Hell hath no fury quite like family drama. Two of the events that cause the highest amount of drama are weddings, and the passing of an elder. Weddings bring out all manner of opinion about love, commitment, and the money required to celebrate it.
The passing of an elder brings out big feelings as people navigate grief and the sticky dynamics of inheritance. So when you combine a wedding and the aftermath of an elder passing, it's likely to get intense.
I (27M) am the owner of a property that was formerly my grandpa's home. My grandpa was a farmer and he had this awesome property built whenever my mom and her sisters were in high school.
This was the family house, my grandpa also built a giant garage that my cousins have been using as a reception hall the last few years for their weddings. When my grandma died, my grandpa and me started hanging more.
I worked at the property since I was little. I am the only grandson he had. All my cousins on my mom's side are girls. In 2018, my grandpa passed away and I was left the property. This caused a bunch of drama in the family.
I know exactly why my grandpa did it. My grandpa was not a perfect person. He was very old-fashioned. Hated divorce and was very traditional. His beliefs clashed with his daughters. He wanted to hand his farm down to a son.
He didn’t have any and none of my aunts married the type of dudes he liked. So I became the de facto option. My grandpa especially disliked how my aunts were in their relationships cause he preached commitment.
That man loved and was loyal to my grandma. My cousin (28F) is getting married this fall. I’m at my parent's house and my aunt goes “well the reception will be at the house.” I told her nobody has talked to me yet.
She said that since every other cousin had their reception there it should be a tradition. I said sure but they all asked me and I wanted them there. Her daughter didn’t ask me and I don’t support the wedding. It’s really legit reason.
This is my cousin's second wedding. I’m not even close with her. We differ politically so I have her muted on social media. I didn’t even know she was engaged. Me and this cousin hardly speak. Also, this is her second marriage.
She cheated on her first husband with this dude who was also married at the time. My grandpa would never approve of that or want that on his property. Also, I would have to be involved in the setup and clean up if it’s at the house.
I don’t care to sacrifice my time. If she wants to rent the property and my time. Then she can pay me a premium for the short notice. But I’m not doing it for free. I explained this all to my aunt and my cousin.
They both threw a fit and tried having my mom talk to me. She tried pulling the family card and a guilt trip about my cousin having no money. I said my cousin has no money because of her divorce.
It’s a sham wedding and her dad wouldn’t support it and she knows that. There was a reason that her dad didn’t trust the property to his own kids. I said all my other cousins have been good people so I was willing to help.
But this cousin and aunt are rude. My mom said I won’t be invited to Christmas most likely then. I said okay find another venue while you are at it (the house is the hangout spot for Christmas). My dad is calling me an AH but I need a fair judgment. AITA?
People were quick to jump in and share their thoughts.
ESH. You suck for using your grandpa's sexist and bigoted views as an excuse for not wanting your family to use your home. And if you agree with his views, you're the AH for that.
Your aunt sucks for just expecting you to be okay with having a wedding/reception at your house without asking. Your mom sucks for thinking she can just disinvite you to a gathering in your own home. At this point, your whole family needs help.
YTA, though your family is acting a bit entitled. You have the right to use the property how you want, and to tell people they can't use the property or have to pay to use it. However, this is 'Am I the A**hole', not 'do I have the legal right.'
You got your property because your grandfather appeared to have regressive, misogynistic views, not because you did anything worthy of attaining it besides have a d^%k.
You seem to have carried on these viewpoints, and additionally seem to be relishing in turning the screws on your family instead of playing ball (extra money for short notice + labor like it's a true reception venue).
In most circumstances, they would be the a**holes for expecting a free venue, but that is trumped by your behavior and bigotry here. To make it abundantly clear, as OP has written it his mom and aunt were disinherited by the grandfather solely on the basis of their gender and blindsided by this.
This is not your typical AITA 'I inherited the property because nobody visited grandpa but me' situation.
For this very specific occasion, since she cheated on her ex-husband, you are NTA for not supporting her second marriage, especially since she didn't even consult you about it.
With that being said, I sense a tone of sexism from your grandpa, and you seem to be preaching from the same choir. Watch out.
ESH. You sound totally judgmental. You’re entitled to be if you want, but it still sucks. Your cousin sucks for just assuming she’d be able to use your property without asking you. Also, misogynistic grandpa obviously sucks too.
YTA. You're within your (legal) rights to tell them no, and they certainly should have talked to you first before just assuming they could have it there.
But, you're still an **@hole. You only got the property because your grandfather is an a**hole. If he had 'done the right thing' he'd have split the property up equally among his children.
Instead, he excluded them because they're female and he didn't like their husbands. Because of his backward views, you benefited more than any of the rest of your family.
Instead of being gracious and letting all your cousins (including this one) have their receptions there (the least you can do given all the rest of them probably got a pittance for inheritance), you are singling her out because it's her second marriage.
The fact that your grandfather wouldn't have wanted that doesn't matter, because he's dead now and frankly he sounds like a jerk, at least in terms of some of his views.
I just really can't imagine anybody hateful enough to effectively disinherit his own children over such stupid trivial things. Maybe they inherited something else from him, but I doubt it was worth anywhere near what the property was.
Wait a second, let me get this straight: You own a property. Your aunt had the gall to tell you that your cousin would use it for her wedding as opposed to anyone asking you if the property would be used for the wedding.
Your mom tried to bully you by disinviting you to Christmas that is being held at your property. You upped the stakes by telling your mother that she could find another venue to hold the Christmas party.
Now your father is calling you an a**hole?
You are NTA. Your father owes you an apology. Your mother and aunt do, too.
ESH. It's your property, not your family's. You're entitled to use it any way you please, and your family are not entitled to expect access.
However, it's clear your grandpa was a sexist a**hole, and the ONLY reason he gave the property to you is because you A. have a p*nis and 2. are also a sexist a**hole. So, congrats. You're not the a**hole for asserting your right to your possessions, but you are, in fact, a giant, creepy a**hole.
This post may have inspired one of the most spirited discussions in awhile. It's got all the ingredients.