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Mom asks if she's wrong for insisting on paternity test from son's girlfriend. UPDATED

Mom asks if she's wrong for insisting on paternity test from son's girlfriend. UPDATED


It's only natural to want the best for your kids, and that applies to their romantic relationships as well. If your child is going to commit to their partner for the long haul, particularly when it involves raising kids of their own, then you want to know for sure that their significant other is the real deal.

While being protective is only natural, there's a pretty big difference between looking out for your family and needlessly judging their taste in partner. Unless their boo is actively making their life a living hell, support their relationship is usually the most loving route.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a concerned mother asked if she's wrong for wanting a paternity test from her son's pregnant girlfriend.

'AITA for refusing to support my son's pregnant girlfriend until she takes a paternity test?'

OP shared that her son has been dating his girlfriend for six months, and she is now four months pregnant with his baby.

My son (24M) and his girlfriend (24F) have only been together for 6 months, and she is apparently 4 months pregnant with his baby. They have actually been friends since high school, and so my husband and I have known her for a few years as well.

While OP claims her son's girlfriend is 'lovely,' she admitted she didn't envision her son with her in the long haul.

She is a lovely girl, but honestly she is not someone I had hoped would be the mother to my first grandchild. First of all, she is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and while she says she has been clean for 3 years, a relapse is always possible.

She only finished high school with her GED, and she now works as a waitress full time. Her parents died years ago, so she is largely on her own.

OP shared that her son's girlfriend is three years clean from drugs and alcohol and lost both of her parents years back.

In comparison, OP's family is a lot better off financially.

Our family is considerably better off, and my son is joining his father's business, meaning his salary will be quite high and will only continue to grow.

Ever since OP found out about the pregnancy she's suspected it might not be her son's baby, despite having no proof.

Since my son first told us she is pregnant, it can't escape my mind that he may not really he the father, and that she picked him out of potential others because he would be the 'best' in terms of support.

OP wants to get a paternity test before shelling out money to help with the pregnancy test, but her son feels that is violates his trust in his girlfriend.

My son is pushing us to help her with some of her pregnancy expenses, and I told him we would under the condition that she get a paternity test first. He completely blew up at that, accusing us of disliking her (untrue) and not wanting to he grandparents (also untrue).

He says he loves her and trusts her and that he can't wait to meet his baby. I get that, but I think he's being idealistic. If he wants our support, we want a paternity test first. If the baby is truly his then we would be happy to welcome her into our family and we would be happy to help her out. AITA?

vanvarmar thinks OP's judgment is cruel.

YTA. Your son believes in treating his girlfriend's pregnancy as his, so follow suit. You under no circumstances are obligated to assist financially regardless of who the father is, but your disdain and judgment is incredibly vulgar and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

ILogItAll thinks OP needs to change her attitude before she loses the opportunity to be a grandma.

Yes YTA. Think carefully how you treat her or you may not get the privilege of being the grandparent. If my mil did this I would wipe her.

sqitten thinks OP's concerns are not only off base, but irrelevant given the fact that her son is committed either way.

YTA Because he clearly is planning to be the father of this baby, so the genetics no longer matter. If he's going to be the dad, then it's his kid too and your first grandchild.

spacecadetxxx doesn't think OP is wrong for having concerns, but also thinks she is being dishonest about her feelings about her son's girlfriend.

It’s your money. This seems reasonable. But I’m not sure why you said it’s untrue that you dislike her and don’t want her to be the mother of your grandkids as you basically said everything you dislike about her and that you didn’t think she’d be the kind of person to mother your grandkids.

If you dislike her just say it. You wouldn’t be the first person to dislike their children’s SO. NTA.

It feels safe to say that this situation will not smooth itself out unless OP and her son's girlfriend have a frank and understanding conversation with each other. Otherwise, these suspicions will grow into a mountain of tension.

Update from OP:

After my original reddit post I talked to my son, and asked him what kind of financial help he had in mind. According to him, since she does not have insurance many of her medical costs were adding up, and he wanted to help her with those.

A lot of people asked me why my adult son was reliant on us, but to us that is not unusual. He is a recent graduate and while he will be making a decent salary soon, he has just entered the work force and does not have much in the way of savings.

Plus, our family has always believed in helping each other out; if my daughter was pregnant we would no doubt help her.

I expressed my desire for the paternity test, for his benefit, but he would not budge on that. I tried to warn him of the countless stories of fathers duped into parenting children that weren't his, but he was certain.

A couple weeks later his girlfriend actually reached out to me herself. We met up, and she told me she was embarrassed he had asked for financial help on her behalf, as she did not want to take any assistance.

This surprised me, as I assumed she was the one pushing for the money. She was uncomfortable with the paternity test idea, but said she would look into it if it bridged the peace between me and my son.

The paternity test never ended up happening. Over the past few months I have been talking with them more and more, and my husband and I bought them a substantial gift for their new home as a gesture of apology and goodwill. We did offer financial help, but my son refused it.

By the time the baby was born I had gotten to know his girlfriend better and was warming up to her joining our family. She truly is a delightful young woman, more than I gave her credit for.

The baby was born 7 weeks ago. It's a boy, and my son is absolutely thrilled. I have not gotten to meet him yet, but I have gotten to see him over video chat and in photos. He looks like my son, it's not an exact resemblance but I can see my son in this little boy's face, enough that paternity doubts are firmly in the back of my mind.

Truthfully, I have fallen in love with this little boy, and watching my son grow into becoming a father has been the proudest thing in my life. If I had missed this I would have never forgiven myself.

Sources: Reddit
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