Teachers truly have their work cut out for them. Shaping the minds of the youth is no small task, and for this we praise them. The job comes with many challenges, including having to keep a straight face when your student says something hilariously inappropriate. As a disciplinary, they have to remain serious. Easier said than done.
Kids have the amazing ability to speak their minds, and sometimes this can get them into trouble. Whether they are repeating something they heard, or getting creative with some choice words they have just learned, sometimes kids say some shit. A reddit post asked teachers to share stories from times when their students ran their mouths, and the results are glorious.
1. maudie_anglais had a real Scrooge of a student.
Last week, I joking told one of my grade 8 students that he better behave because Santa was watching. He strolled away saying nonchalantly, "Santa, my ass..."
I cracked up.
2. Itsyamatey had a student with an impressive vocabulary.
Student - "small dicks matter..."
Me - "AJ, let's keep it school appropriate."
Student - "Small penises matter."
Couldn't help but laugh
3. Savage80HD remembered a student who came up with an imaginative expletive.
Kid in my class was given some bad news once and exclaimed "aw shit right on my dick..." it was inappropriate, but it sounded so incredibly genuine and defeated. My English teacher (early twenties, fresh out of school) looked like she was in physical pain, having to punish him, despite laughing uncontrollably and feeling sympathy for his situation.
4. FaceofBeux encountered a young girl with brutal practicality.
I teach Pre-K. The kids were out at recess and one was riding a bike wearing his helmet, as he should. One of my girls walked by and hit him over the head with our plastic baseball bat. I asked her why she did that. She replied "Eh, he has a helmet on". I had to turn away and snort before telling her it wasn't OK to hit anyone, even if they have a helmet.
5. timidtiger64's fiancé was dragged by her own student.
Not me but my fiancé.
She’s a really great teacher but was having trouble with this one class. One of the students asked her,
“Mrs Teacher, do you have any kids?”
Fiancé: “Oh God no!”
Kid: “That might be for the best”
6. Pacifikate had a student with a family business.
I was teaching nutrition and garden education to second graders. Really sick, all hopped up on cold medicine on a rainy day, and discussing our agrarian community.
Me: does anyone know any farmers?
Kid: yeah, my uncle is a farmer!
Me: nice! What does he farm?
Me: (slowly blinks)
Me: okay, we’re talkin fruits and vegetables here, people! Does anyone else know a farmer? How about Farmer John? Do you guys know Farmer John, with the pumpkins?? (Babbling continues)
7. adrionallama witnessed a kid get his heart broken.
I worked at an alternative ed school for kids who were expelled from their old schools. I taught a class of 8th grade boys so I have tons of great stories.
My favorite was one day I was reading out loud from the newspaper that Old Country Buffet was closing down, and one of my students said, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME” while simultaneously punching a hole in the window. I laughed so hard but also had to give him detention and fill out a ton of paperwork.
8. Caouenn had a truly unique experience.
Teaching first grade and a kid came up to me and said "Miss, E just said something bad" So I walk over to E and ask if he said something inappropriate. He shrugs, looks sheepish and says "I said cows have big boobies".
I literally paused with my mouth open, was not expecting that one...
9. MsKrabApel supervised a kindergartener with an advanced knowledge of spelling.
I had recess duty a few years ago. A kindergarten girl came running over with another girl right after her and said “She called me the b-word.” When I asked the second student if she called the first student the b-word, she turned to the first one and said “Motherfucker doesn’t start with a b.”
10. littledetours went on a field trip with a class of talented singers.
My mom was an elementary teacher and always had a few good ones share. One that stands out in my head is a story about a bus ride on a field trip. Her 2nd grade students started playing some music. At one point, they started singing along and my mom got really excited because they were spelling. “They’re spelling! That’s so great!”
It took her a moment to realize what they were spelling.
An entire bus filled with seven and eight-year-olds was rolling down the road with about 40 little voices singing, “Cuz I’m a motherfuckin P - I - M - P!”
11. galgsg had to pretend a classic joke was not funny.
Kid was doodling on the whiteboard at the front of the class and I told him to cut it out because he was going to waste the marker (it was the end of the year and I didn't want to have to buy more). He grins and then says "But it's just the tip!" And then another student yelled out "That's what she said!" I tried so hard to keep a straight face and failed so badly.
12. zebrafish became the student.
I teach Hebrew to kids, and they were practicing writing their names. One of the kids was named David, which looks like this in Hebrew: דוד
One of David's classmates looked over his shoulder and yelled, "hey David, your name is TIT!"
Because its read right to left and because I've seen those letters and that name a million times, I never would have seen that. But as soon as he said it I realized he's 100% right, it looks like it says tit. Cracked me up. Not appropriate for class though.
13. tylervalo knew someone with a rather progressive student.
Not me, but a lesbian friend of mine is a teacher. Some kids found out she was married to a female and after class one boy came up and asked if she was married to a woman. She replied with "if I was would that change how you felt about me?" And the kid replied "Damn, Mrs.X gets more pussy than I do". Very few students were left in class so she just let him off on a warning.
14. kingofflint282 got called out for being a virgin who can't play ball.
I volunteered at an after-school program for underprivileged youth. We'd help them with their homework and then play basketball, which I'm terrible at. Didn't take the kids long to pick up on this. These little 5th graders were kicking my ass at basketball and one of them goes "Bitch, you suck. I bet you're a virgin too."
The truth hurts, but was also funny to hear from someone half my size. I put him in time out and then had a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.
15. gufyduck knew a student who understood that your password shouldn't be 1234.
A fourth grader decided to change their password on a typing program we use, and proceeded to forget what she set her password to. I logged in, and was able to see the password was butt hole holy crap. I could barely keep a straight face while reading her the riot act, and still joke about this one with her mom.