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<p>Marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it takes <em>a lot</em> of work. Most rewarding things in life do. Like any other type of relationship, marriage requires patience, compassion, and compromise. But these are all just words that can apply in a myriad of ways -- so what <em>exactly </em>does a healthy and sustainable marriage require?</p><p>This is a question most engaged couples have. And if they haven&#39;t wondered this, perhaps they should. Unless they&#39;re somehow all-knowing beings, in which case -- congrats.</p><p>The best people to ask this question is married people themselves. And that&#39;s exactly what reddit user <a href="https://someecards.slack.com/messages/C0XCE6ZSA/details/" target="_blank">gaygril98</a> did when she asked married people to give advice to engaged couples. Here are some of our favorite responses.</p><h2>1. Touch&eacute;, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">Manateebae</a></h2><blockquote> <p>The point of arguing is not to win, it is to understand where they&rsquo;re coming from and why this issue matters to them.</p> </blockquote><h2>2. Words of wisdom from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">questfor17</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Anger is neither a reason nor an excuse for bad behavior. You will get angry, you will fight, but you should never insult, indulge in name-calling, throw things, or hit them. If you cannot or choose not to control what comes out of your mouth when you are angry work on that first, get married second.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>3. A list of gems from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">SaveBandit0215</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Happily married 27 years here. Here&rsquo;s some of what I&rsquo;ve learned along the way:</p> <p>The marriage is more important than the wedding/reception.</p> <p>Disagreements are not you vs me. They&rsquo;re us vs the problem.</p> <p>Shared goals (including finances, kids, careers, etc) are more important than shared hobbies.</p> <p>Sex is important. It&rsquo;s not everything. But it&rsquo;s important.</p> <p>It&rsquo;s great to love the person you&rsquo;re marrying, but hopefully you also like them. As in, if they couldn&rsquo;t be your spouse, for whatever reason, would you still choose them as a friend, exactly the way they are now? Marry someone that you don&rsquo;t feel compelled to try to change into someone different.</p> </blockquote><h2>4. A fair point from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">Ounceofwhiskey</a></h2><blockquote> <p>The biggest transition is if you weren&#39;t living together before. Getting used to sharing everything can be difficult for some but good communication is key to making things work.</p> <p>Discuss finances, once married you take on each other&#39;s debts and responsibilities. It&#39;s important to know what those are before the wedding. Finances are one of, if not the, biggest reasons for failed marriages, so get on the same page early and stay there.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>5. Damn, that&#39;s good, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">Snuffleupagus03</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Gratitude is key. This sounds easy, but let me explain.</p> <p>The key is that gratitude is not a balancing test. Don&#39;t just be grateful the &#39;extra&#39; things your spouse does, be grateful for every.single.thing.</p> <p>If you shop for food, then prep it, cook it, then clear the table, then load the dishwasher, then clean all the pots and pans - and then later your spouse empties the dishwasher, thank them for doing that, and feel it.</p> <p>To me, this is a hard thing for people to do, and it is such a huge part of the happiness in marriage. It leads to a feedback loop of appreciation for the little things as well as the big.</p> <p>It makes it more likely that your spouse will appreciate you and (unless you married a terrible person) far more likely that they will do more.</p> <p>You will also see more of the things they do.</p> <p>This isn&#39;t just &#39;stuff,&#39; but anything. Grateful for listening, for sharing, for sitting on the couch, for having your child etc. etc.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>6. This sounds like it&#39;s coming from a place of anger, but sure, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">jevole</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Fucking clean up after yourself.</p> </blockquote><h2>7. I&#39;m sobbing, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">DeanSmartin</a></h2><blockquote> <p>My wife recently passed away from breast cancer, so I&#39;m not technically married, but I have this advice...marry your best friend. The one you like to have random conversations with, that interests you. The one that makes you laugh a lot. The one you can spend all your time with. The one who will support you in tough times and vice versa. You know....The One.</p> </blockquote><h2>8. A sobering truth from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">Chora_and_Kairos</a></h2><blockquote> <p>The only thing that will keep you together is the persistence of simply staying together in the face of all the boredom, pain, and troubles that will come. You will be bored. You will be in pain, and your relationship will be in trouble. During the bad times you literally have to just say, how are we going to work this out?</p> </blockquote><h2>9. Hot tip from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">Coolest_Breezy</a></h2><blockquote> <p>You&#39;re a team.</p> <p>Act like it. Especially in front of the kids.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>10. This is crucial, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">noizangel</a></h2><blockquote> <p>If you can do a little thing to make your spouse&#39;s day better/life easier, do it. Bring them coffee. Buy that cheese they like. Remember to set up their favourite shows to record. Grand gestures are great, but little things daily remind each other why you&#39;re together.</p> </blockquote><h2>11. Love this one from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">MMMShaggy</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Been married 17 years so far, together 20.</p> <p>Never rush marriage, at the end of the day it&rsquo;s really nothing more than a piece of paper, what really matters is in your heart.</p> <p>Second piece of advice, they better be your best friend or it most likely won&rsquo;t work out.</p> <p>This is someone you&rsquo;ll be spending the rest of your life with(if all goes as planned). And the older you get, the less friends you&rsquo;ll have and the more you&rsquo;ll spend with your significant other.</p> <p>If you&rsquo;re rich a prenuptial should be mandatory. If you stay together no harm no foul, if you separate, well, you&rsquo;ll be glad you got one.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>12. Good stuff from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">CityoftheMoon17</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Married 5 years, together 12.</p> <ol> <li> <p>Effective communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. If you havent already, learn how your partner deals with stress or anger and learn together how to make it work for you guys. Eg: if i am mad i need time to myself. My partner knows to let me cool down alone and will come to check on me after a few minutes. If im still not ok i used to say &#39;fuck off&#39; but now i say &#39;i need some more space&#39; because i know they&#39;re just checking in because they care. He on the other hand, likes attention and comfort when he is mad. Ive had to learn to be more affectionate in times of stress because of this.</p> </li> <li> <p>You are your own self. When you&#39;ve been together a long while, its easy for all your hobbies, interests, values and beliefs to become exactly the same. That doesnt mean you arent entitled to do things for yourself or have a differing opinion. Have atleast one &#39;thing&#39; that is your thing to keep yourself sane and interesting.</p> </li> </ol> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>13. Some very logical advice from <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">thanksforalltheswish</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Create a budget before you merge finances and make sure you&rsquo;re both on the same page.</p> </blockquote><h2>14. Short, simple, and sweet, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">authouritycipher</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Admit when you&#39;re wrong. Ask open-ended questions when you&#39;re right.</p> </blockquote><h2>15. Finally, someone addresses butts, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cdlbw3/married_couples_of_reddit_what_advice_would_you/" target="_blank">jemmo_</a></h2><blockquote> <p>Have separate blankets. Nothing builds resentment like a freezing butt at 3am.</p> <p>When you argue, get comfortable. It&#39;s harder to argue from a squishy armchair as opposed to a straight-backed wooden chair.</p> <p>Be honest. Note that I didn&#39;t say &quot;tell each other everything&quot;, but don&#39;t deliberately omit information your spouse should know. Sometimes a white lie is acceptable. Sometimes it isn&#39;t. Find the balance that works for you and go with it.</p> </blockquote><p>Best of luck to all of the betrothed out there. May your marriages be fruitful, and may your 3am butts never be freezing.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

15 married people share marriage advice for engaged couples. Buy separate blankets.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it takes a lot of work. Most rewarding things in life do. Like any other type of relationship, marriage requires patience, compassion, and compromise. But these are all just words that can apply in a myriad of ways -- so what exactly does a healthy and sustainable marriage require?This is a question most engaged couples have. And if they haven&#39;t wondered this, perhaps they should. Unless they&#39;re somehow all-knowing beings, in which case -- congrats.The best people to ask this question is married people themselves. And that&#39;s exactly what reddit user gaygril98 did when she asked married people to give advice to engaged couples. Here are some of our favorite responses.1. Touch&eacute;, Manateebae The point of arguing is not to win, it is to understand where they&rsquo;re coming from and why this issue matters to them. 2. Words of wisdom from questfor17 Anger is neither a reason nor an excuse for bad behavior. You will get angry, you will fight, but you should never insult, indulge in name-calling, throw things, or hit them. If you cannot or choose not to control what comes out of your mouth when you are angry work on that first, get married second. 3. A list of gems from SaveBandit0215 Happily married 27 years here. Here&rsquo;s some of what I&rsquo;ve learned along the way: The marriage is more important than the wedding/reception. Disagreements are not you vs me. They&rsquo;re us vs the problem. Shared goals (including finances, kids, careers, etc) are more important than shared hobbies. Sex is important. It&rsquo;s not everything. But it&rsquo;s important. It&rsquo;s great to love the person you&rsquo;re marrying, but hopefully you also like them. As in, if they couldn&rsquo;t be your spouse, for whatever reason, would you still choose them as a friend, exactly the way they are now? Marry someone that you don&rsquo;t feel compelled to try to change into someone different. 4. A fair point from Ounceofwhiskey The biggest transition is if you weren&#39;t living together before. Getting used to sharing everything can be difficult for some but good communication is key to making things work. Discuss finances, once married you take on each other&#39;s debts and responsibilities. It&#39;s important to know what those are before the wedding. Finances are one of, if not the, biggest reasons for failed marriages, so get on the same page early and stay there. 5. Damn, that&#39;s good, Snuffleupagus03 Gratitude is key. This sounds easy, but let me explain. The key is that gratitude is not a balancing test. Don&#39;t just be grateful the &#39;extra&#39; things your spouse does, be grateful for every.single.thing. If you shop for food, then prep it, cook it, then clear the table, then load the dishwasher, then clean all the pots and pans - and then later your spouse empties the dishwasher, thank them for doing that, and feel it. To me, this is a hard thing for people to do, and it is such a huge part of the happiness in marriage. It leads to a feedback loop of appreciation for the little things as well as the big. It makes it more likely that your spouse will appreciate you and (unless you married a terrible person) far more likely that they will do more. You will also see more of the things they do. This isn&#39;t just &#39;stuff,&#39; but anything. Grateful for listening, for sharing, for sitting on the couch, for having your child etc. etc. 6. This sounds like it&#39;s coming from a place of anger, but sure, jevole Fucking clean up after yourself. 7. I&#39;m sobbing, DeanSmartin My wife recently passed away from breast cancer, so I&#39;m not technically married, but I have this advice...marry your best friend. The one you like to have random conversations with, that interests you. The one that makes you laugh a lot. The one you can spend all your time with. The one who will support you in tough times and vice versa. You know....The One. 8. A sobering truth from Chora_and_Kairos The only thing that will keep you together is the persistence of simply staying together in the face of all the boredom, pain, and troubles that will come. You will be bored. You will be in pain, and your relationship will be in trouble. During the bad times you literally have to just say, how are we going to work this out? 9. Hot tip from Coolest_Breezy You&#39;re a team. Act like it. Especially in front of the kids. 10. This is crucial, noizangel If you can do a little thing to make your spouse&#39;s day better/life easier, do it. Bring them coffee. Buy that cheese they like. Remember to set up their favourite shows to record. Grand gestures are great, but little things daily remind each other why you&#39;re together. 11. Love this one from MMMShaggy Been married 17 years so far, together 20. Never rush marriage, at the end of the day it&rsquo;s really nothing more than a piece of paper, what really matters is in your heart. Second piece of advice, they better be your best friend or it most likely won&rsquo;t work out. This is someone you&rsquo;ll be spending the rest of your life with(if all goes as planned). And the older you get, the less friends you&rsquo;ll have and the more you&rsquo;ll spend with your significant other. If you&rsquo;re rich a prenuptial should be mandatory. If you stay together no harm no foul, if you separate, well, you&rsquo;ll be glad you got one. 12. Good stuff from CityoftheMoon17 Married 5 years, together 12.   Effective communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. If you havent already, learn how your partner deals with stress or anger and learn together how to make it work for you guys. Eg: if i am mad i need time to myself. My partner knows to let me cool down alone and will come to check on me after a few minutes. If im still not ok i used to say &#39;fuck off&#39; but now i say &#39;i need some more space&#39; because i know they&#39;re just checking in because they care. He on the other hand, likes attention and comfort when he is mad. Ive had to learn to be more affectionate in times of stress because of this.   You are your own self. When you&#39;ve been together a long while, its easy for all your hobbies, interests, values and beliefs to become exactly the same. That doesnt mean you arent entitled to do things for yourself or have a differing opinion. Have atleast one &#39;thing&#39; that is your thing to keep yourself sane and interesting.   13. Some very logical advice from thanksforalltheswish Create a budget before you merge finances and make sure you&rsquo;re both on the same page. 14. Short, simple, and sweet, authouritycipher Admit when you&#39;re wrong. Ask open-ended questions when you&#39;re right. 15. Finally, someone addresses butts, jemmo_ Have separate blankets. Nothing builds resentment like a freezing butt at 3am. When you argue, get comfortable. It&#39;s harder to argue from a squishy armchair as opposed to a straight-backed wooden chair. Be honest. Note that I didn&#39;t say &quot;tell each other everything&quot;, but don&#39;t deliberately omit information your spouse should know. Sometimes a white lie is acceptable. Sometimes it isn&#39;t. Find the balance that works for you and go with it. Best of luck to all of the betrothed out there. May your marriages be fruitful, and may your 3am butts never be freezing.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it takes a lot of work. Most rewarding things in life do. Like any other type of relationship, marriage requires patience, compassion, and compromise. But these are all just words that can apply in a...