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<h2>Sometimes it&#39;s more important to earn your child&#39;s trust than it is to punish them for breaking a rule...</h2><p>Especially when it comes to raising teenagers who think they&#39;re immortal, sparkly vampires with unbreakable bodies of stone and an alcohol tolerance of an elephant, sometimes you need to make sure your kids trust you enough to ask for help if they ever feel unsafe. While most parents tell their teens that they won&#39;t ask them any questions if they ever need to be picked up from a rowdy house party and can&#39;t drive themselves home, that concept is a lot simpler in theory than it is in practice. Do most parents really have the restraint to not punish their teens for underage drinking and overall reckless decision-making? Probably not.</p><p>So, when a dad consulted the internet&#39;s moral compass of Reddit&#39;s 'Am I the As*hole?' to ask for a verdict on whether or not he did the right thing to keep his daughter&#39;s partying a secret from his wife, people were ready to help.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hr2awo/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_that_our_daughter/" target="_blank">AITA</a> (Am I the As*hole?) for not telling my wife that our daughter snuck out to a party late at night?</h2><blockquote> <p>On Sunday at around 3 a.m, I received a call from my 16 year old daughter Brittany saying that she snuck out of the house and needed me to pick her up. She told me that she was a little drunk and that the friend who drove her left her behind and that more people were showing up at the party and she was uncomfortable. I begrudgingly told her sure and to wait for me somewhere safe.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I picked her up and got fast food with her so we could have time to talk without waking up the house. I told her how disappointed I was and that what she did wasn&#39;t fair to me since I have to work. She profusely apologized and told me that she wouldn&#39;t sneak out of the house again. However, she begged me not tell her Mom because she is ridiculously strict with types of thingsand I do sympathize with her as she is a teen so these types of things will happen no matter . I also was afraid that if I told her Mom that she would never trust me again and feel like that could be dangerous in case she ever needed help (like now).</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>So things were fine until Monday night when my wife saw a picture of the party on Instagram and Brittany was in it....... My wife lost her mind and started to interrogate Brittany about what she was doing , who was there, etc . She got really mad at her and made Brittany cry and go to her room. The problem though was that my wife asked how Brittany got there and back and she told the truth.... Now my wife is infuriated with me for not telling her. She got even more mad when I told her why I didn&#39;t. I said that I knew how she would react, that I didn&#39;t want to break Brittany&#39;s trust, and how protecting her safety (I want her to call me when she&#39;s in those situations) was more important than us telling each other everything. She stormed off too and we haven&#39;t really spoken much since then. AITA (Am I the As*hole?)</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Also to note, we&#39;re in a country where social gatherings are still allowed so she wasn&#39;t mad about the covid aspect.</p> </blockquote><h2>People were quick to offer their opinion:</h2><blockquote> <p>It is a sh*tty situation but I would have made the same call and I think you are right that it is more important that your daughter trusts you. Mistakes happen. Kids sneak out. Lessons are learned. But you put yourself in a better position to be able to help her faster in a BIG mistake if she trusts you. - princezz_zelda</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You should have discussed it with your wife, if only to assure her that you&#39;ve already handled the situation. Your wife needs to control her tendency to fly off the handle as well. You&#39;re <em>right</em> that you want your daughter to choose the safest course of action when she&#39;s feeling like she needs help. Your wife is <em>right</em> that she should have been told. - magstar222</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Your daughter trusted you enough to call you when she put herself into a sticky situation. That&rsquo;s what teenagers do. You didn&rsquo;t betray her trust and that&rsquo;s super important. Your wife on the other hand needs to get it together. Doesn&rsquo;t she remember what being 16 was like?</p> <p>Reacting the way she did is a real easy way to make your daughter exhibit actual sneaky characteristics. - Dismal-Passenger</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I think it&#39;s great that your daughter called you to pick her up because she didn&#39;t feel safe. She clearly trusts you more than her mom and she&#39;s mature enough to admit it. That being said, it wasn&#39;t good to keep this from your wife. There&#39;s always a chance of her finding out (which she did) and by doing so you basically let her know that you don&#39;t trust her and that you&#39;re keeping secrets from her. I think you two should have told your wife the morning after and try to agree on a light punishment. After all, she didn&#39;t have permission to sneak out to that party. - PygmeePony</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I agree with every reason you said. You keeping your daughter safe and trying to not break her trust was really important. I grew with with parent like you and your wife, knowing I could trust my dad no matter what helped me a lot. I still call my dad whenever I feel troubled and I never hid anything from him.</p> <p>On the other hand, she is your wife&#39;s daughter as well and she needed to know. I understand her frustration. You should have talked to your daughter and convinced her to tell the mum in the morning or evening after the party. It would be better for everyone. - reallynotsohappy</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>It is good that your daughter trusts you enough to call when she needed help. Better that than stuck at a party where she is uncomfortable. - 21CenGal</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>you and your wife should be parent as a team. This situation makes you the savior and her the villain.</p> <p>I think it&rsquo;s great you wanted to make sure your daughter still trusts you, but I see why your wife is furious. - Dead2MyFamily</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>So, there you have it!</h2><p>The general opinion is that while it is critical that your children (especially teenagers) trust you as their parent, it&#39;s also necessary that you and your partner are on the same page in how you co-parent. Keeping secrets from one another can escalate into bigger communication problems down the road for each member of the family, and this dad should&#39;ve probably told his wife about the party. That being said, he wasn&#39;t totally in the wrong and the fact that matters most is that his daughter is safe. Good luck everyone!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Dad asks if he was wrong to keep secret about daughter sneaking out of the house from his wife.

Kimberly Dinaro

Sometimes it&#39;s more important to earn your child&#39;s trust than it is to punish them for breaking a rule...Especially when it comes to raising teenagers who think they&#39;re immortal, sparkly vampires with unbreakable bodies of stone and an alcohol tolerance of an elephant, sometimes you need to make sure your kids trust you enough to ask for help if they ever feel unsafe. While most parents tell their teens that they won&#39;t ask them any questions if they ever need to be picked up from a rowdy house party and can&#39;t drive themselves home, that concept is a lot simpler in theory than it is in practice. Do most parents really have the restraint to not punish their teens for underage drinking and overall reckless decision-making? Probably not.So, when a dad consulted the internet&#39;s moral compass of Reddit&#39;s 'Am I the As*hole?' to ask for a verdict on whether or not he did the right thing to keep his daughter&#39;s partying a secret from his wife, people were ready to help.AITA (Am I the As*hole?) for not telling my wife that our daughter snuck out to a party late at night? On Sunday at around 3 a.m, I received a call from my 16 year old daughter Brittany saying that she snuck out of the house and needed me to pick her up. She told me that she was a little drunk and that the friend who drove her left her behind and that more people were showing up at the party and she was uncomfortable. I begrudgingly told her sure and to wait for me somewhere safe.   I picked her up and got fast food with her so we could have time to talk without waking up the house. I told her how disappointed I was and that what she did wasn&#39;t fair to me since I have to work. She profusely apologized and told me that she wouldn&#39;t sneak out of the house again. However, she begged me not tell her Mom because she is ridiculously strict with types of thingsand I do sympathize with her as she is a teen so these types of things will happen no matter . I also was afraid that if I told her Mom that she would never trust me again and feel like that could be dangerous in case she ever needed help (like now).   So things were fine until Monday night when my wife saw a picture of the party on Instagram and Brittany was in it....... My wife lost her mind and started to interrogate Brittany about what she was doing , who was there, etc . She got really mad at her and made Brittany cry and go to her room. The problem though was that my wife asked how Brittany got there and back and she told the truth.... Now my wife is infuriated with me for not telling her. She got even more mad when I told her why I didn&#39;t. I said that I knew how she would react, that I didn&#39;t want to break Brittany&#39;s trust, and how protecting her safety (I want her to call me when she&#39;s in those situations) was more important than us telling each other everything. She stormed off too and we haven&#39;t really spoken much since then. AITA (Am I the As*hole?)  Also to note, we&#39;re in a country where social gatherings are still allowed so she wasn&#39;t mad about the covid aspect. People were quick to offer their opinion: It is a sh*tty situation but I would have made the same call and I think you are right that it is more important that your daughter trusts you. Mistakes happen. Kids sneak out. Lessons are learned. But you put yourself in a better position to be able to help her faster in a BIG mistake if she trusts you. - princezz_zelda  You should have discussed it with your wife, if only to assure her that you&#39;ve already handled the situation. Your wife needs to control her tendency to fly off the handle as well. You&#39;re right that you want your daughter to choose the safest course of action when she&#39;s feeling like she needs help. Your wife is right that she should have been told. - magstar222   Your daughter trusted you enough to call you when she put herself into a sticky situation. That&rsquo;s what teenagers do. You didn&rsquo;t betray her trust and that&rsquo;s super important. Your wife on the other hand needs to get it together. Doesn&rsquo;t she remember what being 16 was like? Reacting the way she did is a real easy way to make your daughter exhibit actual sneaky characteristics. - Dismal-Passenger  I think it&#39;s great that your daughter called you to pick her up because she didn&#39;t feel safe. She clearly trusts you more than her mom and she&#39;s mature enough to admit it. That being said, it wasn&#39;t good to keep this from your wife. There&#39;s always a chance of her finding out (which she did) and by doing so you basically let her know that you don&#39;t trust her and that you&#39;re keeping secrets from her. I think you two should have told your wife the morning after and try to agree on a light punishment. After all, she didn&#39;t have permission to sneak out to that party. - PygmeePony  I agree with every reason you said. You keeping your daughter safe and trying to not break her trust was really important. I grew with with parent like you and your wife, knowing I could trust my dad no matter what helped me a lot. I still call my dad whenever I feel troubled and I never hid anything from him. On the other hand, she is your wife&#39;s daughter as well and she needed to know. I understand her frustration. You should have talked to your daughter and convinced her to tell the mum in the morning or evening after the party. It would be better for everyone. - reallynotsohappy  It is good that your daughter trusts you enough to call when she needed help. Better that than stuck at a party where she is uncomfortable. - 21CenGal  you and your wife should be parent as a team. This situation makes you the savior and her the villain. I think it&rsquo;s great you wanted to make sure your daughter still trusts you, but I see why your wife is furious. - Dead2MyFamily So, there you have it!The general opinion is that while it is critical that your children (especially teenagers) trust you as their parent, it&#39;s also necessary that you and your partner are on the same page in how you co-parent. Keeping secrets from one another can escalate into bigger communication problems down the road for each member of the family, and this dad should&#39;ve probably told his wife about the party. That being said, he wasn&#39;t totally in the wrong and the fact that matters most is that his daughter is safe. Good luck everyone!

Sometimes it&#39;s more important to earn your child&#39;s trust than it is to punish them for breaking a rule...  Especially when it comes to raising teenagers who think they&#39;re immortal, sparkly vampires with unbreakable bodies of...