Here are some real complaints the FCC received following that fateful night when ABC aired LeBron James's penis on live television. (Warning: If you haven't guessed, there's a fraction of a wiener ahead.)
Sort of, maybe, possibly NSFW. (via Twitter)
Where were you when LeBron James accidentally (maybe) showed his wiener to the world? Some people remember exactly where they were, because it absolutely ruined their evening. TMZ Sports got their grubby little paws on a few complaints the FCC received following the incident:
"LeBron James showed his d*ck on national television and completely ruined my tinder date. It made us late for laser tag because I had to rewind it a few times to make sure thats exactly what we saw so we missed our bus. He clearly did it on purpose and he's not as good as Michael Jordan."
"I am shocked and appalled! I don't want my kids looking at male genitalia on broadcast television. I am ok with seeing female mammary glands, labia, vagina, etc, over broadcast but no more penis, please!"
"The camera had a close up of [LeBron's] tallywacker. This is the type of stuff I would expect from Game of Thrones, but not from the American Broadcasting Channel. At least I now know that I am bigger than the purportedly 'biggest' star in the NBA."
Do you hear that?! It made someone late for laser tag! How dare the FCC allow such a travesty to befall a single person trying to find love in this crazy world? Dating is hard enough already, and getting images of sportsmen's dicks thrown at you via the TV makes it even harder. I hope this lonely soul eventually got to play laser tag, and that the other person learned to call a penis something other than a tallywacker.
The FCC must have been crawling in real complaints, though, right? After all, people went crazy over Janet Jackson's nipple. Nah, there were five. Five complaints. Total. Five.
Anyway, here's how all the celebrity penises that have accidentally gone public recently scored according to a very complicated ranking system.