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Bride furious at maid-of-honor's husband for making birthday plan day before wedding.

Bride furious at maid-of-honor's husband for making birthday plan day before wedding.

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The question of what responsibilities a maid-of-honor should take on is widely contested.

For some weddings, the maid-of-honor's primary task is to dress up nice, support the bride as she gets ready, and plan a fun bachelorette party.

In others, however, the maid-of-honor doubles as a wedding planner of sorts, providing logistical support months before the wedding day.

As long as the maid-of-honor feels okay with her responsibilities, there's no right or wrong way to divvy up tasks. But that's the key: making sure the maid-of-honor doesn't feel taken advantage of.

Because of the wide variety of perspectives, lots of these wedding situations are brought to the internet for discussion on the AITA subreddit.

In one popular post, a bride asked if she was wrong for wanting her MOH to spend her birthday with OP, instead of her husband.

She wrote:

'AITA for thinking my MOH should spend the day before my wedding with me?​​​​​​'

My (33f) fiancé (29m) and I are getting married in August. We happen to share the same birthday, and our wedding is the day after. My MOH (B, 25f) also has the same birthday as us.

So for the day before the wedding, I had suggested to Bex that she join us (mine and fiancé's family) for lunch and then help me to prepare for my wedding day. I also asked that she share a hotel room with me the night before, so she can be there for me the moment I wake up, to support and calm me.

She agreed to stay in the hotel with me but was a bit vague about agreeing to lunch, as she said she didn't know if she would have plans. (This was a few weeks ago.) Skip to today and Bex's husband (Lee) messages me to say that he's organized a romantic day out for Bex's birthday, ending with a concert.

He told me that it was going to be a surprise for her, so he was letting me know in advance so that I could plan for her absence the day before the wedding. I will admit that I became sharp with Lee.

I told him it was inconsiderate of him to book something for Bex the day before my wedding when he knew she had responsibilities. Lee told me I was a 'crazy bridezilla' if I thought I was going to make Bex do 'slave labor' on her birthday.

(Bex is really good at organizing, and she loves to help. I don't think she'd see it that way.) Lee did say that if Bex still wanted to come back to my hotel room after the concert that he wouldn't stop her, but that I cannot have her during the day.

I went to one of my bridesmaids, Val 29f, and she agreed with Lee that I obviously have to let Bex go off and enjoy her birthday. I told Val I was annoyed that Lee hadn't even asked me if I could spare Bex, he had just told me she wasn't going to be available.

I also told her that Lee hadn't even offered me his concert ticket, so that Bex, my MOH and I could have a fun evening together the day before my wedding.

She told someone what I said and now I'm getting hateful messages from my other bridesmaid and friends saying I can't behave that way. All I want is to spend the day before my wedding with my MOH, am I really the a**hole?

I'll add that I don't know if Bex knows yet. She's organized so much for me, so I think that she would help me if I asked her.

Edit: For everyone asking why I'm relying on Bex so much, it's because my fiancé hasn't been much help during the whole process so I obviously need someone to lean on and talk to about my vision for the day. Edit 2: I can't afford a wedding planner.

People had a lot of thoughts about OP's posts, and they didn't hesitate to share them.

IReallyLoveNifflers wrote:

WOOOOOOOOOW. Wow. Huge YTA. Seems to me like you've been taking advantage of a kind friend. Let your MOH enjoy her birthday. She'll be there with you at the wedding. (Also, you're a bridezilla.)

Infamous_Control_778 wrote:

YTA, bridezilla. Your MOH does actually have a life of her own, she is not your emotional support animal.

jessszilla wrote:

'I told him it was inconsiderate of him to book something for Bex the day before my wedding when he knew she had responsibilities.' What 'responsibilities' does she have the day before your wedding? Going to your birthday lunch isn't a MOH responsibility.

'Lee hadn't even offered me his concert ticket, so that Bex, my MOH and I could have a fun evening together the day before my wedding.' This is a joke right? You are being over-the-top and you really need to take a step back. YTA Bridezilla.

Low-Song-7968 wrote:

I just realized you wanted his concert ticket. You really are insufferable! Let her enjoy her life, being your friend is already a chore in itself.

Diligent-Activity-70 wrote:

Being willing to stand up with you at your wedding does not mean that she doesn't have a life of her own. Her husband scheduled a special birthday for her - you should be happy for her that she is loved so much, not pissy that her husband didn't ask you for permission.

You seriously asked a married woman to spend the night with you, on her birthday, and don't see that as crossing any lines? After her romantic day and concert with her husband, they should spend the night together.

If you can't be on your own from the second you wake up in the morning then you may not be mature enough to be married. YTA so many times over.

Active_Win_3656 wrote:

YTA. Just bc your fiancé won’t help and you don’t have the finances for a planner doesn’t mean Bex has to pick up the slack. Especially when you knew it was her birthday and it’s not even her wedding.

She’s allowed to have a nice bday. If anything, you should’ve made your wedding simpler if you have literally no one to help you (and where are your mom, dad, any other friends…?)

Clearly, no one is siding with OP on this thread.

Sources: Reddit
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