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<p>We all know the movie trope: a happy family dynamic is quickly unraveled when a gorgeous nanny enters the picture. Maybe the marriage was already on the rocks, but neither partner was ready to admit it until there was another effortlessly beautiful woman connecting with their children, and being exposed to their truth.</p><p>In other cases, the nanny herself isn&#39;t interested but the husband&#39;s wandering eye is hard to hide, and the wife sees it and takes note. While these scenarios are reductive in the ways they pit women against each other, assume the worst of straight men, and undermine the fact that nannying is a career women do for money - not the male gaze, the stereotype in pop culture still informs how some people make their decisions in real life.</p><h2>In a recent post on <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eldh5o/aita_my_husband_says_i_am_a_sexist_for_not_being/" target="_blank">the Am I The A*shole subreddit</a>, a mom asked if she&#39;s wrong for feeling uncomfortable hiring an attractive younger nanny.</h2><blockquote> <p>My husband and I are pregnant with our third child we were looking to get a nanny to help out for the first two years. I am planning on returning to work in two months after I deliver.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>OP shared that she&#39;s planning to return to work two months after giving birth to her third child, so she&#39;s been looking with her husband for a good nanny.</h2><blockquote> <p>I am a bit uncomfortable having another woman in the house to be honest especially someone younger and more attractive than me. I trust my husband I just don&rsquo;t want to invite that risk to my home.</p> </blockquote><h2>However, OP admits she feels uncomfortable hiring a younger, more attractive nanny (despite trusting her husband), and turned down two of the potential nannies for that reason.</h2><blockquote> <p>When we were interviewing candidates I rejected two of the nannies despite them being qualified in everything we were looking for.</p> </blockquote><h2>While OP&#39;s husband agrees they should hire someone she&#39;s comfortable with, he pointed out that it&#39;s sexist to deny women the position just because they&#39;re young and pretty.</h2><blockquote> <p>My husband told me that he doesn&rsquo;t want to pick anyone that we aren&rsquo;t both comfortable with around our children. But if I am rejecting them just based on their age and attractiveness that it&rsquo;s sexist.</p> </blockquote><h2>OP agrees in theory, but thinks the situation is different given the fact the nanny will be in their home.</h2><blockquote> <p>I agree with my husband, in that if I was applying for a job and I got turned down for my age or level of attractiveness it would be upsetting but I feel that there should be an exception for someone that will be in our house all day. In his words that it shows that I am a sexist when I am the employer or the one in power. I don&rsquo;t know.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eldh5o/aita_my_husband_says_i_am_a_sexist_for_not_being/" target="_blank">hopsandhorns</a> pointed out the contradictions in OP&#39;s logic.</h2><blockquote> <p>&quot;I trust my husband I just don&rsquo;t want to invite that risk to my home.&quot;</p> <p>YTA - you don&#39;t trust him. Why would it be a risk if you do trust him?</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eldh5o/aita_my_husband_says_i_am_a_sexist_for_not_being/" target="_blank">emmmmme_in_wien</a> thinks OP is TA for letting her insecurities rule the hiring process.</h2><blockquote> <p>YTA and I feel bad for the woman who passes your unreasonable standard of being ugly enough to be hired. Work on your own insecurities first. Either you trust your husband or you don&rsquo;t.</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MercyMain97/">MercyMain97</a> thinks it&#39;s more complex than that, and that OP is just being honest about her post-partum insecurities.</h2><blockquote> <p>NAH -</p> <p>I made an account just to post on the because I was surprised at all of the YTA replies. If people want to argue that it&#39;s sexist and ageist, that&#39;s a &quot;sure I guess&quot; from me. So the husband isn&#39;t wrong here other than maybe his approach by just calling her sexist and not trying to see if there is an underlying issue.</p> <p>Anyway,</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I feel like majority of her discomfort does not come from distrust of her husband but the inevitable self esteem issues that pregnant and post-pregnancy women face. Their bodies haven&#39;t been their own for months. These women may feel fatter, un-sexy, old, etc. And lets get real if we think that women don&#39;t compare themselves to other women. Even if someone is trying to have a positive outlook and not compare themselves, things happen. And while feeling all of these negative emotions and being very vulnerable you see this beautiful woman being the perfect nanny (mother-like figure) to your children?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Being everything you may be unable to bring yourself to be? That&#39;s just asking for trouble. If she isn&#39;t comfortable with a nanny for age and attractiveness it&#39;s fine. She is going to be the one going through body and hormone changes and if she doesn&#39;t want a &quot;pretty little thing&quot; making her feel less than. I applaud her for being so honest about her discomfort. I only wish she would explain to her husband why she has this discomfort. Maybe I&#39;m incorrect and it is a cheating thing and she is TA. But if it&#39;s a confidence thing it&#39;s OK and she has every right to feel this way.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>P.S. This probably has poor grammar, I don&#39;t care enough to change it. Also, I&#39;m a woman in case that matters for the context of my answer.</p> <p>Edit: Thank you kind strangers for the Gold, Silvers and the credit gift. First reddit comment and I get A gold and some silvers lucky me!</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eldh5o/aita_my_husband_says_i_am_a_sexist_for_not_being/" target="_blank">NotTheRocket</a> thinks OP&#39;s reaction belies a more sinister marital issue.</h2><blockquote> <p>YTA. Yes you should feel comfortable with the person caring for your child, but if you&#39;re seriously this worried about having an attractive woman in your home there are serious issues at play.</p> </blockquote><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eldh5o/aita_my_husband_says_i_am_a_sexist_for_not_being/" target="_blank">redditpokemon11</a> is a young nanny and thinks OP is wrong, but has some comforting words.</h2><blockquote> <p>YTA but also i understand. Just a piece of comforting advice as a young nanny myself- we get to see the dad everyday. We see the bad side of him as much as you do. It&rsquo;s not like we see him at work or out socially when people put on their best personality. We see him when he tells us the kid had diarrhea all night or that the teen stuck a pen up their nose and it&rsquo;s stuck. Also, young nannies usually don&rsquo;t want to date a married guy with 3 kids. Hope some of that comforts you.</p> </blockquote><p>Regardless of what decision OP and her husband make moving forward, it sounds like a long and honest talk about their marriage and insecurities is much needed.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Mom of three asks if she's wrong for rejecting 'younger more attractive' nannies.

We all know the movie trope: a happy family dynamic is quickly unraveled when a gorgeous nanny enters the picture. Maybe the marriage was already on the rocks, but neither partner was ready to admit it until there was another effortlessly beautiful woman connecting with their children, and being exposed to their truth.In other cases, the nanny herself isn&#39;t interested but the husband&#39;s wandering eye is hard to hide, and the wife sees it and takes note. While these scenarios are reductive in the ways they pit women against each other, assume the worst of straight men, and undermine the fact that nannying is a career women do for money - not the male gaze, the stereotype in pop culture still informs how some people make their decisions in real life.In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a mom asked if she&#39;s wrong for feeling uncomfortable hiring an attractive younger nanny. My husband and I are pregnant with our third child we were looking to get a nanny to help out for the first two years. I am planning on returning to work in two months after I deliver. OP shared that she&#39;s planning to return to work two months after giving birth to her third child, so she&#39;s been looking with her husband for a good nanny. I am a bit uncomfortable having another woman in the house to be honest especially someone younger and more attractive than me. I trust my husband I just don&rsquo;t want to invite that risk to my home. However, OP admits she feels uncomfortable hiring a younger, more attractive nanny (despite trusting her husband), and turned down two of the potential nannies for that reason. When we were interviewing candidates I rejected two of the nannies despite them being qualified in everything we were looking for. While OP&#39;s husband agrees they should hire someone she&#39;s comfortable with, he pointed out that it&#39;s sexist to deny women the position just because they&#39;re young and pretty. My husband told me that he doesn&rsquo;t want to pick anyone that we aren&rsquo;t both comfortable with around our children. But if I am rejecting them just based on their age and attractiveness that it&rsquo;s sexist. OP agrees in theory, but thinks the situation is different given the fact the nanny will be in their home. I agree with my husband, in that if I was applying for a job and I got turned down for my age or level of attractiveness it would be upsetting but I feel that there should be an exception for someone that will be in our house all day. In his words that it shows that I am a sexist when I am the employer or the one in power. I don&rsquo;t know. hopsandhorns pointed out the contradictions in OP&#39;s logic. &quot;I trust my husband I just don&rsquo;t want to invite that risk to my home.&quot; YTA - you don&#39;t trust him. Why would it be a risk if you do trust him? emmmmme_in_wien thinks OP is TA for letting her insecurities rule the hiring process. YTA and I feel bad for the woman who passes your unreasonable standard of being ugly enough to be hired. Work on your own insecurities first. Either you trust your husband or you don&rsquo;t. MercyMain97 thinks it&#39;s more complex than that, and that OP is just being honest about her post-partum insecurities. NAH - I made an account just to post on the because I was surprised at all of the YTA replies. If people want to argue that it&#39;s sexist and ageist, that&#39;s a &quot;sure I guess&quot; from me. So the husband isn&#39;t wrong here other than maybe his approach by just calling her sexist and not trying to see if there is an underlying issue. Anyway,  I feel like majority of her discomfort does not come from distrust of her husband but the inevitable self esteem issues that pregnant and post-pregnancy women face. Their bodies haven&#39;t been their own for months. These women may feel fatter, un-sexy, old, etc. And lets get real if we think that women don&#39;t compare themselves to other women. Even if someone is trying to have a positive outlook and not compare themselves, things happen. And while feeling all of these negative emotions and being very vulnerable you see this beautiful woman being the perfect nanny (mother-like figure) to your children?  Being everything you may be unable to bring yourself to be? That&#39;s just asking for trouble. If she isn&#39;t comfortable with a nanny for age and attractiveness it&#39;s fine. She is going to be the one going through body and hormone changes and if she doesn&#39;t want a &quot;pretty little thing&quot; making her feel less than. I applaud her for being so honest about her discomfort. I only wish she would explain to her husband why she has this discomfort. Maybe I&#39;m incorrect and it is a cheating thing and she is TA. But if it&#39;s a confidence thing it&#39;s OK and she has every right to feel this way.  P.S. This probably has poor grammar, I don&#39;t care enough to change it. Also, I&#39;m a woman in case that matters for the context of my answer. Edit: Thank you kind strangers for the Gold, Silvers and the credit gift. First reddit comment and I get A gold and some silvers lucky me! NotTheRocket thinks OP&#39;s reaction belies a more sinister marital issue. YTA. Yes you should feel comfortable with the person caring for your child, but if you&#39;re seriously this worried about having an attractive woman in your home there are serious issues at play. redditpokemon11 is a young nanny and thinks OP is wrong, but has some comforting words. YTA but also i understand. Just a piece of comforting advice as a young nanny myself- we get to see the dad everyday. We see the bad side of him as much as you do. It&rsquo;s not like we see him at work or out socially when people put on their best personality. We see him when he tells us the kid had diarrhea all night or that the teen stuck a pen up their nose and it&rsquo;s stuck. Also, young nannies usually don&rsquo;t want to date a married guy with 3 kids. Hope some of that comforts you. Regardless of what decision OP and her husband make moving forward, it sounds like a long and honest talk about their marriage and insecurities is much needed.