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Bride asks fiancé to remove trans BFF from wedding party, 'my family is traditional.'

Bride asks fiancé to remove trans BFF from wedding party, 'my family is traditional.'


Getting married means finding compromises with your partner on how you want to organize your wedding, and who you want to be there.

The only problem is, some things can't be compromised, and asking a partner to exclude a good friend because of drama with your family or friends can create an endless loop of fighting.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her husband he needs a new 'best man' since his best friend has come out as a trans woman.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my fiance that he needs to pick a new best man?

My fiance, Kevin (M28) and I( F30) had initially planned to get married a few years ago but due to the fact that the world was falling apart, we postponed it until things calmed down and our family felt safer at a big event.

We've now set a date for this coming August and as we get closer more and more thoughts keep coming to me about how it should go. My biggest issue is that Kevin's best man is no longer his best man and is now his best woman.

Kevin and Amy (MTF26) have been friends for a little over a decade and when they first met up until two years ago when our wedding was supposed to happen Amy identified as a man.

Kevin and Amy have always had a very close almost sibling-like relationship, Kevin had been kicked out by his mom at 17 and met Amy at work shortly after.

She's been very close with him and he's told me multiple times that she is the closest thing he has to any family. Initially, Amy had planned to not come out to Kevin until after the wedding but after finding out that the wedding was going to be delayed she came out to him.

Without consulting me Kevin told her that he was fine with all of that and that if she was at a stage where she'd like to wear a dress when our wedding happened that he would find her a dress that matched the colors he had for his groomsmen.

Amy has been medically transitioning for about a year or less now and Kevin told me that we need to find her a dress. I don't have a problem with Amy and I understand how close she is to Kevin but our wedding is largely for my very traditional family.

Kevin has often said that this wedding isn't that important to him and that the only reason he's doing it is because it's important to me and my family. I know that my family would have a lot of issues with Amy which I'm sure would bring a lot of unwanted or outright rude attention towards her.

For this reason, I've asked my fiance to choose someone else to be his best man and request that Amy attend as just a guest.

This lead to a large fight between the two of us with Kevin threatening to cancel the wedding if Amy can't be part of the wedding party because he wants someone from his family in it. I'm trying to get him to understand the issues this will cause but I'm not sure he gets it. AITA?

People did not hold back with their thoughts and judgments.

realstareyes wrote:

YTA. This is incredibly transphobic! Amy is his best friend and when your fiancé chooses her as his best man, you have to respect that, and so does your family.

Your family is the problem, not Amy. And you should hold your fiancé‘s back and support his decision if you want your relationship to last.

Jjustingraham wrote:

'I'm not transphobic! But my family is, so please do this sh**ty thing to your best friend on behalf of my family. But not me! I'm not transphobic!'

Pepito_Pepito wrote:

YTA. Think carefully about what beliefs you're trying to protect here.

CrystalQueen3000 wrote:

YTA. You’re choosing to cater to your family’s bigotry instead of supporting your fiancé to have someone he considers family as a part of his wedding.

QuiteBearish wrote:

YTA and personally I think Kevin should cancel the wedding. You've revealed your colors.

If you're willing to 86 his best friend from the wedding to placate your conservative family... You should probably just find a conservative husband rather than one who cares about his friends. Your husband sounds like a great guy, and you don't deserve him.

Spare-Article-396 wrote:

YTA completely. It’s not even about Amy, but about you prioritizing your family’s feelings over that of your husband’s. As an aside…how does this play out?

Your husband tells Amy she can’t be best man because it would make your family uncomfortable? How do you see that working out for him and Amy? They’ve transcended friendship and consider each other family. You willing to force him to destroy that?

This was about as unanimous as you get on here. OP and Kevin have some big talks ahead of them.

Sources: Reddit
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