Funerals can be tough situations to navigate when you relationship with the deceased was less than pleasant. On one hand, they are now dead, so who cares if you go to the funeral or not?! On the other hand, it can mean a lot to the grieving family to have more people memorializing their loved one, and honoring the dead is a basic tenet of etiquette.

All this is to say, navigating the funeral of someone with a complicated past can feel like an emotional minefield if they were anyone other than a close friend or beloved family member.

Now, imagine your partner cheated on you with someone, made it up to you by breaking things off and becoming an attentive partner, and THEN was later invited to their ex-lover's funeral?!

This is precisely what happened to a man who recently posted on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, asking the internet whether it was out of line for him to forbid his wife for attending the funeral of the man she cheated on him with.

"AITA for forbidding my wife to go to her affair partner's funeral?"

He opened up the post by opening up about his marriage of fifteen years, and how his wife cheated on him during his deployment.

"Married 15 years and almost didn't make it this far. In our second year of marriage my wife went home when I was deployed and slept with Some Dickhead (who I'll refer to as SD from here out) who she was loose acquaintances with growing up. She hadn't seen him in years but he just happened to show up during my daughter's birthday party because he was the son of one of my mother-in-law's old friends. SD and my wife hooked up later that week after reconnecting."

He went on to explain that he didn't end up leaving her because she quickly came clean and cut off contact with her affair partner.

"The reason I didn't kick my wife's ass to the curb and eventually forgave her is because she told me herself soon after I got home. And she didn't try to justify it with the "oh well you were gone, i felt lonely blah blah blah". No she actually said straight up that she was a fucking dumbass (her words not mine, though I agree) and she felt so sick and disgusting for doing it."

Since then, OP and his wife have gone through counseling and she has gone above and beyond to prove how much OP means to her. That is, until she received a call from her affair partner's mother informing her he passed away.

"She immediately cut off all contact with SD and it took a lot of counseling and healing but here we are today; feels like non-stop since that time that my wife has gone above and beyond proving that I was right to keep her. Well my mother-in-law called yesterday and she heard from SD's mother that SD died in some workplace accident and they're having a funeral service this weekend."

OP shared how his wife revealed she wanted to go to the funeral to say her farewells, which triggered his painful feelings from being cheated on.

"My wife told me this and that she wanted to go and it was like I got kicked right in the dick. I instantly felt nauseous and had fucking horrible flashbacks of when she told me about her affair. All those horrible feelings resurfaced along with the shitty memories of me crying my fucking eyes out and my image of her shattering. The pain felt as fresh as when she dropped that bomb on me."

"I asked her why seeing as she hadn't talked to the guy in over a decade not to mention...you know....she fucked him while we were married. She keeps saying shit like "it's the right thing to do" and "she just wants to pay respects"."

While OP's wife claims attending the funeral is "the right thing to do" the whole situation has made him feel incredibly distraught.

"I can't stop repeating that I'm so hurt with that decision as he's had no part of her life in so long and I'm re-living all those shitty nights I was sure our family would be shattered and I would only see my daughter 50% of the time."

After brief deliberation, he decided to put his foot down and tell her no, which caused a rift between the two of them and inspired him to ask the internet for a second opinion.

"After some back and forth I put my fucking foot down and told her NO, she cannot go. I said it's so disrespectful to me and our marriage and we've been on the silent treatment since then. AITA?"

"EDIT: Seems like people are starting to trip up on me saying "feels like non-stop since that time that my wife has gone above and beyond proving that I was right to keep her." as if I'm saying I own her and she's a piece of property to me. That is not the case, I am simply illustrating that she didn't just say she'll do better, she proved it with her actions and has made me a very happy man in our time together."

Chihuahuamangoes firmly believes OP is reasonable for not wanting her to go to the funeral.

"NTA. You are obviously distressed and she should consider this.

Also, excuse my atheism, this person is dead. His non-conscious decaying body will not care who shows up.'

TDIsideHustle pointed out OP's wife could easily send flowers if she wanted to pay respects.

"NTA- thank you for your service. This would be an absolute no go for me. You’re a good man for putting your family first, and not kicking her to the curb when you first found out. No need for her to open up old wounds. If she wants to pay respect, send some flowers..."

GennyX pointed out the fact that the deceased man was in a relationship and had a daughter during the affair, which would make OP's wife's attendance deeply disrespectful.

"Normally, I’d be against partners not allowing their partner to do something like this. But not this time. You’re NTA for expecting and demanding she make things up to you by starting to show some respect for your marriage and the pain she has caused you."

"I would say to her, ‘if you want to go, I won’t stop you, but don’t come back if you do.’ Did SD have a wife? Kids? Did he cheat on them as well? If so, her presence would also be disrespectful towards his family."

DivaExMachina thinks the wife was being shitty all around.

"Holy shit. The fact that she's prepared to not only risk your marriage but also potentially devastating the wife and child she helped betray by showing her face at the funeral makes her doubly crappy."

"There is something seriously wrong with your wife that she is even considering this, IMO. She seems to have a severe lack of empathy on top of being a very selfish person."

In fact, pretty much everyone on Reddit unanimously agreed that OP was being reasonable for wanting his wife to stay home from the funeral. Which works out in his favor, since that's already what he requested. Hopefully, she'll come around to understanding just how hurtful it is in the first place.

Man asks the internet for advice after his wife asks to attend the funeral of her ex-affair lover.