It's the weekend and we could all use a good laugh to sustain us as we press on towards Monday. Luckily for us, the internet is a vast ocean full of jokes just waiting for us. Since dads are one of the most classic subjects of humor, I thought I would hand-pick some of the best tweets about dads, by dads, and roasting dads for your lazy Sunday reading.
[kids party]— Jaz (@jazmasta) July 11, 2015
"This bouncy castle is twice the price of last year"
Please no dad
"..Inflation for you"
*kids start crying*
doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas"— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) July 13, 2015
me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat]
dad: [opens one eye]
"Welcome to Dad Party! Give it up for our host, DJ Mad Skillz!"— Terry F (@daemonic3) June 5, 2015
[grabs mic] I'M NOT MAD SKILLZ JUST DISAPPOINTED SKILLZ
*dads go nuts*
[gun goes off]— joegarbe (@gojarbe) September 5, 2015
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
DATE: so this is my dad and this is his porcelain cat collection— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 21, 2016
ME: wow, I feel like I’m in a
DAD: *nods his approval*
Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's-— Mostly AFK Bice (@Pro_Jones_) September 24, 2015
Son: Dad please don't...
Dad: Lawn gone.
*walks outside*— a skeleton head (@Death_Buddy) January 18, 2015
Its real quiet.. Almost too quiet.
*1000 Dads emerge from nowhere giving generic BBQ advice*
A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 9, 2016
son: why is my name jesus— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) April 5, 2016
dad: mom wanted to name u after a rolemodel
other son: &me?
dad: well Charizard the same reason but it was my turn
U-HAUL, may I help you?— Terry F (@daemonic3) February 10, 2016
"You have any moving boxes?"
No all our boxes stay still
"Well you better go- wait what?"
Stop calling here, Dad
"Dad, I cant sleep."— Hoppers 💥🚀 (@FrogAvalanche) December 6, 2014
Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB.
"Dad Im seven-"
Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.
"We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes"— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 15, 2016
CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan
Here you go, Merry Christmas!— Terry F (@daemonic3) December 21, 2015
"Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?"
Because I wanted to make-
Mom: NO DON'T
My presents felt
My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) April 28, 2014
*I reach for the thermostat*— Bad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) October 15, 2014
*my dad runs in barking*
*neighbor's dad starts barking*
*within seconds all the neighborhood dads are barking*
Sensible dad: I'd like to buy 3 'fleeks' & 7 'swags' for my son.— danny charnley (@DanKCharnley) May 13, 2015
"Sir this is Urban Outfitters"
Do you have any 'baes'?
"The Walking Dad," but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's "not made of money"— My name is not Megan (@bodegacat212) October 22, 2014
Farmer Dad: Having a good party son?— Mostly AFK Bice (@Pro_Jones_) October 12, 2015
Farmer Son: No. The music sucks.
FD: Well then-
FD: Lettuce turnip the beet.
Son: I'm gay, dad.— Knipples (@StevieKnip) September 30, 2014
Dad: no I'm gay dad
Dad #2: no I'm gay dad
Dad: Tall latte— Michael (@Home_Halfway) December 12, 2014
Barista: Sure thing. Can I get a name?
Dad: What your parents didn't give you one?
*all the other dad's give him high fives*
KID: Why's the sky blue— batkaren (@batkaren) March 5, 2015
DAD: It's sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
Hot single dads in your area AREN'T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.— James (@JaySaysStuff) August 19, 2014
"Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?"— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 22, 2014
"What're you putting on me?"
"It smells like ketchup."