Teenagers aren't the most tactful demographic.
They awkwardly straddle the line between child and adult, which means they can =cut with the sharpness of someone grown, while wielding the clumsiness of a kid.
As an actual adult, it can be hard to decipher when a teen is intentionally being hurtful or when they're just putting their foot in their mouth.
AITA for banishing my teenage daughter's friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?
I (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son.
Our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we've had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. Turns out she isn't on the spectrum; she's just a natural introvert.
However, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. She recently invited her new friend over (with our approval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night.
So, my daughter's friend came over. My husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. During the course of said meal I asked my daughter's friend; 'Are you enjoying the food?'
She responded 'Yes! [Your husband] is a great cook! No wonder you've ended up a bigger woman.'
The room got quiet for several moments. My husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but I wasn't having it. The girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me.
My daughter's friend seemed to realize that she'd messed up but she didn't say anything else. We finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter's friend did stay the night. This was a couple of months ago.
Recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and I told her 'Sure; if she's going to apologize to me.' When our daughter asked what I meant I reminded her of what she'd said.
My daughter responded that it was over and she didn't want to bring it up again. She then went to her father and asked. He said 'sure' but she then told him what I'd said.
He came to me and said: '[Daughter's friend] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. It didn't land. For the sake of our daughter can't you just let it go?'
Yes, I could, but the thing is that I just want an apology from the girl. I need to see that she understands how rude she was before I can get on board with her and my daughter hanging out.
My husband says that I am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14-year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter. I think it's weird that I'm still waiting for an apology from that same girl. Seriously.
That's all I need. I just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw-ups.
The internet was quick to share their thoughts and judgments.
YTA. Did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re both socially awkward?
She’s a 14-year-old kid. Even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. Let it go. Don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off-hand comment.
YTA. I'm a big woman and I would have laughed it off. She was complimenting your husband's cooking and I don't think she meant any malice behind it. You need thicker skin and suck it up.
YTA. You should have asked for an apology at the table. What she said was very rude, and I think she knew it as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do to make it right.
If you’d said: “That’s very rude, and I’d like an apology” she would have said “I’m sorry” right there, and while awkward, it would have been over.
You missed your teaching moment. Holding a grudge for months against a 14-year-old is silly, and you’re punishing your daughter unfairly. Let the kid have a friend.
YTA. Stop it. You're the adult here. Don't pick a fight with a 14-year-old child. It's clear this kid didn't mean to upset you. Do you really want to sabotage your own child's friendships because of your ego?
You don't 'need' an apology. You need to act like an adult and shake it off.
YTA. If 14 is old enough to apologize, 37 is old enough to communicate that at the time. You've taken an awkward moment that this girl probably wishes she could forget and made it into some huge issue.
Have some grace, let it go, let her think it's forgotten. And let your daughter have a friend, ffs.
Clearly, the internet thinks OP needs to let this go for the sake of her daughter.