop when you enter a relationship--especially true for younger people who blunder around still egocentric from recent childhood. I would be very loathe to dating someone older with no relationship experience (even if they&#39;ve had plenty of sex)--it&#39;s a headache teaching someone how to share their lives and coexist in a relationship. Fine at 20, causes problems at 30.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Be very selective with relationships. Decent human beings are hard to come by.&quot;</p> <p>Lol at 15 years old, decent human beings are nowhere near fully developed. They&#39;re learning, growing, maturing. Relationship experience is important: you learn valuable insight about yourself, your wants, your needs, and most importantly--how to be considerate and empathetic towards another person who won&#39;t always be in 100% alignment with you.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;Not having any relationship experience, but holding out for tHe OnE fosters a choosingbeggar attitude towards relationships as you&#39;re anxious to choose The One--&quot;weird thumbs. NEXT! I don&#39;t like one of her friends. NEXT! She said something I didn&#39;t like once. NEXT!&quot; Except, you honestly won&#39;t know what to look out for unless you&#39;ve had some relationship experience under your belt. I started dating later in life because I also had anxiety about choosing The Right One.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;It led to some terrible relationships, because I didn&#39;t have enough experience to notice the warning signs and red flags. It could&#39;ve gotten too serious if it weren&#39;t for my friends warning me. Thankfully, because of the experiences I&#39;ve had since--good and bad--I have a pretty clear idea of the qualities I&#39;m looking for.... But you don&#39;t get there without experience. And you won&#39;t have experience if you refuse relationships looking for qualities you yourself don&#39;t fully know. See the problem?&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;Also, you&#39;re hardly a perfect person yourself--and gaining some introspection isn&#39;t a bad thing. Relationship experience is a two way street. Nobody is perfect, and with experience many young people are capable of changing or maturing if you&#39;re both receiving and good at communicating. If you&#39;ve never had an actual relationship, you probably won&#39;t realize what a lot of your own faults are. Also, emotionally shutting down as a defense mechanism gets old quickly.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;If in a relationship, don&#39;t let her change you&quot;</p> <p>Refusing to ever mature because you can&#39;t handle learning to make compromises and sharing your life with another person? Do you really want to be 40 years old with a 20 year old&#39;s mentalities because you don&#39;t ever want to change?&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Regardless, it&#39;s a step in the right direction and gave your cousin confidence to explore--15 is an appropriate age to start. You&#39;re only 20, it&#39;s just harmless peer advice--it&#39;s not like you&#39;re 45 coming from a place of expected wisdom and authority. NTA.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/csvnm9/aita_for_giving_my_cousin_honest_dating_advice/" target="_blank">Kaleopolitis</a> pointed out how the advice dehumanizes women in many ways, but ultimately took issue with the tone of it.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;NAH - Eh, I mostly take issue with the tone of the advice. You don&#39;t seem to treat women as people here, nor take into account the nuance of maintaining relationships. You&#39;re also coming at it from a logical point of view with little consideration for the very real emotional side. I feel as though you have a lot left to learn yourself, and I wish you all the best in finding your path.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;That said your aunt is ABSOLUTELY in her right to tell you not to give advice to HER child. Respect it, apologize, don&#39;t do it again.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/blizzaga1988/">blizzaga1988</a> pointed out some of the major logic flaws in the advice.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA? There is definitely a strong air of sexism/incel-ishness to this advice, even if some of it is good. I definitely agree with the &quot;be confident&quot; thing. I don&#39;t agree necessarily with the &quot;drop people who reject you&quot; thing, specifically the &quot;it makes you look weak&quot; nonsense. A man being able to still function around someone that rejected them <em>exudes </em>confidence to me, not frailty.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;You also literally can&#39;t possibly know how a relationship is going to end, re: the commitment thing. You can <em>never</em> be sure.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;But probably the &quot;never let her change you&quot; thing is the most bizarre, <em>especially to a 15 year old</em>. What 15 year old <em>doesn&#39;t</em> need to change??? I agree that, you know, certain passions and interests shouldn&#39;t be given up for another person, but everyone can stand to improve themselves and make themselves a little better bit by bit.</p> <p>Overall, the relationship advice you doled out seems pretty bleak.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/beepborpimajorp/">beepborpimajorp</a> pointed out the absurdity of telling a 15-year-old to &quot;never change themselves&quot; since compromise and growth is necessary for a healthy relationship.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA but you&#39;re young and I&#39;m hoping you&#39;ll grow out of it. Most girls aren&#39;t &#39;shallow&#39; and by thinking that you&#39;re poisoning your own well, to borrow the metaphor. You&#39;re also being ridiculous with your whole BE VERY SELECTIVE AND NEVER CHANGE thing. How, exactly, do you think he&#39;s going to get actual experience in a relationship if he never lets himself have one? And dating/making out is way different than having a relationship.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;I have a feeling this is why so many people make it to their 30&#39;s without a clue as to how to treat their partner once they want to settle down. As evidenced by a lot of posts in this very sub. Your advice about him not turning into a &#39;nice guy&#39; by pining over girls that reject him is sound. Everything else though...yikes.&quot;</p> </blockquote><p>Ultimately, the internet seemed to mostly side with the aunt&#39;s interpretation of the advice, while acknowledging that OP&#39;s intentions seem in the right place and he is still very young himself.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Aunt tells 20-year-old nephew he 'poisoned' her 15-year-old son by giving him dating advice.

Dating is tough no matter how old you are. Regardless of whether you&#39;ve been on the scene for decades, or you&#39;re just spreading your romantic wings, there is truly no rule book for finding a meaningful relationship.Nonetheless, there is an endless industry full of self-help books, dating advice columns, and dating experts doling out instructions on the dos and donts of navigating romance and hookups. So naturally, most of us with an ounce of experience have played our hand at love life guru from time to time.Sadly though, the intentions behind romantic advice can often get lost in translation, particularly if you&#39;re talking to a teenager.In a recent post on the subreddit Am I The *sshole, a 20-year-old asked if he was wrong for giving his 15-year-old cousin dating advice.  &quot;AITA for giving my cousin honest dating advice?!&quot; OP started the post by sharing that he was a late bloomer and empathizes with how difficult the high school years can be.Because of this, OP feels a particular solidarity with his 15-year-old cousin. &quot;Hey, so some backstory first. I&#39;m 20M, my cousin is 15M. I was a late bloomer, meaning I saw how fucking awful dating could be, and then how it all turned round when puberty hit me like a brick house, so I have perspective on how shallow most girls can be. My cousin is growing up, he&#39;s decent looking for his age, but is quite awkward.&quot; Since OP&#39;s teen cousin is shy and new to the world of love and lust, OP decided he would give him a list of dating pointers. &quot;He doesn&#39;t know how to deal with dating, since he&#39;s quite shy - so he&#39;s been asking me for advice. I gave him a list basically saying these things&quot;    Be confident, you&#39;re out for your own best interests   Don&#39;t settle for second best - meaning don&#39;t go after a girl that&#39;s not up to your standards - likewise don&#39;t be a second option to a girl. The moment she mentions another guy in a romantic/sexual way you blast her from your life   Be very selective with relationships. Decent human beings are hard to come by in the dating world, even when you&#39;ve got it good. Most people in my honest opinion are good for short-term stuff but never as relationship/dating material. I told him that he&#39;s gonna make damn well sure a girl measures up before he gives any commitment.   Deal with rejection quickly and efficiently. Get rejected? Move on - NEXT. Hanging around a girl that rejected you reflects horribly on you, it makes you look weak and is a waste of time for you. Don&#39;t hang around uninterested girls.   &quot;Are you doing the rejection? Expect the same, and don&#39;t take any clinging.   If in a relationship, don&#39;t let her change you. You are you, never change your way of life for anyone&quot;   OP&#39;s advice is fairly heavy on the emphasis that most girls aren&#39;t worth a relationship, and jumping into commitment isn&#39;t worth it. &quot;Anyway, my cousin took this to heart, he went to a party and apparently made out with a classmate. I&#39;m proud of him, but his mom (my aunt) got to hear my advice and is infuriated. She told me I was &quot;poisoning&quot; her sweet boy, and that he&#39;s fine just the way he is, and that having relationships is wayyy healthier than my method, also apparently it&#39;s &quot;toxic&quot;? Apparently, OP&#39;s cousin took the advice to heart and made out with a girl at a party with no plans to take her on a date.Somehow, OP&#39;s aunt found out about the advice, and is now angry at him for &quot;poisoning&quot; her teenage son. &quot;She said I was being misogynistic and cruel with my logic and we aren&#39;t currently on speaking terms. Am I in the wrong here? I honestly think relationships are an extreme measure, most people are honestly not worth anything more than a fling (me included), and 15-year olds shouldn&#39;t waste their time with crushes and relationships. OP is adamant that he was only trying to help his cousin by dissuading him from jumping into relationships as a teenager.But now he&#39;s brought the situation to the internet for a larger consensus. I only wanna help my cousin out here, AITA?&quot; Embolisms doesn&#39;t think OP is a jerk, because he&#39;s so young and still inexperienced himself, but offered some counteradvice. &quot;As someone a decade older, I think your advice is well meant but not fabulous. You seem really keen on the &quot;no emotions ever until you meet the perfect person&quot;, but you&#39;re missing the critical empathy, consideration, and introspection you develop when you enter a relationship--especially true for younger people who blunder around still egocentric from recent childhood. I would be very loathe to dating someone older with no relationship experience (even if they&#39;ve had plenty of sex)--it&#39;s a headache teaching someone how to share their lives and coexist in a relationship. Fine at 20, causes problems at 30.&quot;  &quot;Be very selective with relationships. Decent human beings are hard to come by.&quot; Lol at 15 years old, decent human beings are nowhere near fully developed. They&#39;re learning, growing, maturing. Relationship experience is important: you learn valuable insight about yourself, your wants, your needs, and most importantly--how to be considerate and empathetic towards another person who won&#39;t always be in 100% alignment with you.&quot;  &quot;Not having any relationship experience, but holding out for tHe OnE fosters a choosingbeggar attitude towards relationships as you&#39;re anxious to choose The One--&quot;weird thumbs. NEXT! I don&#39;t like one of her friends. NEXT! She said something I didn&#39;t like once. NEXT!&quot; Except, you honestly won&#39;t know what to look out for unless you&#39;ve had some relationship experience under your belt. I started dating later in life because I also had anxiety about choosing The Right One.&quot;  &quot;It led to some terrible relationships, because I didn&#39;t have enough experience to notice the warning signs and red flags. It could&#39;ve gotten too serious if it weren&#39;t for my friends warning me. Thankfully, because of the experiences I&#39;ve had since--good and bad--I have a pretty clear idea of the qualities I&#39;m looking for.... But you don&#39;t get there without experience. And you won&#39;t have experience if you refuse relationships looking for qualities you yourself don&#39;t fully know. See the problem?&quot;  &quot;Also, you&#39;re hardly a perfect person yourself--and gaining some introspection isn&#39;t a bad thing. Relationship experience is a two way street. Nobody is perfect, and with experience many young people are capable of changing or maturing if you&#39;re both receiving and good at communicating. If you&#39;ve never had an actual relationship, you probably won&#39;t realize what a lot of your own faults are. Also, emotionally shutting down as a defense mechanism gets old quickly.&quot;  &quot;If in a relationship, don&#39;t let her change you&quot; Refusing to ever mature because you can&#39;t handle learning to make compromises and sharing your life with another person? Do you really want to be 40 years old with a 20 year old&#39;s mentalities because you don&#39;t ever want to change?&quot;  &quot;Regardless, it&#39;s a step in the right direction and gave your cousin confidence to explore--15 is an appropriate age to start. You&#39;re only 20, it&#39;s just harmless peer advice--it&#39;s not like you&#39;re 45 coming from a place of expected wisdom and authority. NTA.&quot; Kaleopolitis pointed out how the advice dehumanizes women in many ways, but ultimately took issue with the tone of it. &quot;NAH - Eh, I mostly take issue with the tone of the advice. You don&#39;t seem to treat women as people here, nor take into account the nuance of maintaining relationships. You&#39;re also coming at it from a logical point of view with little consideration for the very real emotional side. I feel as though you have a lot left to learn yourself, and I wish you all the best in finding your path.&quot;  &quot;That said your aunt is ABSOLUTELY in her right to tell you not to give advice to HER child. Respect it, apologize, don&#39;t do it again.&quot; blizzaga1988 pointed out some of the major logic flaws in the advice. &quot;YTA? There is definitely a strong air of sexism/incel-ishness to this advice, even if some of it is good. I definitely agree with the &quot;be confident&quot; thing. I don&#39;t agree necessarily with the &quot;drop people who reject you&quot; thing, specifically the &quot;it makes you look weak&quot; nonsense. A man being able to still function around someone that rejected them exudes confidence to me, not frailty.&quot;  &quot;You also literally can&#39;t possibly know how a relationship is going to end, re: the commitment thing. You can never be sure.&quot;  &quot;But probably the &quot;never let her change you&quot; thing is the most bizarre, especially to a 15 year old. What 15 year old doesn&#39;t need to change??? I agree that, you know, certain passions and interests shouldn&#39;t be given up for another person, but everyone can stand to improve themselves and make themselves a little better bit by bit. Overall, the relationship advice you doled out seems pretty bleak.&quot; beepborpimajorp pointed out the absurdity of telling a 15-year-old to &quot;never change themselves&quot; since compromise and growth is necessary for a healthy relationship. &quot;YTA but you&#39;re young and I&#39;m hoping you&#39;ll grow out of it. Most girls aren&#39;t &#39;shallow&#39; and by thinking that you&#39;re poisoning your own well, to borrow the metaphor. You&#39;re also being ridiculous with your whole BE VERY SELECTIVE AND NEVER CHANGE thing. How, exactly, do you think he&#39;s going to get actual experience in a relationship if he never lets himself have one? And dating/making out is way different than having a relationship.&quot;  &quot;I have a feeling this is why so many people make it to their 30&#39;s without a clue as to how to treat their partner once they want to settle down. As evidenced by a lot of posts in this very sub. Your advice about him not turning into a &#39;nice guy&#39; by pining over girls that reject him is sound. Everything else though...yikes.&quot; Ultimately, the internet seemed to mostly side with the aunt&#39;s interpretation of the advice, while acknowledging that OP&#39;s intentions seem in the right place and he is still very young himself.

There is truly no rule book for finding a meaningful relationship.