Man snaps at wife after she lets his brother crash without asking him first.

Some families have an open-door policy, and some don't.

When you get married, figuring out if you're a 'doors open' household for extended family is an important conversation. But oftentimes it doesn't happen until you need to make a split-second decision.

Luckily, the internet is always here to give an outside perspective on these situations.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for snapping at his wife after she let his brother crash last minute.

He wrote:

AITA for being annoyed that my wife allowed my brother to stay at our house?

My (39M) brother 20 lives with his girlfriend about an hour's drive away from me and my wife. My brother and I have never been close due to the age difference, our parents had me young, and then him later in life.

He was always the spoiled one who got whatever he wanted. We see each other on holidays and special occasions, but other than that we might talk on the phone once or twice a month.

Last night I worked late and couldn't be reached by phone. When I got off, I noticed I had missed calls from my brother and a few from my wife. It was already close to 11pm so I chose to just drive home and not call and possibly wake someone up.

I walk into the house and see my wife (41F) and brother on the couch playing Mario Kart. When I walk in they both say Hi and go back to their game. I went to the bedroom to shower and frankly, just sleep...I was exhausted.

My wife comes in a few minutes later, and I ask her why my brother was there.

She said, he called her because he and his girlfriend had gotten into a pretty heated argument, and he just needed to get away from the situation for a little while, while he figured out what he was going to do.

They only have one car, and it's in the girlfriend's name so he couldn't take it.
Apparently, he tried to call me and when I didn't answer, he called her and she went and picked him up an hour away, even though she hates driving at night.

They also went out to dinner before coming home. I told her that I find it odd that she would pick up my brother and take him to dinner, just because he got into an argument with his girlfriend. That he is an adult and needed to work it out.

She just rolled her eyes at me and said he would be staying in the spare room as long as he needed, that I was acting weird, and that he is my brother and has no idea why it was such a huge deal that he was here.

I told her that if someone is staying at my house, especially MY family, I should be the one who decides that. That he had no right to call her; that he should have waited for me to call him back, and would be talking to him in the morning.

She told me to deal with it and grow up, that he was always welcome here. My wife is now mad at me and I'm stuck with my brother in the house until he figures out his life. We already have two teens. I don't need another kid here!

I stand by what I said, my brother doesn't need to be here, but my wife is still mad at me today. AITA for saying that she should not have picked up my brother and allowed him to stay at the house?

The internet shared their thoughts and feelings.

imothro wrote:

Is there some huge beef you have with your brother that you didn't mention? Like he killed your dog or something?

Because it seems like your wife did a very kind thing, and aided a member of your family going through a tough time while you were unreachable, and you're angry with her?

It's unthinkable for anybody who is in actual possession of a heart, unless there is some major context that you are omitting.

'I told her that if someone is staying at my house, especially MY family, I should be the one who decides that.'

It's also your wife's house. She lives there too. She can have whoever she wants over. This statement is controlling and unreasonable.

I think what's happening here is straight-up, pure jealousy. That your wife treated your brother, whom you are jealous of, with kindness. YTA.

beeclu wrote:

YTA. Bro, you are 40 years old, instead of being insistent about making decisions for 'YOUR family', why not learn to care about your family instead? Your brother is going through a tough time, your wife is just trying to be nice.

Why are you making this about yourself?

Ryngard wrote:

You're definitely the a**hole here or are leaving out a ton of info.

Yeah, you have some minor points (I don’t like people staying at my house either) but it isn’t just your house and it’s family and you didn’t specify that there was horrible drama or anything.

Your post comes off controling and dickish (sorry I’m being short but I’m pressed for time). At most it’s a “hey it kind of bothered me how this all went down can we talk about future instances?” But as written YTA.

DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo wrote:

Your wife treats your little brother like a younger sibling or a nephew. She seems to recognize that while he is an adult, at 20 years old he's not fully mature, so she is giving him a safe place to work out what his options are.

You talk about your brother like a pesky neighbor kid that has no connection to you. Maybe think about who your resentment should be directed toward (your parents) instead of being grumpy with your wife and brother.

Between the two of you, I'd choose your wife. She's showing empathy for a young man who needed help while you're complaining about an extra body in your house (which apparently has the extra room), without offering any solutions.

Sure, you have the right to say who can stay in your house, but so does your wife. If you don't want him to stay, then help him figure out a solution that works for everyone.

It's not clear if this was an emergency, but the number of calls you received suggests to me that it was at least a very urgent problem that had to be addressed immediately.

'Heated argument' might mean that your brother or his girlfriend were not safe to be in the same place. Is your brother being abused? Was he so upset that he didn't feel in control of himself?

Seems like maybe you should think about how you would answer a call like this from your own child or a dear friend. How would it be different from your reaction to it being your brother in a tough spot? Maybe you should do some self-reflection. YTA.

It seems unanimously agreed that OP is TA, unless there's some context with his brother that explains his indifference to his suffering.