Mom makes daughters wear dresses to visit grandparents, they threaten 'no contact.'

Maintaining family relationships with older family members can be hard when they hold far more Conservative values.

Figuring out the line between compromise, respecting your elders, and not merely bending to someone else's whims can be a difficult challenge, especially when teens are involved.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for making her daughters wear dresses when they visit their grandparents.

She wrote:

AITA for making my daughters wear dresses when they visit their grandparents?

My in-laws are what you would call traditional. They seem to think the world should have stopped 50 years ago, and think everything since then is evil. They aren't racist (that I know of) or outwardly bigoted, but they just are very old-fashioned.

My husband and I have three children (16f, 14f, 10m) and we go to visit all their grandparents since they live close. Here's the issue, they don't like the idea of women wearing pants.

My MIL says it's 'showing off' and my FIL always says it isn't Christian. Now I'm pretty feminine, so I don't mind throwing on a dress when we stop by, but our daughters are not.

They don't like visiting my husband's parents, which breaks his heart, because we make them put on a dress before they go. They are both pretty tomboyish, and they never wear any dresses otherwise.

I had to buy each of them a few dresses specifically so they can go. To be clear it's not like they aren't allowed over if they wear pants, it's just that they won't shut up the entire time about how much they hate it.

Our daughters hate this, and think it's unfair. I guess it is, but in a lot of cultures women only wear skirts and dresses so I don't think it's a big deal. Plus it isn't like it hurts them to wear a dress a few times a week for a few hours.

The issue is our oldest is planning to never speak to her grandparents again after she's 18, and I'm worried it's affecting them.

This post brought out a lot of commenters.

thecoffeefrog wrote:

'My MIL says it's 'showing off' and my FIL always says it isn't Christian.'

This? Right here? Is the problem. YTA for letting your in-laws treat your daughters this way.

TogarSucks wrote:

YTA. I was reading this assuming they had to see the grandparents every few months or so and still thought OP was an a**hole. Then I got to this part:

'it isn’t like it hurts them to wear a dress a few times a week for a few hours.'

What the hell OP!?! These poor kids have to be subjected to them several times a week!?!

You’re worried they aren’t going to speak to the grandparents again after they turn 18, you should be more worried they won’t speak to you or your husband either.

the_alicemay wrote:

YTA. I know it seems like it’s just easier to get them to wear a dress but it’s sending them the message that their feelings and comfort aren’t as important as other people's.

Their grandparents should love them for them, not if they wear what they consider appropriate clothing. It’s not 1950 anymore. G-parents need to accept things are different and you need to support your kids.

Left-Car6520 wrote:

You are on the wrong side of history here, without question.

YTA.

My grandmother used to fight with my dad about me not wearing dresses to church. God I hated dresses.

My grandmother was born before 1900, she had some very outdated ideas. And my dad was not exactly a hero dad in many ways, but in this aspect, he stood up for me, hard. Against his own mother who he loved and admired very much.

But on this, he would not allow her to try to teach me that I had to follow these ridiculous expectations. I overheard it once, and it stayed with me for life. It mattered in many ways. It is really important to stand up for your girls on this.

I don't think you understand how significant it is that you're failing to do it.

Hopefully, OP listens to the chorus of YTA, and changes course with how she's handling this with her kids.