Mom asks for advice on how to ask 20-year-old daughter if she's doing escort work.

Looking out for your adult children requires a delicate balance between swooping in with loving support, and sitting back to let them make their own decisions.Run-ins that would have surely merited a conversation when they were a teenager aren't clear-cut when they've reached adulthood, and the lines between genuine concern and helicopter parenting can feel easily blurred.As with most parenting quandaries, there is no one-size-fits-all method for checking in with an adult child, as the nature of your relationship and personality types greatly factors into the bigger picture.In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a concerned mom asks if she's wrong for assuming her adult daughter is doing escort work after a few run-ins around town. WIBTA if I asked my 20 year old daughter if she is prostituting herself? OP kicked off the post by making it clear she's aware how strange the situation might sound. This is really weird thing to ask, I know. I am 41, my daughter is 20. She goes to college nearby, and has an apartment only 7 blocks away, so I see her around. She then went on to lay out three separate instances that made her suspect something is going on with her daughter.The first one went down when OP spotted her daughter accompanying a PDA heavy 50-year-old man outside a bar. There are two, arguably three, major instances which make me think this. I drove by and saw her outside of a bar, with a MUCH older man having his arm around her shoulder and she had her head on his shoulder. He was maybe late 50s. She didn't see me at all watching her. After a bit, he leaned in for a kiss. At that point I thought it was just weird that she was hooking up with a guy that old, not anything other than that. The second instance was when OP's ex-husband ran into their daughter right outside a nearby motel.The motel was super close to their daughter's apartment, which made the run-in seem strange. Another instance was that my ex husband (divorced 4 years ago, he lives in another state but comes by every once in a while) said she ran into my daughter right outside of a motel nearby. She lives so close, why would she be at a motel? The third and most recent run-in occurred when OP and a friend ran into her daughter at a nearby bar.This time, the man was closer to her age - roughly a decade older than her, but OP's daughter seemed deeply uncomfortable with his behavior, and even more so when she saw her mom. I went with my friend to a bar, and we ran into my daughter there. The guy she was with was maybe... 29-30? But he was just so sleazy and weird looking and was acting unbelievably strange to her. My daughter is a very attractive girl, and this guy... was really, really not attractive, very much the opposite. And she was just giggling and laughing at everything he said. Also when she saw us it looked like her heart jumped out of her chest, and she right away seemed intensely uncomfortable. We barely even said hi to each other because she looked horrified at me being there, and so we left right after. My friend who I was with also noticed how weird she seemed with him, and how weird she was acting after she saw us. Now, OP is unsure whether it's wrong of her to confront her daughter to see if she's doing s*x or escort work.OP shared that she knows money is tight for her daughter, but she is concerned about her potential safety. Am I the 'a*shole' for asking my daughter if she is prostituting herself? There is no easy way to ask this question to her. I feel like if I am going to ask it, I kind of *have* to be blunt about it otherwise she will say something else. She has had money problems for a while now, her job is terrible and she doesn't make a lot of money at it... and these three situations I mentioned make me highly suspicious. Dont420blazemebruh thinks OP is 100 percent not wrong for wanting to check in on her daughter. Jesus Christ this sub. No OP, you're NTA for caring if your 20yo daughter (which is still crazy young btw, to all the younger kids in the comments) is turning to prostitution and all the health and safety risks that entails, because of money troubles. Ask. Be blunt. But emphasize that you're there to help, not judge. taeminthedragontamer thinks OP should check in with her daughter, but not in the form of an accusation or assumption. It depends on how you ask her. If it's like 'excuse me daughter, are you a prostitute' then of course that's not fine. If you ask her whether she's having financial issues, how she's resolving them etc. Perhaps even offer help, then it sounds like the sort of question a parent should ask. Maybe bring up the encounter at the bar and mention how she seemed uncomfortable with the guy after you turned up etc and ask her whether she feels pressured to date him because of her financial situation. In short, tact is everything. notmybloatedsac agrees that OP should check in with her daughter, but with an air of helping and not digging. NAH for caring about your daughter..but you might want to ask if she is in any sort of financial problems or needs support somehow? Not necessarily ask if she is prostituting herself...remind her you are there for her if she needs anything..or if she just wants to talk...tell her she has options if things are getting difficult. Hangry_Squirrel reminded OP that s*x workers understand the workers more than outsiders, and to tread into the conversation respectfully. NAH. My guess is that she has several sugar baby arrangements or she wouldn't be wasting her time going out with these men. She's probably selling "the girlfriend experience" rather than doing straight-up prostitution, even though fundamentally they're fairly close. But she's probably not being paid per transaction, but offered free rent, "gifts," etc. You can obviously ask her, as long as you do it tactfully and don't judge her choices. There's a difference between people who do this out of sheer desperation, to keep a roof above their heads, and people who are willing to put themselves through some discomfort in order to have things they might not otherwise be able to afford. Your goal here is to figure out which category she falls in, in case she is being exploited. If it's the former, offering her some assistance would be helpful. I suspect it's the latter, though. The latter know that they don't have to do it if they don't want to (no one *needs* designer bags), so they can afford to choose their clients. The men you saw her with might not be what you want your daughter to bring home, but they probably treat her decently and pay her regularly. I can't imagine what "acting unbelievably strangely" may have involved in a public space and you don't provide details. If he was being affectionate towards her and she was accepting it, it's not unbelievably strange, but part of the arrangement. There are, of course, risks, but it's preposterous and patronizing to explain to a 20-year old doing s*x work how to use a condom or that some men are dangerous. She knows. They all know. Also, she's not working truck stops. There's no law preventing a person from casually dating other persons who buy them nice things or enforcing true feelings or attraction between partners. A sugar baby is an honest gold-digger. A very important discussion, if she's open to it, would be about how she is managing her money. This is not a long-term gig. If she's making a lot of money right now, it's important she saves for college or training of some sort so she can transition to a regular job. It will not be easy, though. Most respectable jobs don't pay anywhere near what she might be making, even with advanced degrees and years of experience. And some escorts enjoy their job because there's often a counseling aspect to it. What she'll need help with is finding a field she enjoys and investing her money wisely. If you don't think you can have a non-judgmental discussion with her, don't do it. Just try to be closer to her and make it clear that you're there if she needs assistance or just someone to talk to. Hopefully the two are able to have a loving and supportive conversation as adults, regardless of what OP's daughter is pursuing in her work or romantic life.