8 obscenely petty things the president has already done today before lunch.

8 obscenely petty things the president has already done today before lunch.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that President Donald J. Trump usually tweets more insane things before 10 AM than anybody else tweets in a lifetime, and today is a special day in that some of his ridiculous musings were uttered out loud.

This morning, Trump announced that he was going to make an unannounced trip to the White House lawn to schmooze with his Fox and Friends, and while on the taxpayers' lawn, also encountered the rest of the press corps.

Here are the grossest moments from his walkabout.

1. He told a female reporter to shut up, possibly because she had blood coming out of her wherever.

2. Trump falsely claimed that he can't change his own administration's policy of separating families at the border, blaming the Democrats because he is but a powerless servant who controls the White House and both chambers of Congress.

3. He said he was so nice to dictator Kim Jong Un because friends don't nuclear blast friends' countries. You're welcome.

4. Trump blamed Obama for Putin invading Crimea, because friends don't hold friends responsible for annexation.

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5. Trump said that the Justice Department's report on the Hillary Clinton email investigation somehow exonerates him in the Russia investigation. They're.............completely different things.

6. He admitted to lying to the American people, dictating the false statement about Don Jr.'s notorious Trump Tower meeting with Russians, but it doesn't matter because it was in The New York Times.

7. He said that football players don't have the right to be upset about police brutality because they're rich.

8. Trump said that he's jealous of how much the North Koreans "stand at attention" for their dictator. Note: They have to do that, because Kim Jong Un is a dictator.

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