Someecards Logo
Man asks if he's wrong to disinvite mom from wedding for criticizing fiancé's dress.

Man asks if he's wrong to disinvite mom from wedding for criticizing fiancé's dress.


In theory, a bride should be able to pick whatever wedding dress she fancies without facing backlash. But in reality, planning a wedding is a complicated process that takes on board the feelings and opinions of a lot of people, and that can make it a headache at times.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a groom-to-be asked if he was wrong for uninviting his mother to the wedding after she harassed his fiance over her wedding dress choice.

AITA For uninviting my mother for continuously insulting my fiancee's wedding dress choice?

OP kicked off the post by sharing he proposed back in November, and while quarantine isn't the prime time to plan a wedding, they are moving forward with preparations before nailing down a date.

As you can guess, I am getting married. I had proposed back in November, and I supposed now isn't the best moment to be having a wedding, I'll admit. But we're still in the preparation phase, so I suppose we're lucky.

Since OP's fiance has always loved dressing vintage, she has her eyes set on wearing an Edwardian or early 20th century wedding dress.

My fiancee' absolutely loves dressing vintage. Her wardrobe mostly consists of retro and historical dress. I really like it, and while I wouldn't really dress up like that, the way she does it is so artistic and fun, it's become the norm for me. So ever since I proposed, she's wanted to wear an Edwardian or early 20th century wedding dress. I told her that's perfectly fine, and I would be more surprised if she didn't.

However, OP's mom takes huge issue with her future daughter-in-law's taste in clothing, and feels the fashion style signals a time when women didn't have rights.

Here's where the issue arises. My mother has never been the biggest fan of my fiancee's clothing choice. Apparently it's because my fiancee's choice of clothing choice is an indication that she doesn't mind if women go back to being treated badly like they were back then.

I don't really understand it myself, since to me, it's just another clothing style. I understand back then human rights weren't at their peak, but I wouldn't really want to live in those days. And I'm 100% certain my fiancee wouldn't either.

While OP understands his mom's aversion to vintage clothing, he feels it's clear his fiance only likes the fashion and is in no way promoting a return to that time.

So my fiancee has been talking with the women of our families over wedding dress choices, and of course, my mother is involved. Ever since my fiancee has announced she wants to have a vintage dress for her wedding, my mother has been a bit on edge.

She's always telling fiancee she should try getting something more modern, or Dress A is better than any vintage one. My fiancee hasn't really said anything, she says it's fine, she doesn't wanna cause trouble.

Unfortunately, tension came to a head when OP's mom showed up with a wedding dress suggestion in hand, claiming OP's fiance was anti-feminist if she opted to wear one of the 'grandma choices.'

All this came to a head when my mother came to our house with a full wedding dress in hand. I was furious, because I have no idea where in the world she even got it, and two, I have no idea where she has been to get it. When I told her she needed to leave with the dress, she got irritated and said 'It's a better option than the 'grandma choices' that she's picking.'

My fiancee just stood there, while I went back and force with my mother. My mother spewed out things like my fiancee was anti-feminist and she was poisoning the girls into thinking its okay to be treated like slaves. I told my mother to leave, and that until she apologizes and stops acting like a child, she wasn't allowed to come to our wedding.

She cried, but I managed to shut her down and kick her out with my blood pressure still in heavy breathing mode.

OP felt so angry at his mom for meddling that her kicked her out of their house and told her if she continues to act this way she won't be invited to the wedding.

My fiancee told me it's fine, that I shouldn't be souring my relationship with my mother over a dress. I've told her a million times before that I don't want to hear her insulting her like that, especially over the dress that's supposed to make her feel special.

I've had family members calling me now, saying I need to apologize to my mother. Apparently she's been crying and went to everyone and said I uninvited her just because she was trying to help. I know my mother, she wasn't helping.

OP's fiance has remained calm and doesn't think the dress situation is worth tarnishing OP's relationship with his mom, but he maintains that his mom was being unnecessarily manipulative.


morfoodie thinks OP did the right thing by standing up for his fiance, but suggested he sit down with his mom to have a one-on-one talk.

NTA. Props to you for standing up for your fiance. She may be your mother, but that's no excuse for her atrocious behavior. However, in the name of being understanding and giving multiple chances, maybe sit down with your mom and have a serious conversation laying out all your issues and giving her the chance go correct her behavior before she loses you for good. Good luck mate.

Dead_before_desert thinks OP did the right thing by standing up for his fiance.'re a motherf*cking hero!

You should be so proud of your shiny spine and the fact that you were willing to defend your fiancee. The folks over on r/justnomil would be the first to tell you how much of a rockstar you are.

inconsistencydenied thinks OP should take his fiance's lead on how to move forward in this situation.

NTA. Back in the day, as a fellow fashion historian enthusiast, we all know there were multiple forces pushing against, and for, corsetted ensembles, long skirts, 2~4 petticoats, etc. A wedding dress is personal, as is much of a person's aesthetic and wardrobe. Historical fashion enthusiasts enjoy the ingenuity, and design, and use of every f*cking scrap, even after it frays, to create beauty.

Stick with your fiance, and see if she wants to try to have a conversation with your mom about this again, or just exclude her during the planning phases. Take your fiance's lead on this bit.

P.S. Edwardian era clothes, as short that era truly was, are beautiful imo. Particularly late Edwardian is my favorite!

mcdoggos thinks that OP's mom is reading into the clothing too much.

NTA. Wearing something vintage doesn’t mean they are an anti-feminist piece of poopy. It’s a piece of clothing. Not a representation of one’s character.

While it seems clear that OP did the right thing by defending his fiance, the internet seems divided on whether he should extend an olive branch to his mother before the wedding, or let her sit in her actions.

Regardless of what OP and his fiance decide in regards to mother-in-law dynamics, it seems clear their loyalty to each other is strong, which is the most important factor going into a marriage.

© Copyright 2023 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content