Sister snaps at teen brother after he tells mom about divorce papers he saw in dad's car.

Divorce is never easy, even when it's the best path for all involved.

This is doubly true when you have kids, and sometimes, the older they are the worse it is.

While teen or adult children might not require the same custody considerations as little kids, the emotional attachment to the nuclear family 'as it was' is even more strongly embedded. This can lead to some intense dynamics.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a young woman asked if she's wrong for telling her teen brother it's his fault their dad distanced himself.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my brother he has nobody to blame but himself for our dad being cold to him?

My (21f) brother (16m) and I's parents are getting divorced, this isn't really a shock to either of us. 6 months ago my brother asked if we could hang out and when we did, he shows me a picture on his phone.

It was divorce papers he'd seen in our dad's car. I told him straight up it wasn't any of our business, made him delete the photo, and made him promise not to tell our parents. That lasted all of two weeks.

He told our mother because he 'couldn't handle keeping the secret' even though the school has counselors to talk to. Lots of drama, my mother ended up being the one to divorce him, and from what I understand got the better deal.

Our father isn't taking this well. He moved into a sh**tier appartment than the one I share, and he's been really depressed lately.

He also started to get really distant with my brother, they've only spoken 2 or 3 times since hell broke loose, and even then it was mostly just school related. I've been cold too, since it's either that or being pissed off at him.

I warned him to stay out of someone else's marriage, and this is why. He called me Christmas day, sobbing that dad wasn't answering his calls, and that he felt like a horrible son.

I was out of empathy for him, so I let loose 'I warned you to mind your own business. I wouldn't talk to you if you ruined my marriage either. You better hope he's the bigger man and forgives you, because I wouldn't'

He hasn't called me since, mom called me and is worried about him, she says he needs his sister. But I really don't care, which is why I'm wondering if I'm being reasonable here.

People had a lot of thoughts about this one.

da-mi-basia-mille wrote:

YTA. He’s a child and his father has basically abandoned him. They were getting divorced anyway. Your brother telling your mother about the divorce papers didn’t precipitate that.

Why are you blaming him for the divorce when it’s entirely your parents’ faults?

_mebeingtired wrote:

Are you really blaming your brother for your parent's divorce? He literally saw the divorce papers. Your parents were gonna divorce anyway. Your dad is depressed because he didn't get a better deal out of the divorce. Your brother is 16!!

How the hell do u expect him to handle the situation? Instead of telling him to 'mind his own business' you should've explained the situation to him OR been an emotional support to him.

YTA. I cannot believe you wrote all that and still thought you're not an a**hole.

Left-Car6520 wrote:

How do you figure your brother ruined their marriage?

One of your parents already had divorce papers drawn up, the other beat him to the punch and it's antagonistic enough that you're talking about who got 'the better deal'. Besides which, you weren't surprised they got divorced.

Sounds like your brother had no real bearing on their divorce so why are you blaming him for it?

Seems like you're taking out your own feelings about a messy situation on your brother. Who is evidently struggling, and hasn't done anything except be honest. YTA.

journeyintopressure wrote:

YTA. Wow. Are you really that angry over your mom 'getting a better deal' on something your father was trying to pull? Your father is depressed and isn't dealing well with something HE WANTED? Look.

Your brother told your mother because he felt he had to. And he was right. You are both punishing him for not letting your mother be blindsided here.

I hope only the best for your brother and that he is able to let go of toxic people who thought he should have let his mother be served divorce papers without even knowing it was coming.

Natural_Garbage7674 wrote:

YTA. Your brother ended up accidentally knowing of a secret your father was hiding from your mother. It doesn't matter how many other people he had to talk to, it would have been eating him up inside.

Sounds like your dad was going to surprise your mom and she got in first. The fact that you can't understand how crappy the situation was for your brother? Shows you lack empathy.

Don't know what your mother did to make you hate her, but your brother hasn't picked sides and your father is behaving like a child. He's ignoring his own son because he blames his child for his own situation.

It's unanimous, OP and her dad are TAs. Hopefully, this is a wake up call for her.