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Recovering alcoholic breaks boyfriend's bottle of vodka; refuses to pay for it. AITA?

Recovering alcoholic breaks boyfriend's bottle of vodka; refuses to pay for it. AITA?


Addiction recovery is a complex, life-long process. Being able to stay clean requires structure, support, and ideally, people in your life who can support and bolster you along the way. But for those who don't struggle with addiction, the triggers and mood swings involved in the recovery process can seem confusing, even alien at times.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a recovering alcoholic asked if she was wrong for refusing to pay for her boyfriend's vodka after smashing it.

She wrote:

'AITA for refusing to pay for my boyfriend's vodka after smashing it?​​​​​​'

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend Sean (25M) for about a year and a half. It's been great, but I let him know from the outset that I was a recovering alcoholic. He had no problem with that.

He still drinks with his friends, but won't do that in my presence. It still bothers me that he drinks, but it's his life, I can't tell him what to do. Fast forward to last Sunday, and we're at his apartment.

I come in, and he's in the middle of making pasta sauce, and there's a large bottle of vodka on the counter. I didn't say anything about the bottle, but he saw me staring at it, and he told me it's for the sauce.

Pasta sauce he's made me at least twice a month for the entirety of our relationship. He said he's told me from the beginning he does that, that it cooks away, but I think that would be something I would very much remember.

I got a little angry. I knocked the bottle off the counter and went to my mom's. He's called and apologized for triggering me, and that he was being brainless, but he wants me to pay for the broken bottle, which he says was about an $80 brand.

I told him that I wasn't under any circumstances going to pay for something he's been lacing my food with for years. We haven't really talked since, and my mom wants me to just go ahead and buy the thing to make amends.

I'm still refusing. AITA? I didn't smash the bottle, I pushed it off the counter and it broke. I didn't throw it.

People in the comments didn't hold back.

Ok-Asparagus-4809 wrote:

YTA. Adults use their mouths to communicate. “Hey I’m not comfortable with you cooking with alcohol and having alcohol in my presence at all. I thought you were aware of that and would like to respect my preference.” You went “me no like, me go smash smash.”

Shibaspots wrote:

I love how OP glides right past the fact she destroyed her BF's property too. 'I don't have to replace the thing I broke because you shouldn't have had it around me!'. I'm also in recovery, but who doesn't recognize a vodka sauce?

'Spiking her food for years' is a stretch to me. It gets to a point of willful ignorance. Or 'dipping the pasta in sauce then washing it off, so only the essence of the sauce is left'. 🙄

If I broke the bottle my friends or family was using I'd replace it immediately, or give them funds to do so if I wasn't comfortable getting it myself. All with sincere apologies.

If someone broke the bottle I was using to cook them a meal, I'd demand an immediate replacement. I'd never push it off the counter like a cat and flounce off. YTA OP.

Minute_Point_949 wrote:

YTA. There is no alcohol remaining in the food so he was not 'lacing your food'. Of course, you can ask him not to make that dish in the future if it triggers you. Still, you destroyed someone else's property and you need to make restitution.

LadyCass79 wrote:

YTA. I understand how you feel about it, but breaking the bottle was an inappropriate action. You've obviously not been set back in your recovery by consuming trace amounts of alcohol in cooked food. He really thought this was OK.

He wasn't being malicious. You can set this as a boundary going ahead if you make it through this conflict, but you were out of line to break the bottle.

As a general rule, when loved ones upset us, breaking things, punching walls, or otherwise physically venting temper in destructive ways is not a good thing.

an_ansolo wrote:

YTA BIG TIME. You do realize that there are recipes made with alcohol, and the alcohol goes away when its cooked. Rum cake for example can't get you drunk unless you pour rum AFTER baking it.

Yes, you definitely need to pay for that. I can understand you being alcohol-recovering , but that does not give you the right to break a bottle for a reason like that. That's like you going up to a stranger at a restaurant and breaking their margarita glass cuz you didn't want it in your presence.

Also, that would be the same as you destroying a rum cake, which is a very good cake because of the rum flavor that doesn't come from the alcohol itself. Also, your BF was following the recipe, you literally could have told him that you weren't going to eat that to be safe, and kept it at that.

After getting an ear-full from the internet, OP posted an update.

UPDATE: Alright, I get it. I'm going to get him $80 worth of stuff to make up for it. But I really don't appreciate being called violent or abusive. I've never hit him once, and I think that's a pretty rash assumption.

Unlike many of the more elaborately debated AITA posts, this one ended pretty cut and dry.

Sources: Reddit
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