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Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to keep home she bought with 'stripper money.'

Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to keep home she bought with 'stripper money.'


If you work hard, buy a home and then plan to raise a family in that home, does it matter where the money to buy it came from? Is it fair to judge your partner for they employment history?

So, when a conflicted former stripper decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she's wrong to insist on keeping the apartment she bought, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refusing to sell the place I bought with 'stripper money?'

For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (sh*tty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy.

Before I 'retired,' I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent.

I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf).

A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't.

Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning an apartment and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.

However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat.

I asked him why not - it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with 'stripper money.'

That really pissed me off, and I told him no f*cking way am I selling my home and that he never had an issue with my 'stripper money' paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of.

He said that his point is if I sold the apartment then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said 'wouldn't that still be stripper money?' and he said 'that's different,' and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because 'I can't talk to you when you're in this state.'

He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it 'would never feel like our place' because of this.

I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here. AITA?

Yikes...It sounds like this man needs a severe reality slap...

Instead of being proud of the mother of his future children for being responsible enough to save her money and buy a home, he's unfairly judging her perfectly honorable well-paying former gig? This relationship is cursed.

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to chime in for this one:

NTA (Not the As*hole). He's being irrational. Evidently he's way less okay with the stripper thing than he's been letting on. - AlectoGaia

NTA. This is classic gaslighting behavior. He also wants to co-own with you at only 18 months into the relationship? Helllll no - t2hd0n

NTA. Sell your place and use the money to buy a new place huh? How much would he be pitching in on the new place since he wants to be on the deed so badly? Since he's renting I'm guessing 0. This guy is a loser who just can't handle that you've been more successful at life and wants to use you as a leg up. - grendigo

NTA and big red flag that when he doesn't have a valid argument he calls YOU emotional and unreasonable. I can understand not feeling it's 'his' place. But does he intend to put up half of whatever you move to or he just wants a place he got to pick out together?

If he wants to put in half and buy part of your place it makes it both of yours. Or sell and both put equal amounts into a new place then worth discussing. The stripper money argument it's ugly and also illogical. Very concerning he went there. - progressivelens

Later, she updated the post to include:

I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together).

Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it's all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother

So, there you have it!

Good riddance to this wildly insecure man. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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