News

<p>Every LGBTQIA person has a different coming out experience, and it&#39;s impossible to fully comprehend what it feels like unless you&#39;ve been through it yourself. Even the most supportive straight people don&#39;t know what it feels like to live in a world that considers your sexual preference outside of the default, homophobic messaging is everywhere, and it can seriously affect self-perception.</p><p>That being said, it&#39;s conceptually easy to wonder why gay people leaving straight relationships don&#39;t &quot;come out&quot; earlier, or in more ideal settings, but each situation is complex. Some people may be bi or pan, and didn&#39;t realize the extent of their same sex attractions, while others take longer to embrace and accept their sexuality in general.</p><h2>In a recent post on <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">the subreddit Am I The *sshole</a> a man revealed that he doesn&#39;t want to attend his gay brother&#39;s wedding because he was previously married to a woman.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;AITA for refusing to go to my brother&rsquo;s wedding to another man because he was married to a woman previously and had a son with her?&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;Okay so stay with me. I&rsquo;m 25 now and my older brother Chris got married when he was 27 to Taylor. Him and Taylor had a son the following year. They seemed to have a really good marriage but around when their son was 3, something happened. They spent a lot less time together and they eventually got a divorce.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>OP shared that his brother was married to a woman for four years and had a son with her, before getting a divorce and coming out as gay.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;Well it came out that my brother confessed to Taylor that he was gay and had been &ldquo;having feelings for another man.&quot; They divorced after this and my brother started a new relationship with this man. This was three years ago and now Chris is marrying this same guy.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>This all happened three years ago, and now OP&#39;s brother is marrying the same man he expressed feelings for right after his divorce.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;The thing is, I&rsquo;ve been witness to the devastation that this caused to his ex wife and son. He still is around for his son, but starting a life with a woman when he never was interested in women is something I&rsquo;ll never understand.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>While OP&#39;s brother is still around for his son, OP can&#39;t get over the fact that his brother married a woman when he was gay.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;It&rsquo;s not as if any of us would judge him for being gay. I&rsquo;ve tried to help out with my nephew when I can so I&rsquo;ve seen the confusion it&rsquo;s caused him and the hurt it caused his ex, one of the kindest people I know. Now that he&rsquo;s getting married again, the invitations have gone out and I&rsquo;m invited.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>OP went on to share that he feels weird celebrating his brother&#39;s marriage to a man after he caused heartache to his ex-wife.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;I really don&rsquo;t feel like celebrating the harm that he caused his family by going to his wedding. I called him when I got the invitation and explained this to him and he started crying and saying that I wasn&rsquo;t being fair and that he wants me to be there. I just explained that I couldn&rsquo;t be there after everything that happened and I hung up.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>His brother felt really hurt when OP told him he doesn&#39;t want to attend or support the wedding.</h2><p>OP&#39;s sister thinks he&#39;s being a jerk and should apologize and attend the wedding.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;My sister called me and said that I was being an unfair dick and that I need to apologize to Chris and plan to be at the wedding. I told her what I told him. AITA for refusing to go? I think I&rsquo;m being reasonable but my judgement is also clouded. Be honest.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">lala0073</a> thinks OP is being completely unreasonable, and pointed out hypocrisy.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA He could be bi or he could have been confused. A lot of gay people marry someone of the opposite sex because A. It&#39;s the social norm and B. Because it happens. Would you be acting this way if he was marrying another woman?&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">Sirenemon</a> thinks OP is wrong, and pointed out just how hard it can be to come out.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA You may say that you don&#39;t judge him for being gay, but we&#39;re under intense pressure to be straight. Plenty of people think that you can &quot;fix&quot; being gay by being in a straight relationship. When you come out of the closet, the first person you have to do that with is yourself. It might have taken awhile for your brother to piece together his feelings and realize he&#39;s not genuinely attracted to his wife.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;He also might be bisexual and him coming out to his wife caused t his rift in the first place. If he weren&#39;t gay and he broke up with his wife for a reason you don&#39;t know about, would you refuse to go to his wedding to a new woman?&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">wigglebuttbiscuits</a> asked OP if he would react the same if his brother was getting married to another woman, and pointed out that divorce happens regardless of sexual preference.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA. Listen to your sister. And get over yourself. I mean, outside of all the rest of it: divorce happens. People figure out that they&#39;re not right for each other. Yes, it hurts, but it doesn&#39;t make the person who initiated the breakup a bad person or mean people shouldn&#39;t support them when they get married again. It doesn&#39;t even sound like he cheated or anything. If you wouldn&#39;t boycott his second wedding if it was to a woman, you&#39;re a massive hypocrite.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;A LOT of people don&#39;t just &#39;always know&#39; that they&#39;re gay. Sexuality is a lot more subtle and fluid than that. He may have genuinely not realized till he was married; he may have shoved it down deep into his subconscious for very personal reasons-- and just because your family is theoretically accepting doesn&#39;t make it easy to come out or live publicly as a gay person in this world. Stop being a judgmental jerk and go to your brother&#39;s wedding.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">MildlyAnnoyedMother</a> pointed out that OP&#39;s brother didn&#39;t cheat and actually went about the divorce the most respectful way possible.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA unless he&#39;s explicitly stated that he never loved her and just used her. A lot of people don&#39;t start out knowing they are gay. He did it the right way, he got divorced and then got into a relationship. He didn&#39;t cheat or deliberately hurt his family, he just told the truth.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ct860p/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding_to/" target="_blank">raptorsinthekitchen</a> thinks OP is obsessing over the pain of his brother&#39;s ex-wife, versus the pain his brother has experienced.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA- sounds like he was struggling with his sexual identity, and he figured out he&#39;s not actually attracted to women. You&#39;re angry at him for that because of the &quot;harm&quot; he caused his family... What about the harm of living a lie? Or having his family judge him and boycott his wedding? Having people he loves <em>choose</em> not to be there.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;You&#39;re being incredibly short sighted and trying to punish someone for being true to themselves. Stop making this about you.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/luxilary/">luxilary</a> laid out why OP&#39;s brother actually did the best thing for himself and his family.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;YTA. By not going to his wedding because you disagree with his new marriage, you&rsquo;re telling him he is wrong for how he feels. It seems like you&rsquo;re putting yourself in everyone else&rsquo;s shoes except for his, so maybe my point will be hard for you to comprehend. Even if you&rsquo;re okay with the fact that he&rsquo;s gay, you not going to the wedding will make him feel as though you aren&rsquo;t. I can&rsquo;t describe how much this invalidation of his feelings from someone he deeply cares about must hurt him.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;I know you are trying to advocate for his son who might be upset by the divorce , but honestly, how can you be mad at your brother for following his feelings? You expected him to stay in a marriage that he didn&rsquo;t want to be in, for the sake of his kid??? Okay...trust me...your brother would only be able to fake being happy for so long, and the marriage would crumble. His son would most likely suffer from that turbulence more than the divorce.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;You&rsquo;re failing to see that your brother actually is doing the best thing for his son. Your brother is trying to do what will make himself happy, and if he&rsquo;s happy, he&rsquo;ll be most likely to provide the best life for his son.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;You keep saying your judgement is clouded, but to me it just sounds like you&rsquo;re being judgmental. Take your judgments out of the equation and just imagine how your brother is feeling right now. The answer will be clear if you imagined him abandoning you on one of the most important days of your life.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;I hope he&rsquo;s happy in his new marriage. If you really can&rsquo;t find some empathy for him, you don&rsquo;t deserve to be a part of his happiness anyway, and their marriage will be better off without your negativity.&quot;</p> </blockquote><p>Hopefully, it&#39;s not too late for OP to rescind his decision to skip the wedding - because it&#39;ll be a hugely important moment in his brother&#39;s life.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Guy refuses to go to gay brother's wedding because of his previous marriage to a woman.

Every LGBTQIA person has a different coming out experience, and it&#39;s impossible to fully comprehend what it feels like unless you&#39;ve been through it yourself. Even the most supportive straight people don&#39;t know what it feels like to live in a world that considers your sexual preference outside of the default, homophobic messaging is everywhere, and it can seriously affect self-perception.That being said, it&#39;s conceptually easy to wonder why gay people leaving straight relationships don&#39;t &quot;come out&quot; earlier, or in more ideal settings, but each situation is complex. Some people may be bi or pan, and didn&#39;t realize the extent of their same sex attractions, while others take longer to embrace and accept their sexuality in general.In a recent post on the subreddit Am I The *sshole a man revealed that he doesn&#39;t want to attend his gay brother&#39;s wedding because he was previously married to a woman. &quot;AITA for refusing to go to my brother&rsquo;s wedding to another man because he was married to a woman previously and had a son with her?&quot;  &quot;Okay so stay with me. I&rsquo;m 25 now and my older brother Chris got married when he was 27 to Taylor. Him and Taylor had a son the following year. They seemed to have a really good marriage but around when their son was 3, something happened. They spent a lot less time together and they eventually got a divorce.&quot; OP shared that his brother was married to a woman for four years and had a son with her, before getting a divorce and coming out as gay. &quot;Well it came out that my brother confessed to Taylor that he was gay and had been &ldquo;having feelings for another man.&quot; They divorced after this and my brother started a new relationship with this man. This was three years ago and now Chris is marrying this same guy.&quot; This all happened three years ago, and now OP&#39;s brother is marrying the same man he expressed feelings for right after his divorce. &quot;The thing is, I&rsquo;ve been witness to the devastation that this caused to his ex wife and son. He still is around for his son, but starting a life with a woman when he never was interested in women is something I&rsquo;ll never understand.&quot; While OP&#39;s brother is still around for his son, OP can&#39;t get over the fact that his brother married a woman when he was gay. &quot;It&rsquo;s not as if any of us would judge him for being gay. I&rsquo;ve tried to help out with my nephew when I can so I&rsquo;ve seen the confusion it&rsquo;s caused him and the hurt it caused his ex, one of the kindest people I know. Now that he&rsquo;s getting married again, the invitations have gone out and I&rsquo;m invited.&quot; OP went on to share that he feels weird celebrating his brother&#39;s marriage to a man after he caused heartache to his ex-wife. &quot;I really don&rsquo;t feel like celebrating the harm that he caused his family by going to his wedding. I called him when I got the invitation and explained this to him and he started crying and saying that I wasn&rsquo;t being fair and that he wants me to be there. I just explained that I couldn&rsquo;t be there after everything that happened and I hung up.&quot; His brother felt really hurt when OP told him he doesn&#39;t want to attend or support the wedding.OP&#39;s sister thinks he&#39;s being a jerk and should apologize and attend the wedding. &quot;My sister called me and said that I was being an unfair dick and that I need to apologize to Chris and plan to be at the wedding. I told her what I told him. AITA for refusing to go? I think I&rsquo;m being reasonable but my judgement is also clouded. Be honest.&quot; lala0073 thinks OP is being completely unreasonable, and pointed out hypocrisy. &quot;YTA He could be bi or he could have been confused. A lot of gay people marry someone of the opposite sex because A. It&#39;s the social norm and B. Because it happens. Would you be acting this way if he was marrying another woman?&quot; Sirenemon thinks OP is wrong, and pointed out just how hard it can be to come out. &quot;YTA You may say that you don&#39;t judge him for being gay, but we&#39;re under intense pressure to be straight. Plenty of people think that you can &quot;fix&quot; being gay by being in a straight relationship. When you come out of the closet, the first person you have to do that with is yourself. It might have taken awhile for your brother to piece together his feelings and realize he&#39;s not genuinely attracted to his wife.&quot;  &quot;He also might be bisexual and him coming out to his wife caused t his rift in the first place. If he weren&#39;t gay and he broke up with his wife for a reason you don&#39;t know about, would you refuse to go to his wedding to a new woman?&quot; wigglebuttbiscuits asked OP if he would react the same if his brother was getting married to another woman, and pointed out that divorce happens regardless of sexual preference. &quot;YTA. Listen to your sister. And get over yourself. I mean, outside of all the rest of it: divorce happens. People figure out that they&#39;re not right for each other. Yes, it hurts, but it doesn&#39;t make the person who initiated the breakup a bad person or mean people shouldn&#39;t support them when they get married again. It doesn&#39;t even sound like he cheated or anything. If you wouldn&#39;t boycott his second wedding if it was to a woman, you&#39;re a massive hypocrite.&quot;  &quot;A LOT of people don&#39;t just &#39;always know&#39; that they&#39;re gay. Sexuality is a lot more subtle and fluid than that. He may have genuinely not realized till he was married; he may have shoved it down deep into his subconscious for very personal reasons-- and just because your family is theoretically accepting doesn&#39;t make it easy to come out or live publicly as a gay person in this world. Stop being a judgmental jerk and go to your brother&#39;s wedding.&quot; MildlyAnnoyedMother pointed out that OP&#39;s brother didn&#39;t cheat and actually went about the divorce the most respectful way possible. &quot;YTA unless he&#39;s explicitly stated that he never loved her and just used her. A lot of people don&#39;t start out knowing they are gay. He did it the right way, he got divorced and then got into a relationship. He didn&#39;t cheat or deliberately hurt his family, he just told the truth.&quot; raptorsinthekitchen thinks OP is obsessing over the pain of his brother&#39;s ex-wife, versus the pain his brother has experienced. &quot;YTA- sounds like he was struggling with his sexual identity, and he figured out he&#39;s not actually attracted to women. You&#39;re angry at him for that because of the &quot;harm&quot; he caused his family... What about the harm of living a lie? Or having his family judge him and boycott his wedding? Having people he loves choose not to be there.&quot;  &quot;You&#39;re being incredibly short sighted and trying to punish someone for being true to themselves. Stop making this about you.&quot; luxilary laid out why OP&#39;s brother actually did the best thing for himself and his family. &quot;YTA. By not going to his wedding because you disagree with his new marriage, you&rsquo;re telling him he is wrong for how he feels. It seems like you&rsquo;re putting yourself in everyone else&rsquo;s shoes except for his, so maybe my point will be hard for you to comprehend. Even if you&rsquo;re okay with the fact that he&rsquo;s gay, you not going to the wedding will make him feel as though you aren&rsquo;t. I can&rsquo;t describe how much this invalidation of his feelings from someone he deeply cares about must hurt him.&quot;  &quot;I know you are trying to advocate for his son who might be upset by the divorce , but honestly, how can you be mad at your brother for following his feelings? You expected him to stay in a marriage that he didn&rsquo;t want to be in, for the sake of his kid??? Okay...trust me...your brother would only be able to fake being happy for so long, and the marriage would crumble. His son would most likely suffer from that turbulence more than the divorce.&quot;  &quot;You&rsquo;re failing to see that your brother actually is doing the best thing for his son. Your brother is trying to do what will make himself happy, and if he&rsquo;s happy, he&rsquo;ll be most likely to provide the best life for his son.&quot;  &quot;You keep saying your judgement is clouded, but to me it just sounds like you&rsquo;re being judgmental. Take your judgments out of the equation and just imagine how your brother is feeling right now. The answer will be clear if you imagined him abandoning you on one of the most important days of your life.&quot;  &quot;I hope he&rsquo;s happy in his new marriage. If you really can&rsquo;t find some empathy for him, you don&rsquo;t deserve to be a part of his happiness anyway, and their marriage will be better off without your negativity.&quot; Hopefully, it&#39;s not too late for OP to rescind his decision to skip the wedding - because it&#39;ll be a hugely important moment in his brother&#39;s life.

Even the most supportive straight people don't know what it feels like to live in a world that considers your sexual preference outside the norm.