Woman asks if she should tell the mother of her daughter's ex about his possessive behavior.

When parenting teenagers, it can be difficult to draw the line between protecting your kids and letting them draw their own boundaries. The lines become even more blurred when dealing with the questionable behavior of other people's teens. Is it your place to call them out, should you contact the parents - or is it best left alone?!In a recent post on the Am I The *sshole subreddit a mom asked if it was wrong to contact the mom of her daughter's ex-boyfriend, due to his emotionally manipulative behavior. "WIBTA for contacting the mom of my daughter's (15F) boyfriend (15M) regarding some concerning behavior and messages?" To kick off the post, OP shared that both her daughter and the ex-boyfriend are just 15-years-old, and their relationship largely consisted of hanging out at the mall. "So my 15 year old daughter is in her first "serious" relationship with a boy she was friends with before they started dating. I put serious in quotes because while they spend time together frequently, they are only ever alone in public places like the mall. My daughter and I have a good relationship and she has shared that they haven't done anything more than kiss at this point. I am not naive enough to think they couldn't be doing more, but my daughter has given me no reason to mistrust her." While OP had been supportive of her daughter's blooming relationship, his possessiveness quickly escalated as they spent more time together.Soon, it became normal for him to incessantly hound her with texts and claim if she didn't respond she was hiding something. "The problem is that the more time they spend together, the more demanding of her time the boyfriend is becoming. He calls and texts her constantly and gets upset when she doesn't respond immediately. She has explained to him that she is not tied to her phone, especially during the summer when she is doing things outside or with friends. He has told her that he worries about her when she doesn't answer, and if she really loved him she wouldn't make him worry. She recognizes this as manipulation and has told him that it is not okay." OP's daughter luckily was able to pinpoint that the behavior was not okay, and sat her boyfriend down to tell him if he didn't chill out she'd end the relationship. "She sat him down and explained that she does not like how demanding and controlling he is becoming, and explained that if he doesn't stop she will break up with him. I was very proud of the way she handled it. We have taught both of our kids that it is important to define your boundaries and then expect the people around you to respect them, as well as taking the time to understand and respect the boundaries of others. I think this is especially important as they navigate their teenage years." Sadly, he didn't heed her words very well, and during a 30 minute bath he sent 30 texts and called her seven times.This display of obvious possessiveness inspired OP's daughter to cut off the relationship. Unfortunately, she was also forced to block him after he blew up her phone and started attempting to contact all their mutual friends. "Last night while she to a 30 minute bath he called her 7 times and sent her over 30 texts that started with him just saying "Babe, call me" and culminated in him saying there would be consequences for her ignoring him. It was the last straw, and she told him she was done. He then blew up her phone until she blocked him and removed him from all of her social media. He then started contacting all of the people in their shared group of friends, trying to get them to talk her into giving him another chance. She. Is. Done." Now, OP feels compelled to contact the mom of her daughter's ex.He is still young and has plenty of time to develop healthier relationship habits, but OP believes that won't happen if his behavior isn't nipped in the bud. As the mother of a 13-year-old boy, OP shared that she'd want to know if her son was harassing a girl in that matter. "As a mom, I would want to know if my son (13M) was treating someone like this. I recognize that this is a learning experience for both of them, and hope that this boy can learn to have healthier relationships on the future." OP doesn't want to overstep her daughter's bounds, but also feels the ex-boyfriend's mom should know about her son's behavior. "WIBTA for contacting his mom and letting her know everything that has been going on? We have chatted in the past, and I have her contact info, so it would be easy to get in touch with her. Or would I be overstepping my bounds by getting involved, since at this point my daughter seems to have done a good job of handling things on her own?" Kelhar417 doesn't think it's a bad move at all for OP to contact the mother. "NTA. You are her mother, they are all minors. Absolutely it is in your right to speak up. Were she an adult, it would be a different story. Kudos to your daughter for setting boundaries and standing her ground!" murderousbudgie thinks it's crucial for OP to give his parents the opportunity to teach him healthier relationship skills. "NTA. This behavior needs to be nipped in the bud before this kid becomes an adult. That's his parents job and they can't do it if they don't know about it. You're doing a favor to your daughter and every other girl and woman he meets." Razor_Grrl is a parent of sons and would want to know. "Agreed. NTA. I have sons and I would definitely want to know if this was happening because it is so important to address this stuff when they are young. I would thank you for letting me know (keep in mind his parent may not, but at least you’ve done your due diligence)." Reyes0fSunshine commends OP and her daughter for handling this so maturely. "NTA. Your daughter has done a tremendous job at recognizing and responding appropriately to some seriously concerning behaviors. I don’t think it would be going too far to inform his parents as they might be able to address it on their end, but also be prepared that it might not have an impact on them. He has most likely learned this behavior somewhere and that may be at home." "Not to worry you further, but also know that he may escalate further now that she has broken it off. Maybe have a talk with your daughter to not only let her know she just made a great decision but also to plan for safety in case he won’t leave her alone. Fingers crossed for you two that he gives it up and leaves her alone." After receiving a lot of encouraging responses, OP updated the post by sharing that she talked to her daughter about the decision. "UPDATE: I talked with my daughter tonight and told her that I was considering calling his mom to discuss his behavior. (For the record, I would have done this even without all of the suggestions to do so. I respect her enough to keep her in the loop.) I explained that I don't think she could have handled the situation any better than she did, and I am so proud of her for advocating for herself and her boundaries. But I have concerns about the way he continues to stomp those boundaries and try to manipulate her. I am also concerned about his future relationships if he doesn't make some serious changes, which probably won't happen without some intervention." Her daughter is completely okay with OP contacting the mom, but they decided to wait a few days to see if he'll calm down on his own. "She was not upset at all and said she understood why I would want to call his mom. She asked that I wait a couple of days to see if he stops the behaviors on his own. We agreed that if he is still trying to call and text her and her friends by Friday, I will make the call. As a side note, the friends he has contacted have all told him that he needs to give her space and understand why she broke up with him. She is lucky to really have a great group of friends." OP also shared that teaching their kids the importance of boundaries and self-advocacy has been a focus throughout the years, and it's encouraging to see how her teen daughter has internalized those lessons. "Also, for those of you who have asked... From a very early age we have always emphasized the importance of boundaries with our kids. We never forbid them from being friends with kids we saw as potential bad influences, but focused on what makes a good friend. When problems arose, we would talk to them and help them see when someone wasn't respecting them (or when they weren't respecting others). "So her recognizing that he was being manipulative and needy was an extension of that. I'm so happy that years of those types of conversations worked and she has a very good grasp on what health interactions look like!" Hopefully, the ex-boyfriend is able to unlearn his manipulative behavior so his future relationships can be healthier and other young women aren't put into this position.