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<p>If your partner cheats on you, they are the party at fault, not the person they cheated with. Particularly, since many affairs are carried out without the other person knowing they are dallying with a partnered person.</p><p>However, there are certainly exceptions. There<em> are </em>those who actively pursue flings with people with spouses, fiances or serious (monogamous) partners, with no empathy or care extended towards the relationship they are wrecking.</p><p>If your relationship was torn apart by a partner who cheated with someone who knew you, or knew of you, it&#39;s only natural to at some point fantasize about revenge. But when push comes to shove, many of the most obvious forms of revenge will hurt you more than them.</p><h2>In a recent post on the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c7ujss/wibta_if_i_dont_hire_a_fully_qualified_girl_for_a/" target="_blank">subreddit Am I The Asshole</a> a woman working in HR asked if she&#39;s a jerk for not hiring the woman her ex-fiance cheated with.</h2><p><span style="color: rgb(119, 119, 119); font-family: BlinkMacSystemFont, -apple-system, &quot;Segoe UI&quot;, Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, &quot;Fira Sans&quot;, &quot;Droid Sans&quot;, &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.1rem; letter-spacing: -0.01em; font-style: italic;">&quot;</span>WIBTA<span style="color: rgb(119, 119, 119); font-family: BlinkMacSystemFont, -apple-system, &quot;Segoe UI&quot;, Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, &quot;Fira Sans&quot;, &quot;Droid Sans&quot;, &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.1rem; letter-spacing: -0.01em; font-style: italic;"> if I don&rsquo;t hire a fully qualified girl for a job because she is the one who cheated with my </span>fianc&eacute;<span style="color: rgb(119, 119, 119); font-family: BlinkMacSystemFont, -apple-system, &quot;Segoe UI&quot;, Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, &quot;Fira Sans&quot;, &quot;Droid Sans&quot;, &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.1rem; letter-spacing: -0.01em; font-style: italic;">? (Cheating was almost 4 years ago).</span></p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p> </p> <p>Taking the side bar advice on using a throwaway account because of potential outside ramifications. I can&rsquo;t really ask this question at work so here I am.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>OP kicked off the post by sharing that she found out about the cheating two months before her wedding, and ultimately it was a deal breaker.</h2><p>While she had never met the woman her fiance cheated with, OP knew her name and knew the woman pursued him knowing he was engaged.</p><blockquote> <p>&quot;For some background I was deeply in love with my fianc&eacute;, we were about two months away from the wedding when I found out he cheated on me. I knew of the girl but had never met her but had it on pretty credible authority that she pursued him knowing he was engaged. It was still his fault so while I called off the wedding but tried to reconcile and forgive, I just couldn&rsquo;t do it. We broke up but it was a year before I could even face the world socially and 2.5 years before I went on another date. I&rsquo;m past it but will probably never truly be over the hurt.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Currently, OP works HR in a large tech company and is in charge of hiring practices.</p><h2>During a recent interview she recognized the first name but not the last, but when the woman came in, she knew without a doubt it was her ex-fiance&#39;s fling.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;I work HR at a large tech company and am in charge of hiring new people to work in our sales department. The girl in question has a fairly unique first name so when I saw her name I thought it might be her but her last name didn&rsquo;t match. But when she sat down for our initial interview (me and one other person) we instantly recognized each other. I have to give her full credit, she was nervous for about a minute and then composed herself and gave an amazing interview. Her credentials are spot on and obviously she has the ability to talk and be a good sales person.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>While it was mutually awkward for a minute, OP admits the woman knocked the interview out of the park and was clearly the most qualified for the job.</h2><p>Nonetheless, OP (rightfully) feels conflicted about the situation. She lost a whole potential marriage to this woman, and doesn&#39;t want to hire her for a great gig. On the other hand though, OP admits the woman is super qualified - and her coworker agrees.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;But part of me feels like &ldquo;fuck you, I don&rsquo;t need to reward you with a Commissioned sales position with an amazing base salary.&rdquo; My co-interviewer thought she was a slam dunk but the decision still goes to me. We have interviewed 34 people so I can easily hire someone else and raise no red flags, but the key is she is the most qualified and gave the best interview.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2>After the interview, OP received an email from the woman suggesting they meet to discuss &quot;potential conflicts.&quot;</h2><p>OP is still sitting on the email, wagering what the right thing to do in this situation is.</p><blockquote> <p>&quot;She sent a very polite email thanking us for the interview and asked if I would be willing to meet with her again to discuss potential &ldquo;conflicts.&rdquo; I have yet to respond. I guess I have two choices, meet with her she probably hire her OR I just hire someone else a little less qualified and no one but me will ever know.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Since OP is the ultimate decider, she could easily hire one of the other dozens of candidates.</h2><p>But she knows in her gut the woman is the best for the job, so the situation simultaneously presents an ethical and emotional conflict.</p><blockquote> <p>&quot;WIBTA if I don&rsquo;t hire her?</p> <p>edit: this may be too late for anyone to see this as it&#39;s probably dying off but my boss finally got back to me (he works across the country from me) and he basically said that he needs me to handle it, trusts me and expects me to hire the best person. So ya...no help there!&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/readinreadin/">readinreadin</a> thinks OP should double-check company policies before moving forward.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;I&rsquo;m not a lawyer nor do I work in HR but...</p> <p>You may want to consider your own job security. She sent you that email and may have bcc&rsquo;d your boss or other so that if she doesn&rsquo;t get the job she can bring a bias complaint.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;If it is possible you may want to <del>withdraw</del>recuse yourself from the process citing the conflict of interest. If you can do so and mention what the conflict is you may find that your coworkers will find her behavior disturbing too and won&rsquo;t hire her for that reason.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>&quot;Finally as a person in HR are you allowed to use information you know from outside the formal hiring process? That she pursued your fianc&eacute; knowing he was engaged says a lot about her character and what it says isn&rsquo;t good. You obviously don&rsquo;t want to hire someone whose behavior may create interpersonal problems with her coworkers. Perhaps you can just be open about that as being a reason for not hiring her.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/amazzan/">amazzan</a> is shocked the company doesn&#39;t have practices in place for this kind of situation.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;I feel like this is so much bigger than a reddit post. This is a huge conflict of interest and I&#39;m surprised your company doesn&#39;t have a protocol for something like this. I think you should give the decision making power to someone else in this scenario. &quot;recuse&quot; yourself. if you don&#39;t, I feel like you could get your company in big trouble.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ClothDiaperAddicts/">ClothDiaperAddicts</a> thinks OP is totally in the right to not hire the woman.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;NTA. You&#39;re in a position of authority over her, and you can&#39;t be objective. Hiring her would be a mistake. People who are qualified for jobs don&#39;t get hired all the time. Sometimes it&#39;s something as simple as the interviewer is put off by a tapping pen habit.&quot;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Part of working with people is being able to get along with them. You know this since you&#39;re in HR. You also know that you&#39;re not declining her due protected class reasons (because boning your fiance is not a protected class). She&#39;s just in the position where she&#39;s learning that her actions have some real, long term consequences.&quot;</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sedatemenow/">sedatemenow</a> pointed out that OP would be creating a hostile work environment for herself if she hired this woman.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;NTA. You&rsquo;re in charge of hiring. Part of that responsibility is making sure there is good workforce cohesion. If you hire her, you&rsquo;re creating a hostile work environment for yourself. Is this a position that only she can fill? If I were here, and I fucked someone&rsquo;s fianc&eacute;e, I would not expect them to hire me at any point in the future.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sorrylilsis/">sorrylilsis</a> says this kind of situation is more common than it sounds.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;NTA.</p> <p>It&#39;s actually more common than you think and the consensus I&#39;ve seen everywhere is &quot;why the hell should you hire people with a bloodfeud in my company&quot;.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>&quot;Plus I mean action have consequences. This one took a lllong time but she&#39;s paying her shitty choices.&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

HR woman asks if she can refuse a job to the qualified woman her ex-fiancé cheated with.

If your partner cheats on you, they are the party at fault, not the person they cheated with. Particularly, since many affairs are carried out without the other person knowing they are dallying with a partnered person.However, there are certainly exceptions. There are those who actively pursue flings with people with spouses, fiances or serious (monogamous) partners, with no empathy or care extended towards the relationship they are wrecking.If your relationship was torn apart by a partner who cheated with someone who knew you, or knew of you, it&#39;s only natural to at some point fantasize about revenge. But when push comes to shove, many of the most obvious forms of revenge will hurt you more than them.In a recent post on the subreddit Am I The Asshole a woman working in HR asked if she&#39;s a jerk for not hiring the woman her ex-fiance cheated with.&quot;WIBTA if I don&rsquo;t hire a fully qualified girl for a job because she is the one who cheated with my fianc&eacute;? (Cheating was almost 4 years ago).   Taking the side bar advice on using a throwaway account because of potential outside ramifications. I can&rsquo;t really ask this question at work so here I am.&quot; OP kicked off the post by sharing that she found out about the cheating two months before her wedding, and ultimately it was a deal breaker.While she had never met the woman her fiance cheated with, OP knew her name and knew the woman pursued him knowing he was engaged. &quot;For some background I was deeply in love with my fianc&eacute;, we were about two months away from the wedding when I found out he cheated on me. I knew of the girl but had never met her but had it on pretty credible authority that she pursued him knowing he was engaged. It was still his fault so while I called off the wedding but tried to reconcile and forgive, I just couldn&rsquo;t do it. We broke up but it was a year before I could even face the world socially and 2.5 years before I went on another date. I&rsquo;m past it but will probably never truly be over the hurt.&quot; Currently, OP works HR in a large tech company and is in charge of hiring practices.During a recent interview she recognized the first name but not the last, but when the woman came in, she knew without a doubt it was her ex-fiance&#39;s fling. &quot;I work HR at a large tech company and am in charge of hiring new people to work in our sales department. The girl in question has a fairly unique first name so when I saw her name I thought it might be her but her last name didn&rsquo;t match. But when she sat down for our initial interview (me and one other person) we instantly recognized each other. I have to give her full credit, she was nervous for about a minute and then composed herself and gave an amazing interview. Her credentials are spot on and obviously she has the ability to talk and be a good sales person.&quot; While it was mutually awkward for a minute, OP admits the woman knocked the interview out of the park and was clearly the most qualified for the job.Nonetheless, OP (rightfully) feels conflicted about the situation. She lost a whole potential marriage to this woman, and doesn&#39;t want to hire her for a great gig. On the other hand though, OP admits the woman is super qualified - and her coworker agrees. &quot;But part of me feels like &ldquo;fuck you, I don&rsquo;t need to reward you with a Commissioned sales position with an amazing base salary.&rdquo; My co-interviewer thought she was a slam dunk but the decision still goes to me. We have interviewed 34 people so I can easily hire someone else and raise no red flags, but the key is she is the most qualified and gave the best interview.&quot; After the interview, OP received an email from the woman suggesting they meet to discuss &quot;potential conflicts.&quot;OP is still sitting on the email, wagering what the right thing to do in this situation is. &quot;She sent a very polite email thanking us for the interview and asked if I would be willing to meet with her again to discuss potential &ldquo;conflicts.&rdquo; I have yet to respond. I guess I have two choices, meet with her she probably hire her OR I just hire someone else a little less qualified and no one but me will ever know.&quot; Since OP is the ultimate decider, she could easily hire one of the other dozens of candidates.But she knows in her gut the woman is the best for the job, so the situation simultaneously presents an ethical and emotional conflict. &quot;WIBTA if I don&rsquo;t hire her? edit: this may be too late for anyone to see this as it&#39;s probably dying off but my boss finally got back to me (he works across the country from me) and he basically said that he needs me to handle it, trusts me and expects me to hire the best person. So ya...no help there!&quot; readinreadin thinks OP should double-check company policies before moving forward. &quot;I&rsquo;m not a lawyer nor do I work in HR but... You may want to consider your own job security. She sent you that email and may have bcc&rsquo;d your boss or other so that if she doesn&rsquo;t get the job she can bring a bias complaint.&quot;  &quot;If it is possible you may want to withdrawrecuse yourself from the process citing the conflict of interest. If you can do so and mention what the conflict is you may find that your coworkers will find her behavior disturbing too and won&rsquo;t hire her for that reason.&quot;  &quot;Finally as a person in HR are you allowed to use information you know from outside the formal hiring process? That she pursued your fianc&eacute; knowing he was engaged says a lot about her character and what it says isn&rsquo;t good. You obviously don&rsquo;t want to hire someone whose behavior may create interpersonal problems with her coworkers. Perhaps you can just be open about that as being a reason for not hiring her.&quot; amazzan is shocked the company doesn&#39;t have practices in place for this kind of situation. &quot;I feel like this is so much bigger than a reddit post. This is a huge conflict of interest and I&#39;m surprised your company doesn&#39;t have a protocol for something like this. I think you should give the decision making power to someone else in this scenario. &quot;recuse&quot; yourself. if you don&#39;t, I feel like you could get your company in big trouble.&quot; ClothDiaperAddicts thinks OP is totally in the right to not hire the woman. &quot;NTA. You&#39;re in a position of authority over her, and you can&#39;t be objective. Hiring her would be a mistake. People who are qualified for jobs don&#39;t get hired all the time. Sometimes it&#39;s something as simple as the interviewer is put off by a tapping pen habit.&quot;  &quot;Part of working with people is being able to get along with them. You know this since you&#39;re in HR. You also know that you&#39;re not declining her due protected class reasons (because boning your fiance is not a protected class). She&#39;s just in the position where she&#39;s learning that her actions have some real, long term consequences.&quot; sedatemenow pointed out that OP would be creating a hostile work environment for herself if she hired this woman. &quot;NTA. You&rsquo;re in charge of hiring. Part of that responsibility is making sure there is good workforce cohesion. If you hire her, you&rsquo;re creating a hostile work environment for yourself. Is this a position that only she can fill? If I were here, and I fucked someone&rsquo;s fianc&eacute;e, I would not expect them to hire me at any point in the future.&quot; sorrylilsis says this kind of situation is more common than it sounds. &quot;NTA. It&#39;s actually more common than you think and the consensus I&#39;ve seen everywhere is &quot;why the hell should you hire people with a bloodfeud in my company&quot;.  &quot;Plus I mean action have consequences. This one took a lllong time but she&#39;s paying her shitty choices.&quot; 

If your partner cheats on you, they are the party at fault, not the person they cheated with.