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Man asks if he's wrong for wanting to use paternity leave to visit his family.

Man asks if he's wrong for wanting to use paternity leave to visit his family.


Having a baby brings a whole new set of logistics into any couple's dynamic.

Now, you not only have the day-to-day of paying for housing, organizing meals, and figuring out how to spend quality time together, but you also have all the questions of childcare, budgeting for a baby, and figuring out how to sleep with your plate so full.

Even couples with the best dynamics often face some conflict in the midst of such massive change. Luckily, the AITA subreddit is here to weigh in on said conflicts.

In one popular post, a man asked if he's wrong for wanting to use some of his paternity leave to visit his out-of-state family.

He wrote:

WIBTA if I used part of my paternity leave to visit my family?​​​​​​

My wife and I have been arguing about this for weeks and she suggested I post here. My wife is 16 weeks pregnant with our first child. We have been discussing how to use our family leave.

Each of us get 8 weeks of family leave to be used within the first year of the baby's life. My wife is planning on taking her whole 8 weeks right when the baby is born.

She thinks that I should take 2 weeks when the baby is born and 6 weeks when she goes back to work so that we don't need to put the kid in childcare until he's 14 weeks old.

The issue is that I want to use 2 weeks of my paternity leave to visit my family who live out of state so I don't have to use vacation days. I gave her two options: I can spend 6 weeks with the baby when she goes back to work but I won't take the first 2 weeks off.

I can take 2 weeks off when the baby is born and then 4 weeks off when she goes back to work. This is my preference.

My wife says this is unacceptable and that I'm prioritizing my family over her and the baby. I disagree. I don't think it makes much of a difference if the baby starts daycare at 12 or 14 weeks. I only get to see my family once or twice a year since they moved out of state and I think this is a good opportunity to do so without it impacting our vacation time.

I think her dislike of my family is affecting her logic and that, if they got along better, she would be fine with this arrangement. Plus, lots of men don't take paternity leave and their families manage. I'm still dedicating 6 weeks to the baby so we will have plenty of bonding time. AITA or is she being unreasonable?

onedayatatime08 wrote:

People had a LOT to say about this one.

YTA. Paternity leave is meant for you to be with the baby, not go on vacation. Wtf? Why women have babies with men like you is beyond me. 🤦

Ditzyshine wrote:

YTA, paternity leave is to take care of your newborn child. Abusing it to take a vacation is simply horrible. Did you not think if you get caught, you could risk getting fired?

lynypixie wrote:

YTA. It’s not just starting daycare at 12 weeks. It’s leaving your wife behind with a newborn all by herself on top of working, while you go relax with your family. THAT is a seriously a**hole move.

You are clearly clueless about how draining having a baby is. If you go, you might come back to changed locks and divorce papers.

Infusion-delusion wrote:

YTA. Unless you're planning on taking the baby with you when you go visit your family. Oh, and maybe your wife can go too? Nice try to get out of parenting a young baby for a whole FORTNIGHT, leaving your wife to cope completely alone back home. Disgusting AH move.

PinkPrincess1224 wrote:

YTA and really if you’re using paternity leave for a vacation you are committing fraud. Your wife is literally making a whole person from scratch and going to tear her body apart to bring your child into this world and you think you deserve a f**king vacation? You’re a huge a**hole.

Ok_Butterfly_3174 wrote:

YWBTA. Use the parental leave, which is a dismal amount in reality, for the baby. Don’t try to use it for holidays. The f**king bar for men is so f**king low already when it comes to being a decent father/husband. Don’t aim to be below the bar.

Neenknits wrote:

YTA. If I were your mother, you would be hearing about it. From all the way out of state…and you wouldn’t need a phone.

So, you are proposing your wife be home alone with a newborn, or home alone, working, with an infant in day care, alone the rest of the day, and night, for 2 weeks, while you are on vacation? And your mother has not ripped you a new one? I wouldn’t like her, either.

Clearly, OP is TA in this situation, and his only hope to NOT be TA is to rescind his argument and apologize for being so selfish.

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