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<h2>Catching a friend or acquaintance&#39;s partner on a date in public or showing clear signs of an affair can be a cringey, soap-opera level nightmare for everyone involved...</h2><p>Depending on how well you know the person seemingly being cheated on, it can be difficult to decide whether or not it&#39;s worth the risks to insert yourself in what could be a tangled web of lies, or just a full-blown misunderstanding. Everyone&#39;s relationship is different, and while it might look like your friend&#39;s trust is being betrayed over a candlelit table for two covered in rose petals and chocolate strawberries, stirring up drama because of your own expectations for a romantic relationship might not always be wise. There&#39;s always a chance you could get blamed instead of the alleged cheater simply for breaking the news, or you could potentially destroy a relationship just because you wanted to play super sleuth.</p><p>So, when a frustrated husband decided to consult the online courtroom of moral philosophy otherwise known as Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the As*hole?&quot; about whether or not he&#39;s wrong to hold a grudge against his wife&#39;s friend for a misunderstanding about their polyamory, people were eager to deem a verdict.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtelcz/aita_for_holding_a_grudge_against_the_friend_who/">AITA</a> (Am I the As*hole) for holding a grudge against the friend who outed me as poly, even though he thought he was doing good?</h2><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m polyamorous. My wife, Lisa, has a boyfriend (Jeff) and I have a girlfriend (Natalie). The four of us hang out together, we&#39;re all consenting but I don&#39;t advertise that I&#39;m anything other than traditional monogamous with my and Lisa&#39;s friends.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Enter Kevin, a not-so-close friend of Lisa&#39;s who happened to see me out with Natalie ~2 years ago. He assumed that I was cheating on my wife (fair) and tried to right that &quot;wrong&quot;. If he&#39;d just gone to Lisa and said it to her, she&#39;d have clarified the misunderstanding, no harm done. Instead, he talked in private with several of my friends to &quot;gather evidence&quot; on me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Every time, he told our friends that I&#39;m a cheater, low life, monster, etc - one friend was approached on Facebook messenger and screencapped Kevin&#39;s conversation. Kevin said, I quote: &quot;Help me take down that f__ing bastard&quot;.</p> <p>Then Kevin finally heard from Lisa that she approved of my relationship with Natalie, and I was forced to come out as poly publicly to shush the rumors I&#39;m a dirtbag cheater. So, thanks Kevin.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&#39;ve been clear: If Kevin is invited anywhere, I&#39;m not going. I still hate the guy&#39;s guts. I&#39;ve been the butt of every joke and called a cuck a hundred times since everyone knows that my wife has a bf. Kevin demonstrated genuine hatred for me, I refuse to ever consider him a friend again, even though Lisa insists that Kevin &quot;thought he was doing the right thing.&quot; I refuse to give the dude another chance. AITA?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Here&#39;s what the jury of internet strangers had to say:</h2><blockquote> <p>NTA (Not the As*hole). Sounds like Kevin has a thing for your wife and was trying to break you guys up so HE could swoop in and be the hero. He is upset that not only do you have a GF but that she has a BF and it&#39;s not him. He is toxic and you have every right to not want him in your life at all- MinsAino</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Kevin took the whole thing *way* too far, but it seems you dug your own pit here and are blaming him for a lot of other people&#39;s actions. What did you think was going to happen when people saw you with your girlfriend? You can either convincingly present as monogamous-and-faithful, or poly-and-faithful, but you chose the third option: present as monogamous *but also* publicly (as yes, it *is* public if people are finding out about it) have a girlfriend on the low-down. You basically chose to present yourself to the world as a cheater, and then got all Shocked Pikachu Face when someone assumed you&#39;re a cheater *and* thought badly of you for it.</p> <p>It sucks that people aren&#39;t more accepting of poly couples, yes. However, you&#39;re trying to blame Kevin for the fact that 1. you got caught with your girlfriend, and 2. you have a bunch of other as*hole friends who give you sh*t about being poly. Neither of those things are his fault. - bob_the_driver</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>ESH. Yes, Kevin shouldn&#39;t have gone so far with the whole wanting to &quot;take [you] down&quot; thing when he thought you were cheating, but if you&#39;re going to have multiple relationships, you need to be prepared for people to see you out with your other partners and assume the worst. - nyorifamiliarspirit</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>ESH. Yes, Kevin shouldn&#39;t have gone so far with the whole wanting to &quot;take [you] down&quot; thing when he thought you were cheating, but if you&#39;re going to have multiple relationships, you need to be prepared for people to see you out with your other partners and assume the worst. - yougottbekiddingm</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So a friend who didn&rsquo;t know you were poly caught you with another woman and wanted to get enough evidence that your wife would believe him? If you keep secrets or hide part of who you are from people close to you you can&rsquo;t be surprised if they assume what they know and have seen with their own eyes to be true and act accordingly. YTA (You&#39;re the As*hole) -Jemma_2</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m going with ESH. Kevin is your wife&rsquo;s friend, not yours. He has no loyalty to you bye saw you presumably cheating on your wife, a friend of his. He went about the whole thing wrong, which is why he&rsquo;s an AH. However, you can&rsquo;t have a wife and then date someone else and expect no one to raise an eyebrow. It&rsquo;s okay to not want to publicize your and your wife&rsquo;s relationship makeup, but this was bound to happen by dating your other SOs publicly.</p> <p>Someone references outing a gay couple in another comment and I see this as completely different. He wasn&rsquo;t outing your sexuality, he was outing what he thought was a person cheating on their spouse. - Adulting2020</p> </blockquote><h2>So, there you have it!</h2><p>The opinions were definitely divided on this one, but most people seemed to agree that if this man and his wife tried to keep the details of their relationship a secret, it makes sense that their friends would just assume they&#39;re monogamous. Kevin was probably wrong to tell everyone in the world before he just went to Lisa directly, but he was ultimately trying to help his friend. Good luck, everyone!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he's wrong to hate wife's friend after he outed them as poly.

Catching a friend or acquaintance&#39;s partner on a date in public or showing clear signs of an affair can be a cringey, soap-opera level nightmare for everyone involved...Depending on how well you know the person seemingly being cheated on, it can be difficult to decide whether or not it&#39;s worth the risks to insert yourself in what could be a tangled web of lies, or just a full-blown misunderstanding. Everyone&#39;s relationship is different, and while it might look like your friend&#39;s trust is being betrayed over a candlelit table for two covered in rose petals and chocolate strawberries, stirring up drama because of your own expectations for a romantic relationship might not always be wise. There&#39;s always a chance you could get blamed instead of the alleged cheater simply for breaking the news, or you could potentially destroy a relationship just because you wanted to play super sleuth.So, when a frustrated husband decided to consult the online courtroom of moral philosophy otherwise known as Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the As*hole?&quot; about whether or not he&#39;s wrong to hold a grudge against his wife&#39;s friend for a misunderstanding about their polyamory, people were eager to deem a verdict.AITA (Am I the As*hole) for holding a grudge against the friend who outed me as poly, even though he thought he was doing good? I&#39;m polyamorous. My wife, Lisa, has a boyfriend (Jeff) and I have a girlfriend (Natalie). The four of us hang out together, we&#39;re all consenting but I don&#39;t advertise that I&#39;m anything other than traditional monogamous with my and Lisa&#39;s friends.   Enter Kevin, a not-so-close friend of Lisa&#39;s who happened to see me out with Natalie ~2 years ago. He assumed that I was cheating on my wife (fair) and tried to right that &quot;wrong&quot;. If he&#39;d just gone to Lisa and said it to her, she&#39;d have clarified the misunderstanding, no harm done. Instead, he talked in private with several of my friends to &quot;gather evidence&quot; on me.   Every time, he told our friends that I&#39;m a cheater, low life, monster, etc - one friend was approached on Facebook messenger and screencapped Kevin&#39;s conversation. Kevin said, I quote: &quot;Help me take down that f__ing bastard&quot;. Then Kevin finally heard from Lisa that she approved of my relationship with Natalie, and I was forced to come out as poly publicly to shush the rumors I&#39;m a dirtbag cheater. So, thanks Kevin.   I&#39;ve been clear: If Kevin is invited anywhere, I&#39;m not going. I still hate the guy&#39;s guts. I&#39;ve been the butt of every joke and called a cuck a hundred times since everyone knows that my wife has a bf. Kevin demonstrated genuine hatred for me, I refuse to ever consider him a friend again, even though Lisa insists that Kevin &quot;thought he was doing the right thing.&quot; I refuse to give the dude another chance. AITA? Here&#39;s what the jury of internet strangers had to say: NTA (Not the As*hole). Sounds like Kevin has a thing for your wife and was trying to break you guys up so HE could swoop in and be the hero. He is upset that not only do you have a GF but that she has a BF and it&#39;s not him. He is toxic and you have every right to not want him in your life at all- MinsAino  ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Kevin took the whole thing *way* too far, but it seems you dug your own pit here and are blaming him for a lot of other people&#39;s actions. What did you think was going to happen when people saw you with your girlfriend? You can either convincingly present as monogamous-and-faithful, or poly-and-faithful, but you chose the third option: present as monogamous *but also* publicly (as yes, it *is* public if people are finding out about it) have a girlfriend on the low-down. You basically chose to present yourself to the world as a cheater, and then got all Shocked Pikachu Face when someone assumed you&#39;re a cheater *and* thought badly of you for it. It sucks that people aren&#39;t more accepting of poly couples, yes. However, you&#39;re trying to blame Kevin for the fact that 1. you got caught with your girlfriend, and 2. you have a bunch of other as*hole friends who give you sh*t about being poly. Neither of those things are his fault. - bob_the_driver  ESH. Yes, Kevin shouldn&#39;t have gone so far with the whole wanting to &quot;take [you] down&quot; thing when he thought you were cheating, but if you&#39;re going to have multiple relationships, you need to be prepared for people to see you out with your other partners and assume the worst. - nyorifamiliarspirit  ESH. Yes, Kevin shouldn&#39;t have gone so far with the whole wanting to &quot;take [you] down&quot; thing when he thought you were cheating, but if you&#39;re going to have multiple relationships, you need to be prepared for people to see you out with your other partners and assume the worst. - yougottbekiddingm  So a friend who didn&rsquo;t know you were poly caught you with another woman and wanted to get enough evidence that your wife would believe him? If you keep secrets or hide part of who you are from people close to you you can&rsquo;t be surprised if they assume what they know and have seen with their own eyes to be true and act accordingly. YTA (You&#39;re the As*hole) -Jemma_2  I&rsquo;m going with ESH. Kevin is your wife&rsquo;s friend, not yours. He has no loyalty to you bye saw you presumably cheating on your wife, a friend of his. He went about the whole thing wrong, which is why he&rsquo;s an AH. However, you can&rsquo;t have a wife and then date someone else and expect no one to raise an eyebrow. It&rsquo;s okay to not want to publicize your and your wife&rsquo;s relationship makeup, but this was bound to happen by dating your other SOs publicly. Someone references outing a gay couple in another comment and I see this as completely different. He wasn&rsquo;t outing your sexuality, he was outing what he thought was a person cheating on their spouse. - Adulting2020 So, there you have it!The opinions were definitely divided on this one, but most people seemed to agree that if this man and his wife tried to keep the details of their relationship a secret, it makes sense that their friends would just assume they&#39;re monogamous. Kevin was probably wrong to tell everyone in the world before he just went to Lisa directly, but he was ultimately trying to help his friend. Good luck, everyone!

Catching a friend or acquaintance&#39;s partner on a date in public or showing clear signs of an affair can be a cringey, soap-opera level nightmare for everyone involved...  Depending on how well you know the person seemingly being...