Watching someone else's kid is a big responsibility.
You're tasked with making sure they're emotionally, mentally, and physically safe. And that doesn't even begin to tackle the question of how entertained and happy they are in your care.
On paper, people with their own kids are going to be better equipped for childcare since they know what it feels like to care for their own. But tension can build when one parent has different ideas of what's okay than another.
One mom faced this tension recently after getting reamed out by another mom for not allowing her kid to get picked up from a play date by a strange man.
I ruined my (29F) daughter's (10f) best friend relationship because I wouldn't let the other 10-year-old leave my house with a guy I didn't know.
I am honestly not sure what is going on. Before I start, I am going to assign fake names for privacy. Abby is my daughter's best friend and Amy is her mom (not their real names).
For background, these two girls have been best friends since kindergarten. They have celebrated birthdays, Christmas, and millions of sleepovers.
Abby spends so much time at my home I even got my daughter a trundle bed for when she spends the night. Now to the story, this started last Monday. Amy works the night shift and sometimes her mom can't watch Abby.
Amy asked me to watch Abby Friday night and that she would pick her up Saturday afternoon. I have no problem watching Abby. She is a sweetheart, so I agreed. This is also a regular thing for us.
Abby spends at least one Friday of the month at my home. Well, fast forward to Friday, and there haven't been any updates to change the sleepover plans. Friday comes and I pick the girls up.
We have a normal sleepover day: watching movies, eating snacks, ordering pizza, etc. Well, the girls are in their room, and I am in my room when my ring camera gives me a notification that someone is at my door.
I look at my camera and it is a guy that I don't recognize. It is 9:15, so not extremely late, but I still didn't physically answer my door. I responded on my camera asking who was he and what he wanted.
The mystery guy told me he was Amy's boyfriend and was there to get Abby. These are my issues with that. I don't know this man, I didn't know Amy was even dating a guy (especially not serious enough for him to show up unannounced at my home).
When I showed Abby the guy and asked if she knew him, she just said: 'That's my mom's friend that comes over when I am getting on the bus.' I asked her if she knew his name or anything else and Abby said no.
At this point, I have already texted and called Amy several times to try and ask her, but I am not getting any response. I tell the guy using my camera that Amy isn't responding to me and that I need her permission before I give him her child.
The mystery guy tries to convince me saying that he was supposed to watch Abby at first but something came up. He ended up free now and wanted to get her.
I still expressed that without a text, call, or something from Amy I wouldn't allow Abby to leave my home. Plus, I was told that Abby was supposed to be with her grandmother before the plans changed to me.
The mystery guy got upset and hit my door then left. I genuinely thought this was the right thing to do. For me, this was a stranger that Abby didn't know asking to get Abby at 9:00 pm without having any proof Amy told him to.
Well, that was the wrong thing to do apparently. Saturday morning comes, and I am up making breakfast when someone starts banging on my door. I open the door, and Amy comes in cussing, screaming, the whole nine yards.
She is accusing me of kidnapping her child, saying she will report me to CPS, and a lot of threats. According to Amy, I was supposed to send her daughter with a man that Abby (her daughter) and I didn't know.
According to her, her boyfriend (whom she has been dating for 4 months) should be allowed to randomly come over and get Abby. I may have reacted poorly because I laughed.
By this point, Amy woke up the girls and they were watching her yell while I laughed and got breakfast ready. I questioned her 'Why didn't you text me back anytime last night?'
'You've been off work for a while, how did you just now realize that your daughter was still here?', 'Why didn't you text/call me telling me about the change of plans?'
'How was I supposed to know some guy was coming to get Abby if you told me your mom was supposed to watch her before me?'.
Amy's responses were basically that she didn't have to report every guy she f*cked to me, and I agree she doesn't. But, if you have a stranger coming to my home, to get your child that is in my care, I deserve to at least know someone is coming.
She left after this. Now, Abby has told my daughter that Amy says they can't be friends until I apologize.
I am torn because part of me wants my daughter to have good friendships, but I honestly don't understand how I am even close to being wrong. I am still trying to decide if I need to apologize.
Honestly, I didn’t add this because it sounded crazy and I thought it was my memory making it worse, but when I said no and it was a clear no, it’s like his demeanor changed.
Like when he first came my answer was no, but if Amy would’ve called me and said “oh yea I forgot to tell you I’m sorry!” I would’ve sent Abby. But after he hit my door and muttered it was like idk how to explain it.
Kinda like a scary movie when they reveal who the villain is to the audience. I know that sounds crazy.
OP received a lot of support online, which stood in stark contrast to the ear-full she received IRL.
I feel so bad for the kids. That stranger at your door sounded completely shady and only a fool would send Abby off with him. She didn’t even know his name! His persistence makes it worse.
This gives me the feeling that more going on. This guy shows up when kid is getting on the bus. Never introduced. Mom “at work” but never gets back to person in charge of her child. Sends a stranger to your house. I’m worried for that little girl.
Amy is the a**hole here. All she had to do was apologize for not telling you her bf would possibly be picking up the kid. The fact that he got mad and started acting out at your doorstep is super concerning and should concern Amy.
Honestly, you've been a doormat for this woman giving her free babysitting duties etc for a long time she has become an entitled pos. Don't worry next time she needs someone to watch her daughter she will come back.
I suggest you distance yourself from someone who threatened to call the cops and CPS on you for doing the smart thing and not handing a 10-year-old to a stranger.
You did not ruin anything. Amy is in the wrong here. The fact that she never got back to you until the next morning is so crazy. I am sorry your daughter might be losing a close friend, but I don't trust the other mum.
If your daughter was sleeping at her house and the same situation happened, she probably would give that person your kid. You did nothing wrong and I hope your daughter sees that.
So a guy decides to get a child and Amy expects you to hand her child over to some random guy her child doesn't even really know? Also, something about him deciding to come get her after all, feels off.
Seems like Amy wasn't even aware he decided to get her. She had a safe place to be, why did he decide to come get her from a sleepover? I can't quite put my finger on it because I obviously don't know him or the whole situation but it feels off.
Amy sounds crazy. This was all her fault. Who doesn't respond when their child is away for the night? What if it had been an emergency? You definitely did the right thing.
Do you have a recording of your conversation over the ring camera? He hit the door in anger instead of being reasonable? This guy is a child predator that’s dating Amy to get to Abby. Amy came over and screamed at you because he harangued her.
She is emotionally abused, soon he will escalate to physical domestic violence of Amy, and sexual abuse of Abby. Does Amy party? She sounds like she might have a mild substance abuse problem, and that’s how/why this guy is targeting her.
There’s no logical or appropriate reason for a stranger to show up asking for a child, while the child’s mom is not communicating. None. Zero. Save your recording and text messages. Protect Abby. Good luck.
I hope a conversation with Amy will help, but consider reaching out for professional guidance. I suspect Amy needs more help than a heart-to-heart over coffee. She’s lost her mind if she thinks anything that’s happening is OK.
You’re a wonderful mom. Good luck. I’m praying Abby stays safe.
Amy may have been pimping her daughter out. You have to report her to CPS, that you are concerned about the wellbeing of her daughter.
Who trusts her daughter to a BF, it's no news that some men actually attach themselves to single moms to get to their young children.
You have to make it clear to Amy that her behaviour was suspicious and that you will report her to CPS, if she tries to restrict her daughter from you.
I decided to message Amy to try and meet and talk. I don’t want something to be going on with Abby or even Amy that I am missing. After our talk, I will update. Thank you all for your advice.
Clearly, OP did the right thing.
Okay, so here’s an update. I want to start by saying that none of this will make sense. I don’t know if Amy is blind to lies, hiding something, or what is going on.
I'm using fake names of course, but 'Brian' is the mystery guy.
I met up with Amy, and this is the nonsense she told me. Amy told me how she met Brian at work and it started as drinking together then sleeping together and now apparently Amy is pregnant (bombshell to me too).
Well according to her “Brian only showed up at your house to step up as a father.” He isn't Abby’s dad, so I still don't understand how he went from I've never been introduced to Abby, to spending the night alone with Abby.
I immediately brought up the questions you guys had.
How did he have my address?
Apparently, Amy wanted to introduce him to Abby one morning after a sleepover and they came to my apartment. Issue: I live in an apartment, so from the street, you can't see my door. So how did he know my actual address.
The video I have, doesn't show him knocking on any of my neighbor's doors.
Why do you trust him alone with your daughter?
Amy claims that she talked to him about how she felt like a burden so as a surprise, when he got off work he tried to pick Abby up from my house. (Issue: it sounds like he still got Abby without her permission and she avoided my question).
If you didn't know he was going to get her, why did you come to my home yelling?
Amy claimed that Brian called her that morning cussing about how I was rude and made him feel like a creep for just trying to be nice. Brian claims that I cussed him out, threatened to hit him, and got very aggressive.
Red flag: I never left my bed (except to ask Abby if she knew him, but essentially I never went to my door).
I showed Amy the recording from that night that shows me not cussing, threatening, or making any other type of comment toward him, and she told me that my tone was still aggressive. I personally don't think I was.
Basically, none of this story makes sense to me. I understand that Amy is pregnant, but I don't understand how that excuses his behavior or makes me the bad guy. I am not allowing my child to go anywhere with Amy.
Abby is still allowed in my home. I want her to have a safe place to come to in case something is happening at home. I am unsure of whether I have enough evidence for anything CPS-related.
But I have the video saved, and I will start keeping up with anything weird around Abby. I'm sorry that this didn't reveal more to the story.
I hoped that Amy would give some clarity to clear this mess, but I feel like she only avoided my questions. I think she only gave me half-truths. I fear what is actually going on.
Imagine seeing nothing wrong with 'Hey daughter, you see this guy you only know from popping in when you leave the last 4 months and is proved to be a liar?'
'Surprise, he's your daddy now since I don't care about that fact, so just let him whisk you away whenever he wants/regardless of what you're doing, cause his happiness is more important than your comfort regarding these matters.'
'He doesn't need my permission and you don't need a say about this huge change, that way everyone can just start being happy now and do things the way he just happens to approach them.' That poor girl.
Thanks for the update. You’ve been on my mind. I’m glad you care enough to keep tabs on your daughter’s friend. This seems like a really bad situation the mother is putting her in.
The part that throws the most shade is how she came back at you based on “how you made him feel”. Yikes.
Thank you for the update! It sounds like you’re doing the right thing here. Amy clearly doesn’t want to share what’s going on with Brian at the moment.
I agree with you that there must be something else going on, but maybe she will one day! And even if you didn’t get any big answers here, maybe your questions will sit with Amy and help her see a bit of sense.
Just comes to show how little thought some parents put into their child's safety for the sake of having their emotional/sexual needs met. Some people just aren't meant to be parents.
This hits close to home because my sister is the stupidest person on the planet when it comes to meeting guys and my nephews have met about 10 different guys at this point and it's extremely frustrating.
I'm left taking care of my nephews and I'd go no contact but I'd be isolating my nephews. So this story is extremely frustrating. This lady can barely take care of her 10-year-old and she's having ANOTHER baby...damn.
Is there any way Amy’s bf got her into drugs? This whole thing sounds to me like they are both on drugs. My ex’s son & his wife were heavy drug users who had 2 kids and this is very similar to how they act. No real reasons, just fly by night bs.
The wife loved having the kids around all the time because they made her feel better about herself. She’d always start rehab then come home because she wanted to detox with her kids.
What I’m saying is they were just really weird when it came to them.
Thank you for the update! It sounds like you are doing everything right- keeping your kiddo away from that weirdness while keeping the door open for Abby. Everything to do with this new dude just seems off. Good looking out, mama.
I have a very bad feeling about Abby's situation. If it were me, I'd keep a REALLY close eye/tab on Abby. Her mother put herself into that situation and won't listen to reason. So, she'll have to learn the hard way.
But the daughter can be pulled from it. Besides, the arrangements you had with Abby staying with your daughter as okayed ahead of time. And it shouldn't have changed in an instant because of some potential predator.
Though, the laughing was a bit much, she STILL should've answered your questions concerning her own daughter's safety! 'Do you even CARE for your daughter's safety, or your own personal needs?'
That question may have her look at you for a moment, getting her to think.
Either she'll realize what you mean, or her narcissism will kick in and she'll argue more about her point of view, where she uses her daughter as a shield of a sort. It seems you'd be a better parent than the actual mother!
Hopefully, OP is able to get to the bottom of this for the sake of Abby's safety.