Man drinks whiskey even though it makes pregnant wife sick; says 'she's overreacting.'
When a couple decides to have a child together, there's an understanding that everything is about to change.
From pregnancy on, all of the old habits and priorities are going to need to shift as life makes way for a baby. Of course, this shift requires cooperation and communication, both of which take two to tango.
To this very point, in a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for having alcohol around his pregnant wife, even after she told him the smell makes her nauseous.
He wrote:
AITA for having alcohol around my pregnant wife?
My wife (29f) is four months pregnant and cannot stand the smell of alcohol even the smallest whiff from your breath or clothes will send her spewing. I (31m) love whiskey in the evening time.
I would drink a glass, proceed to brush and use mouthwash so my wife doesn’t barf on me when she sees me. Yet, she runs away from me whenever I’m even a meter away because she claims she can still smell it from a mile away.
We haven’t even kissed at night due to this and I have tried everything to eliminate the whiskey smell. Yet, she still believes she can smell the faint whiskey, which makes her lose it completely.
A couple of days ago, I changed my clothes, showered after it, and told her that “I promise the smell is gone”. She proceeds to hug me and quickly runs to the bathroom…to vomit.
She comes back to tell me that “she isn’t coming near me at night until this baby comes out”. Proceeds to tell me that she was “right” and that “I am being inconsiderate to her introduction to motherhood.”
Even though I think I am being overly considerate and trying my best to get rid of this “whiskey scent” that she can apparently smell from a mile away. She has proceeded to move into our guest bedroom until the foreseeable future. I told her she is overreacting and that it is quite disrespectful. She told me that she isn’t trying to be any of those things, she just can’t stand the smell of alcohol. AITA?
People weighed in passionately.
TheHatOnTheCat wrote:
This whole post immediately read alcoholic to me. He's tried everything to not smell like whiskey every night other than not drinking whiskey every night. It comes off like that's not even an option in his mind.
He drove his pregnant wife out of their bed by making her sick and he's upset at her because he can't possibly live without drinking whiskey every night and he also wants to be kissed even if makes her literally hurl.
However, I want to address some basic medical things u/Strange-Chipmunk-254 seems to not understand about the situation:
Many pregnant women have an increased sense of smell/sensitivity to certain smells. She may literally be able to smell things you can't.
This can often be tied to smells making you nauseous and it is theorized to be a way for pregnant women to avoid eating things that could make them ill and harm the baby. She isn't faking.
You are literally making your pregnant wife feel sick every single day.
Alcohol breath is coming from inside your body where the alcohol is metabolized. Yes, if you reek because it's coming out of your pores, a shower can help. And brushing teeth and mouthwash can also help.
But this is coming from inside you, so really what you can do to fully prevent this is not drink. You actually think she's being disrespectful by not wanting to feel sick every single night? It seems like a decent man would just not drink.
If you're too addicted not to make your wife and baby sick every single day the least you could do is be the one who gives up the bed. She's only 4 months pregnant and you're already picking alcohol over your family. Your poor kid.
To be clear, I don't think drinking alcohol is innately bad. I just think making your pregnant wife sick every single day is something decent men would care they are doing and they'd be able to restrain themselves if they cared and weren't addicts.
Maxwells_Demona wrote:
I'm addicted to alcohol. I'm aware it's a problem, I'm working on it, and it's f**kin hard. I fail a lot of nights. I know how hard it is to give up even just one drink at night.
So I have some compassion for OP because I'm getting the vibes that this may be a bigger problem than he is admitting, either here or to himself. But I also feel like, maybe there's more to it for his wife as well.
OP this is the kind of thing that can blow your whole life and marriage up. Your wife wants you to move out of the bedroom because of your drinking. Seriously.
Your wife wants you to move out of the bedroom because of your drinking.
Step back and take a good look at that. Think about that fact. You need to wake up to the reality of this situation.
My sister left her husband because he was an alcoholic, and refused to get help or even really understand how seriously my sister took it. This was just a couple of years ago. They have two little girls (2 and 5 at the time of divorce).
She's already remarried and he is still in denial not only of his problem but in denial that his whole life fell apart, and drinking his sorrows away. He was TA, and I say this as an alcoholic myself.
If you seriously cannot give up your nightly whiskey then you have a problem. I hope you can take a hard look at this. Just gonna link this sub here, it's got some incredibly supportive people who are working their ways through their own journeys.
Eta: thank you all for the awards and support <3
Creative_Catharsis wrote:
OP, if you physically CAN’T stop drinking to support your wife then you need to seriously ponder if you have an issue like addiction.
If you don’t WANT to stop drinking to support your wife then SHE needs to seriously ponder if SHE has an issue like a selfish, narcissistic husband who is going to only get worse when a baby enters the picture.
But fear not, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy all the nightly whiskey you like once you’re living alone. YTA.
mtb1005 wrote:
YTA. I say this because I am in this exact situation right now except my vice is beer. I gave up beer when I'm around her. You know why? Because she's GROWING MY F*CKING CHILD.
We as men have literally no idea or way of understanding what they're going through and each pregnancy is unique. Stop. It won't be that long I promise. And if you can't stop, please seek treatment.
StAlvis wrote:
YTA. YOU MADE HER VOMIT. Stop acting like this is all in her head and read the room (the bathroom).
It's abundantly clear where the internet stands on this. The question left at hand, is whether OP will actually listen.