Brazilian woman 'humiliates' American friend after she calls her culture 'backwards.'

Some people can't resist poking the bear, and then act shocked when they get attacked in return.

In friend groups, it's not uncommon for there to be one person who is less sensitive about the passing comments and jabs they make. This can be waved off to a certain point, but everyone has their limits.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for 'humiliating' her friend after a series of derisive comments about her family.

She wrote:

AITA for “humiliating” my friend in order to make a point?

Hello Reddit, my friend group is divided on this and I was advised to make a post here.

Here’s some background information to the problem: I (25F) hosted dinner a few weeks ago at my place. Everyone was having fun and the topic of moving out and charging your adult children rent came up.

I’m not American and if I’m being honest I didn’t even know this was a common thing. I told my friends that in Brazil this would be looked down upon and that I didn’t know a single person who paid rent to their parents.

I have three grown sisters who live “at home” and no one pays a cent. I finished my speech saying that it’s fine if they disagree with me, but I personally would never charge my children rent if I wasn’t struggling.

My friend Amy (27F) said that someone from a third-world country wouldn’t understand (?!?) and that my sisters shouldn’t freeload.

I told her it wasn’t like that, my parents love to have them around and that it’s common, if not expected, to live with your parents until you get married/find a long-time partner. Amy replied by saying that my culture is backwards.

I tried to not get offended over her choice of words and said “agree to disagree.” Back to the present: I hosted again last night and told my friends that my older sister is engaged.

Amy proceeds to ask if she’s finally going to grow up now, or if mommy and daddy will pay rent for her elsewhere.

I was sick of her comments (not the only thing she said this past week) and said that no, my sister is buying her own condo with my brother-in-law, and that she could do the same soon if her parents didn’t charge her $1000 + utilities every month.

This erupted into a fight and dinner was cut short. Some of my friends think I should apologize to Amy to keep peace but I don’t think I should. Am I in the wrong here?

People quickly weighed in with their hot takes.

prairiemountainzen asked OP a key question in their comment:

I don't understand how your friends are split about this? NTA, clearly. Amy was being insulting and rude, and she's the one who owes an apology to you.

OP responded, with a little more context:

My friends are torn because Amy is very sensitive when it comes to housing. She had to go back to her parents after breaking up with her boyfriend and is ashamed of it.

I thought that she would feel better knowing that this is very common is a lot of cultures but what do I know lol.

Amy has been very rude to me ever since she found out that my parents helped me pay for the down payment of my condo and I’m growing tired of it.

Vegetable-Bee-7545 wrote:

So this “friend” has been racist on multiple occasions and you kept your mouth shut. But because you finally fought back against her racism, you need to apologize?

OMG all your “friends” are racist. Get better friends.

NTA.

Fun-Office-2954 wrote:

OP, you are absolutely NTA here. I moved out for college at 18 and just never went back to live with my dad. I love visiting and I really would love to move closer now that my husband and I had our son (he turned 3 last week).

I don't know if my dad would charge me rent or not if we moved in, but I don't think it matters either way. What works for one family may not work for another. That's fine!

Amy was RUDE, racist, and downright disgusting for the way she spoke about your family. I don't care how sensitive she is; she is 100% in the wrong here.

She owes YOU an apology. I hope you don't cave on this and apologize to her for standing up for yourself. I'm so sorry that she said those awful things about your family.

zetalb wrote:

NTA. You didn't humiliate her, but she sure as hell tried to humiliate you, your sisters, and your entire culture.

As a Brazilian, I will never understand why Americans think it's so bizarre to live with family after turning 18. I don't get why splitting the bills with strangers makes you more of an adult than splitting the bills with your parents.

And during a housing crisis, too! It doesn't make financial sense to me, tbh, but it doesn't have to. All I have to do is respect that different cultures work in different ways, a basic manners lesson your friend has yet to learn.

And that is putting it mildly, bc the truth is that her comments were extremely xenophobic.

On one hand, OP is clearly in the right. But the downside is it might mean it's time to ditch her enabling 'friend' group.