Man tells pregnant fiancee he won't watch 'gooey' birth. 'Do you want me to lie?'
Childbirth is one of the most intense 'natural' physical experiences anyone can ever survive.
Your body radically changes for a year while you grow a new person, then you have to undergo the pain and stress of giving birth to the baby.
When you consider all of the risks involved, the horrible side effects, and the pain, it's a miracle anyone chooses pregnancy and goes back for more.
All this is to say, no matter how empathetic the non-pregnant partner is, they'll never fully understand the experience of carrying a child. So it's best to tread respectfully and find ways to be supportive during the physically trying time.
In some cases, this means watching what you say, and how you say it, because there is a lot of normalized ignorance around pregnancy and birth.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, one man asked if he was wrong for telling his pregnant fiance he doesn't want to watch the birth because it's 'gross.'
He wrote:
AITA for telling my pregnant fianceé that I think childbirth is nasty?
My fiancé is pregnant and we were having a discussion about what it would be like in the delivery room. So, she asks me if I plan on taking a look down there and I said “no, that’s nasty.”
Now she’s incredibly mad at me for saying that. She says it’s insensitive and an insult to the whole process of her bringing our child into the world. I’ve seen videos of childbirth before and it does look pretty gross.
It’s bloody, slimy, gooey, stretchy, etc. That doesn’t mean that I don’t respect what women go through to carry and bring forth life. So tell me Reddit, AITA?
People were quick to give him pointers.
corgihuntress wrote:
Here's the correct answer: 'I have no idea. You're the one who will be doing all the work, so I plan to be focused on you and giving you all the support you need.' YTA.
Darth_Hufflepuff wrote:
I'm a woman and I think it's nasty, also we don't even see it. I don't see how saying something is not appeasing to the eye is offensive to the mother and the child lmao people are so sensitive about birth.
It is a beautiful thing to have a baby but the process is nasty and that's okay?
CoconutxKitten wrote:
YTA for your wording.
‘I rather stay up by your head to support you’ would have sufficed.
Also, kids can be 100x grosser. Pee, snot, poop, vomit. You’ll have to deal with it all. Buckle up.
cooljacketfromrehab wrote:
YTA. You’re being obnoxious
“Should I have lied to her? It is nasty to me. I can’t think of a better way to say that.”
Here’s an easier way: 'no thanks, that’s okay.'
Why do you have to make her feel like s**t and feel gross, SHE has to be the one who births the child and go through the ‘NASTY.’ All you’ve had to do so far is c*m.
MaralDesa wrote:
YTA - yes, it is gross. But you are going to be a parent very soon, and your partner is carrying your child. You are in for a wild ride of all kinds of grossness in the upcoming years, and you need to get it together.
Because as soon as you are a parent, simply deciding to not deal with it, look away or ignore it will not fly. Not to mention the whole giving birth will have an impact on your partner's body and that will take time to heal.
You telling her now that 'it's nasty' isn't gonna make her feel loved, you know. It's time to get a grip and tell your partner SHE isn't gross, and that you are in this together.
Poekienijn wrote:
YTA. Sure it’s unpleasant to look at. Imagine how it must feel! But it’s not nasty. It’s not dirt that you are looking at. And saying it like this to your fiancée is hurtful, insensitive and thoughtless.
I guess you need to grow up before you become a parent.
Clearly, OP has some maturing to do before the baby is born. Hopefully, he listens to the consensus and looks inward before opening his mouth again.