In a perfect world, you'll love your partner's friends and feel as connected to them as you do your partner.
But the real world isn't perfect, and sometimes we don't connect with our partner's best friend in the way we'd like to or feel we should. This can, unsurprisingly, cause some bumps along the road.
AITA for refusing to attend my wife's BF's wedding?
My wife 'Jennifer' has a best friend, 'Scott'. They've been best friends for over 30 years. He's always been a gossip, talking sh*t about their various acquaintances whenever they hung out.
I told her, 'If he's talking that way about your homies, makes you wonder what he says about you, huh?'
Anyway, before our wedding 15 years ago, I was under a lot of stress and I started smoking again. My wife (then fiancee) was really upset and asked me to stop. I said I would try.
I was doing my best, using patches, gum, etc, but I would still slip up on occasion.
A few weeks before our wedding, I was driving down the road and my phone rang. It was my wife and she was livid.
Her friend 'Scott' was driving behind me and noticed that I was smoking. He called my wife immediately to rat me out. Jennifer wouldn't talk to me for two days. Fast forward to the wedding day. Everything went fantastic!
We had a great time. A lot of the attendees were staying at the same hotel. After my wife and I returned to the hotel, I ducked outside to sneak a cigarette. As I was standing there, who should sneak up...but Scott.
'I see you,' he sing-songed at me, presenting me with a sh*t-eating grin.
I pretended not to hear him, put out my cigarette and went back to my room.
By the time I got there (two minutes) my wife was furious. Scott had called her immediately to let her know that he had seen me smoking and she was waiting for me at the door when I returned.
She yelled at me for an hour and wouldn't speak to me afterward, telling me I had ruined our wedding night. Flash forward 15 years. Scott is marrying his partner, and my wife wants me to go to his wedding with her.
I absolutely refuse. It's burned me for years that his need for drama ruined our wedding night. He could have easily held onto his 'dirt' until the next day, but he couldn't wait to spread the news, upsetting his BFF.
I have no desire to attend this guy's wedding. All I can think about his need to rat me out to my wife on our first night as husband and wife. It still pisses me off.
My wife is upset at me and says that since I was the one lying (about my smoking) that I had no right to be upset with Scott, and that I need to get over it. My argument back is I was addicted to cigarettes, and I was doing my best to stop.
Her friend took great glee in creating drama on her wedding night and relished the fact that he was creating trouble for me. I am holding firm. AITA for refusing to attend the wedding of this person?
People weighed in with their feelings about the situation.
NTA. I doubt this will be the majority opinion, but I f*cking despise people like Scott. Intentionally starting sh*t, sh*t-talking, etc is such a huge character flaw compared to being stressed and sneaking off for a cigarette on your wedding.
Even if you classified it as lying.
Also, your wife seems overly dramatic(which is why she and Scott are best friends I bet)... you smoking a cigarette ruined the wedding?!?
NTA, and I’m disturbed by this dynamic he and your wife have going on. He rats you out and she chews your a*s for an hour? I’m sorry, but you’re an adult, and quitting smoking is hard.
No one deserves to have to sit there for an hour and be chewed out or to get the SILENT TREATMENT for two days. I don’t know if your wife treats you that way without him, but I for sure would not like her when he is around!
Strictly on the question you asked, NTA. If you don't want to go you don't have to. But lying and sneaking cigarettes is entirely on you, not him.
Obviously, it's a huge deal to her. If my partner was sneaking around doing something I considered nearly a deal breaker, I'd want my friends to tell me. His loyalty as a friend was to her, not to you or your secrecy.
NTA. He's a pot-stirring a**hole. There's no reason why you want to celebrate any good thing happening in his life. Your wife can have a great time by herself.
It looks like most of the commenters are on OP's side, but not all of them. Hopefully, him and his wife can come to a mutual understanding.