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Man tells GF she needs to 'take job interviews more seriously.' She says 'back off.'

Man tells GF she needs to 'take job interviews more seriously.' She says 'back off.'


Getting a new job can be a stressful endeavor. First, you have to get in the door for an interview. Then, you have to wow their socks off.

And after that, you have to figure out whether you even want to work for them, whether they pay enough, and what this new job opportunity would look like in play.

Everyone has a different philosophy when it comes to job interviews, and unfortunately, that can cause relational conflict.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for criticizing his girlfriend for the way she takes job interviews.

He wrote:

AITA for criticizing how my girlfriend takes job interviews? She basically interviews them, and I feel like she isn't taking it seriously.​​​​​

My girlfriend is at a job she can't do remotely, and we're planning to move to another state together, so she's job hunting right now. Her first interview, she had a call with a top company whose recruiter had messaged her on LinkedIn.

I was expecting her to treat it normally, but she spent an hour grilling the company on its engineering practices then withdrew her application.

And the next few calls with companies she had, she basically grilled them all and decided against moving forward with four of the six.

I told her around then, that I feel like she's making a mistake, being so picky, and she's gonna ruin her reputation in the industry if she's going around taking interviews and cutting the process off early.

She said she wasn't making any enemies, hell, the companies she dropped had been emailing and calling constantly, wanting to bring her in for another interview or asking her to reconsider. If anything, she was a hotter commodity.

I felt like she was probably still hurting her reputation long term, even if her little power play was working for a bit. She said it wasn't a power play, it was professional, she just didn't want to waste anyone's time.

But the next interview I overheard started a big argument.

One of her final two companies had her taking a Zoom interview and she was laughing it up with an interviewer and he was telling her this story about how he and his coworkers fell off a barge into the river working on a project.

And she just was like 'waiiit they had y'all doing that, not tied off to anything? Look as funny as that is, that's honestly kind of f*cked up they put y'all in danger like that - I'm honestly gonna have to withdraw my application.'

She got off the phone and said 'Damn, people really tell on themselves if you just listen and smile, did you hear that sh*t?' I said that I thought she ended it a little prematurely, didn't even ask if they'd changed anything there, just ended the call.

I said it felt like she was trying to delay getting a new job, was she getting cold feet or something? She said no, this is literally how people at her level interview, she was serious about the interview process and she wasn't interested in walking into a sh*tshow.

I said that was BS, she was sabotaging herself on purpose basically haranguing the companies who want to hire her on the phone. And she was like 'why do they keep coming back for more then? Like I'm critical but I'm not wrong and they know it.'

We had this big fight where she insisted that anyone who was at her level of a career 'interviewed' by interviewing companies to see whether they were worth their time, just as much as the other way around, and I said that was BS.

She got mad I was telling her about her own career and said she knew it better. AITA for arguing with my girlfriend about her interviews? I feel like she's dragging her feet, she says she's interviewing normally for her field.

People from all corners of the workforce commented with their two cents on the situation.

Shieby1234 wrote:

YTA. Stop mansplaining how to interview for a job that you do not do and in a field you do not know. It isn’t an issue until it becomes an issue. Yes, I am assuming OPs sex.

joeswastedtime wrote:

YTA. Your gf is actually doing this right. She should be interviewing the company and withdrawing when they don’t meet her expectations. They need her, she doesn’t need them. I also don’t walk into sh*tshows.

I’m at the level and experience I don’t have to. Sounds like she’s in the same spot. It’s also her job, her life, and her decisions on how to manage it - are you going to work at these jobs with her? No? Keep your nose out of it then.

maroongrad wrote:

YTA. Are you a recruiter? Are you a professional in her field? Have you listened to professionals in her field interview? No? Are you basing this on your own interview experience in your own field? Yes? Quit mansplaining.

rainyreminder wrote:

YTA. Not only does her approach work for her, she's being selective about taking the role that's the right fit for her at the right price, and that's the best thing you can do in a job search.

You are giving her terrible advice and you really need to stop before she decides that you are telling on yourself and dumps you. If you are going on interviews and not viewing the process as you also assessing them, you're doing it wrong.

After receiving plenty of critiques siding with his GF, OP jumped on with an update.

Welp, you've convinced me. Plus all the other comments lol. I apologized to her and we talked stuff out a little. TBH it's a lot of culture shock for me, I'm a first-generation college student and I've never heard someone speak in an interview the way she did.

TBH I think I've been kind of hurting over how easy it is for her to go 'thanks but no thanks' to roles offering 150k - 300k yearly. In my field, the most I'll probably ever make is like 70k and that's at senior levels.

I feel like I was just so incredulous that anyone would even consider turning down that kind of pay (she makes 160k now so any of those jobs would have been a great salary!)

But she's a PE, which means she's liable for whatever work she does, and holds herself to a really high ethics standard, and she had real concerns that a bunch of the companies she's interviewing with could kill someone doing what they're doing.

Which was also a shock to hear TBH, that a bunch of well-regarded companies are apparently sketchy as hell behind close doors. Like I was so caught up in the 'how tf could someone ever reject two or 300k from several top companies?' That it didn't really hit me that her concerns were literally dead serious.

I jumped to thinking that she's dragging her feet on moving, which tbh might be a bit of a insecurity too. So thanks to everyone who commented, I needed the wake up call that I was being a d**k. And apparently a dumb*ss at job interviews too, haha.

OP is one of a kind on this sub, it's rare for someone to reflect and shift their mindset so quickly even when it's humbling.

Sources: Reddit
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