Mom of four asks if she was wrong to tell 5-year-old she never wanted kids.

How honest can you really be about parenthood with your own children?

Especially when you have young children, telling them how you truly felt when you found out you were pregnant might not always be the best idea. Very young kids might not understand that you still love them even though you have a complicated relationship to motherhood, and you could potentially cause serious damage to their self-esteem and self-worth.

When people are unsure of whether or not they did the right thing, Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole?' is the internet moral compass ready to help. So, when a young mother of four was unsure if she was in the wrong for telling her 5-year-old that she didn't want children, people were ready to chime in. Let's dive in, shall we?

AITA for telling my husband I regret having our children and telling my daughter I never wanted her?

I (f24) have 4 children. I had my first when I was 19. My children are 5F, 3F, 2F and 1M. All of our children have been planned, but it’s always been my husband pushing to have another. If he’d have let me I would’ve stopped after our oldest. I never really wanted to be a mom, and don’t feel as though I connect with them very well.

A few nights ago I was putting my eldest daughter to sleep when she started asking me loads of questions. She’s a really curious little girl. I had a traumatic birth with her and post natal depression so always struggled with bonding, and still do struggle connecting with her.

She told me she wants lots of babies when she’s older and then asked me how many I wanted when I was her age. I told her I didn’t want any and that I didn’t even want any when I had her. I know she’s only 5 but she massively misinterpreted it and got upset. I comforted her and put her back to sleep.

In the morning she must’ve told her father what had happened when he was making her breakfast as I woke up to my husband absolutely furious with me for traumatizing our daughter and damaging her self esteem. I told him she’d be fine but he kept shouting at me telling me I was an awful mother. I replied that it’s hard being a good mother to kids you regret having.

He asked if I was being serious and I said that I was being impulsive when I said that but that I didn’t want them and he knew that. He left the room absolutely furious with me and took the kids to his parents house. AITA (Am I the As*hole?)

People were quick to offer their opinion:

Your daughter didn't 'massively misinterpret' what you said. You were incredibly inappropriate and hurtful to your small child, your daughter, your 5 year old who is tender and your responsibility. You need to get help. Get counseling. Figure out how to address your issues before you hurt your kids any more than you are. And meantime, don't have any more until you want them. - milee30

How else did she think a FIVE YEAR OLD would interpret those incredibly literal words? - pammy_poovey

You write about yourself like you're a victim. It's your husband's fault you had so many kids, it's your daughters fault for misinterpreting you, it's your husband's fault for getting mad.

No you chose to have that many kids at a young age. You chose to be with someone who wanted kids. You chose to say that horrible thing to your daughter. Good luck because if your husband divorces you that little comment will come up in the custody battle. - Overall-Bus

This is going to effect your daughter for the rest of her life.

You need to be In therapy. Something is seriously wrong for you to say that to a 5 year old child. Please get help for the sake of your children. I’m worried for them. - failedantidepressant

No one else is saying it, but ESH (Everyone Sucks Here)

Your husband is clearly not the greatest person in the world for forcing you into having multiple children you didn't want. While others might think 'you cant be forced since you're the one giving birth' i understand enough about toxic relationship dynamics to know you very well could've been. I get that you didn't want them and feel disconnected.

However. That is not your daughters fault. She didn't ask to be born anymore than you asked to have her. But she exists now, and you are still responsible for that. And you do not tell a five year old 'i never wanted to have you' no matter the context. There was no misunderstanding. She knew what you really meant. And lets face it, so do you.

The problem is, this inner resentment will always be present when dealing with your kids. Even if you don't intend to, you will end up hurting them again due to this latent resentment for them. Therapy would be a good start. If that does not fix the problem, then leaving them to your husband, or to adoption may be a better option if you cannot learn to control those feelings of resentment.

You may not have wanted them. But it isn't their fault they exist. You cannot take that out on them, even unintentionally. - Dannstack

She was wrong to say it to the kid, but four children in five years (all before turning 25) and the husband pressured her into having them? No way there isn’t something very wrong here. - meggannn

Your daughter is going to internalize this. Why did you marry a guy who wanted kids when you didn't? That's like basic compatibility stuff. - chambergambit

It is never right to tell a child they are unwanted. - UnsightlyFuzz

So, there you have it! This mom definitely should not have been so brutally honest with her daughter given how young she is, and could've potentially caused long-lasting damage. Hopefully she and her husband will be able to explain to their daughter how loved she is and help each other in how they parent their four children in the future. Good luck, everyone!