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Man makes white MIL cry after she wants to 'claim' Abuelita title before his mom can.

Man makes white MIL cry after she wants to 'claim' Abuelita title before his mom can.


Being in a romantic relationship with someone from a different culture can be a really rich and wonderful experience.

But when you bring your family into it, things can sometimes get awkward. Especially with parents who don't know how to take a hint.

When communication styles differ, things can emotionally escalate quickly.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for making his white mother-in-law cry after she wanted to 'claim' the title abuelita.

He wrote:

AITA for making my MIL cry?​​​​​​

I (35M) am married to my wife (36F).

We just had a son (0M) and it has been wonderful. For a bit of backstory that’s helpful here: I am Hispanic and my wife is full-blooded Connecticut WASP (white Anglo-Saxon Protestant) as well as her parents.

Think any of the white older women that were shocked by Will’s behavior on Fresh Prince. We invited my mother-in-law over to see the baby and we had the talk about what she wants our son to call him in the future (grandma, nana, etc).

At the dinner table, she said, “I like Abuelita (grandma in Spanish with the cute ‘ita’ at the end) I want to be called lita.”

I laughed and said “Well, if anyone is going to be Abuelita it will be my mother obviously”

My wife said, “well, she called it first” but honestly my wife just does because they are WASPs and just want to ignore arguments. I’m Hispanic and love a good argument.

I thought was insane for her to claim Hispanic names when she’s had no connection to the culture (well she does now), doesn’t speak Spanish, and has no interest in Hispanic things. I told her it feels like she’s doing this to piss off my mom.

After a bit of back and forth she cried and said “I just think it’s cute.”

So now my MIL cried, my wife is annoyed and my extremely white MIL is now “lita”. AITA for thinking she’s wrong?

The read quickly filled up with people's hot takes.

PsiBlaze wrote:

NTA what in the name of cultural appropriation are they thinking??? Your wife and MIL are very disrespectful, and should know that at every opportunity to tell them, until they back off.

StrikingAirport77 wrote:

HUGE NTA. My goodness, I'm Hispanic and if my MIL from Connecticut wanted to be called Abuelita, my mother would not be angry, I would.

Our language is not a trend to pick from when you want something exotic (imagine believing Spanish is exotic when it is old af), if she was the only grandma it would be weird, but given that there is a Hispanic grandma already?

WDYM 'she called it' she can't even pronounce it girl slow down your horses.

I could excuse it if she liked the culture of whatever country you are from or maybe even just any Hispanic country but the 'it's cute' comment just lets us know everything needed about it. Oh gosh, I thought this only happened in movies.

chismecraving wrote:

Hispanic here. You're most definitely NTA, but you're MIL and wife kind of are because they don't even speak Spanish, how dare they claim 'Abuelita' or 'lita' for MIL?

I do think they might be doing it to piss off your mother, so it's not just cultural appropriation, but also petty and rude. Please, don't let your child grow up speaking just English.

According-Ad-6968 wrote:

There's an It's A Southern Thing video of grandma names. This just made me laugh. Yes, it is straight-up cultural appropriation. Yes, it's rude, but does this mean she's going to learn the origins of her chosen namesake?

I'm called Auntie/Mama T by a lot of folks. They all know where it comes from and why I'm called it. NTA. But I'd introduce her to the chancla so she'll know what's expected of her.

Smarie52013 wrote:

My dad is Mexican and my mom is white just like your kids and here's some advice from my pov growing up. By the time I was born my grandparents in Mexico had already been grandparents for years and they were called Nana and Tata.

So obviously I called them that. But my American grandparents were first-time grandparents and they heard what my Mexican grandparents were gonna be called they liked those names so I called both grandma's Nana and both grandpa's Tata.

I never got confused and when I would talk about a specific grandparent I would say either 'Nana Alice' or 'Nana Maria.'

I saw my extremely white grandparents choice of their names as a part of them wanting to be apart of my dad's culture even if it was a small thing like a name.

My dad would try to share his culture with my American grandparents over the years and seeing that growing up made me happy. Maybe you can comprise and both can share the name.

aaseandersen wrote:

Double down and say that the strategy of turning on the waterworks to get her way isn't going to work - now or in the future. Then tell her to choose between nana, grandma or grannie. NTA.

Suffice it to say, OP is NTA, and a more in-depth conversation about appropriation, respect, and ideal nicknames is on the table.

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