When armed militants set out to occupy a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon but forgot to bring any supplies, their leader's mom emailed supporters asking for donations—and received giant dildos and dozens of bags of sugary dicks instead. For whatever reason, militia spokesperson Jon Ritzheimer forgot media rule #1—pretend everyone supports you—and decided to give this as much news attention as possible by posting a video to Facebook slamming the penises pouring into to their already wiener-saturated camp.
It's sad that there are people who would spend this kind of money on this rather than spending it to do good in the world. I'm done living in fear of an oppressing force. I'm going to uphold my oath to the Constitution and sleep great at night knowing that I did everything in my power to ensure what our founding fathers did for us will not be lost. To my family, I love you very much and I am sorry I can't be there with you. Please look at this as a deployment, only this time I'm actually serving my country rather than being sent over seas to line the pockets of corrupt politicians. It is our sacrifice as a family that will make this country great again, not some election. And we are not alone. I am among some of the most honorable, and selfless people I have ever met. People who are dedicated to making the same sacrifice for this country. Read the constitution people. Get educated and don't let your rights be taken. If your a Patriot and you feel the calling in your heart then all I can say is follow your heart. Don't let the fear consume you. We all have lives but if we don't make the sacrifice what kind of country are we leaving for our children. The status quo can't go on any longer. We either take a stand against tyranny or we fail. Come be a part of history. And I am so proud that our country has become civilized enough that we can bring about change and right this wrong without any bloodshed. America is blessed.Posted by Jon Ritzheimer on Monday, January 11, 2016
Who sent the giant dildo is unclear, but Someecards spoke with Taylor Wilde, founder of ShipABagOfDicks.com, the site behind the outpouring of candied genitals Americans have sent to the armed group. According to Wilde, over 160 bags of gummy dicks have been sent so far from people all over America who want to express their lack of support for the militia.
"Around 5,000 individual dicks pieces have been sent to the militia," Wilde said. "That's 125,000 calories of high fructose corn syrup. Their sugar highs will be high, but their lows will be very low." He's also hopeful the sweet willies can play a constructive role in ending the standoff. "They'll probably crash and need to nap, which at that time I'd expect the local Feds to move in," he speculated, adding,"In the end, bags of dicks may be how this issue finally gets resolved."
The site is designed to send anyone a bag of dicks (or a large, rainbow-striped dick lollipop), but there are explicit instructions on the landing page now on how to mail them to the Oregon militia—and there's also a sale. You can also add glitter to your package, if you're a total sadist. As far as Ritzheimer's bewilderment that anyone would spend good money on a symbolic gesture of protest (remember, the militia didn't even spend money on feeding themselves), Wilde thinks sending dicks is an important act of free speech.
People are spending their own money so they can let the militia know how they feel. It's a way of "voting" in regards to their thoughts on the matter. It's easy to share articles and comment online, but short of flying to Oregon and protesting their protest what's a regular person do? We've gotten tons of emails thanking us, to which we reply, "No problem, it's the American thing to do. Thank YOU."
It's your right as an American to order a bag of gummy dicks and send them to an armed fringe group that doesn't realize the irony in asking for supplies sent through the federal mail system. Or as the founder of ShipABagOfDicks.com puts it, "I think the lesson here is when you ask the Internet for something, be prepared for the consequences."