Dad skips cheating son's second wedding, spends it with ex daughter-in-law instead.

Recognizing when one of your kids has done someone else wrong can feel complicated, particularly when they're all grown up.

In many families, there's an assumption that parents should back up their adult kids in relationships, regardless of whether they've been treating their partner well or not.

When a parent breaks rank and supports the upset spouse, or worse yet, they support the ex, it can cause massive ripples in the family.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for skipping his son's second wedding.

He wrote:

AITA? I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex-wife.

Quick backstory, after graduating high school my son moved 3 states away for college. At 19 he married a girl he met, I tried convincing him to wait because I personally felt he was too immature.

They both dropped out and moved back here to his hometown. At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL gave birth to their second child, a little boy.

After the first baby, my wife and I noticed our DIL wasn’t happy. We both thought it was PPD related. Just after the second arrived, my son and his wife separated. She would bring the kids over for a visit, it was then she began unloading on us.

I know there’s two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her. I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage.

He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem. They got into counseling, for a year things were ‘ok’ on the surface.

Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged. My son had forced his then wife to become a permanent SAHM at the birth of their first child.

She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.

Before the divorce was even finalized, we received a wedding invitation. I made it clear to my son, I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend.

I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children. The wedding happened on Feb 11. The night before, my wife gave me the final push. I did not attend.

Our daughter, also did not attend for the same reasons. My wife picked up our grandkids, got them dressed and attended the wedding. My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex.

I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kid’s attended their father’s wedding. She was taken aback that I didn’t end up attending his wedding. We took her out to distract her mind.

I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful.

I realized just how badly she needed our support and specifically on that night. The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding.

Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only.

The internet weighed in with their thoughts.

StAlvis wrote:

NTA. 'Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged.'

Eww.

The best children are the ones you choose.

Posterbomber wrote:

NTA - this is funny, you have to 'earn' a relationship on his terms. I think he needs to check his offering. He's way over valuing what he brings to the table.

nurse-ratchet- wrote:

NTA- it sounds like you’re a reasonable parent who acknowledges when your kid is being an idiot. I don’t see anything wrong with you choosing to support the mother of your grandchildren who he seems to have left in a bad spot.

OrangeSpiceNinja wrote:

NTA. He wanted a trophy wife, immediately got into a relationship with another woman when he got divorced, and tried to manipulate both you and her.

Unlike some comments that will undoubtedly come, the relationship you have with your ex DIL is yours, not dependent on him. Good for you for helping her out through this difficult time and for standing against the AH son.

SeaSnow1010 wrote:

NTA.

And OP, you win FIL of the year award. Your son seems to be very very immature.

You received an invitation and already made it clear you would not attend. And the way you helped the DIL, is a testament to what a kind man you are. You and your daughter have the morals your son will never be able to see.

PJfanRI wrote:

NTA. I don't understand people that think you are required to side with family members regardless of their decisions.

From the sounds of it, your son wasn't faithful to your DIL. He is the one that did wrong, not her. Why punish someone you care about when they're the victim? The son is an a**hole. He made his bed, now he gets to sleep in it.

Major_Barnacle_2212 wrote:

Wow. I feel like it's hard to fully judge without knowing the issues of a marriage, but based on the timeline you shared of your son's 'girlfriend' announcement, it speaks volumes.

Your daughter aligning in your views also says something about the arc of the relationship.

I think it's very brave for you to see your daughter-in-law (I guess now she's your daughter-in-love, not law) as a person who most needs family and your support.

Standing with your beliefs may have cost you a relationship with your son, and likely with future grandchildren. But it will have profoundly impacted the life of some very real humans in your life now.

Sometimes family comes to us outside of blood. It sounds like you found someone you genuinely brought into yours, and don't want to see wronged, even by another family member. NTA, in my opinion.

In response to some of the comments, OP shared a comment clarifying the nature of his son's past relationship more in-depth.

He tried controlling his ex-wife. When they married she was blonde. Shortly after she had brown hair. After having the two kids, she wanted to go blonde again. He told her no, that he wants her to have brunette hair.

Then he comes home with a tattoo, he never even uttered a word to her beforehand. He didn’t want her working, or really ever leaving the house. She gained weight, understandably after having a baby. He was mad at her for not trying harder to lose it. Said he didn’t marry a fat woman.

Clearly, OP is not TA, but his son is a major one.