'AITA for not keeping up with my wife’s cleaning demands?' UPDATED
"AITA for not keeping up with my wife’s cleaning demands?"
I had a major fight with my wife a few hours ago and I strongly think I’m in the right but she is so angry I almost feel like I’m the one crazy. I’ll provide context. I married my wife 3 years ago but we have been together 6.
One important thing to note is she’s extremely clean. I regret not moving in together until we married because while I knew she was clean I didn’t know the full extent. Let this be a lesson to live with your partner before marriage.
She is the reason why our house looks like a model home. She hates dishes in the sink while I’m content to let them sit for a couple of days. She spends her off days scrubbing bathrooms because in her mind they should be cleaned weekly.
She doesn’t let me bring my shoes inside and insists I shower immediately when I get home before laying in bed. There are a million more things but hopefully, you have an idea. This didn’t start hurting our marriage until we had kids.
We have a 2-year-old and a 1-year-old. I’m a SAHD. I left work when our youngest was born and that is when our disagreement on how clean the home needs to be started to get bad.
She expects me to do most of the chores now when it used to be primarily her and I wouldn’t mind if they were reasonable. She wants the children to have a bath every day and I think every 1-3 days is fine.
She wants all of their toys put away by the end of the day and I think there is no point when it will be a mess again. She wants the dishes done daily. She wants all house bedding washed weekly. She wants me to vacuum weekly.
She wants me to mop every 3-4 days since in her logic the kids spend a lot of time playing on the floor. They will not be hurt or sick if I mop every 2 weeks.
Because I don’t play along with most of her demands she ends up being the one to do most of the housework when she gets home on her rare off days. She works 40-80 hours/week so it is a lot but she does it to herself. I feel I do what is reasonable.
This all built up to today. She got home and saw I hadn’t yet washed the dishes and there was still grease/food in some of the pans and on the countertop. Also, I hadn’t yet brought in the trash cans from the previous two days when they were emptied.
She flew off the handle calling me lazy and a slob. She said she would like for me to return to work since in her eyes I’m doing a poor job and use the money to hire a weekly housekeeper and a nanny who “wouldn’t leave the kids in pjs all day.”
I got pissed and told her she is crazy and she works herself up over small things and I will not be leaving my kids with a stranger. She packed a bag for herself and our babies and to her mom’s house. I’m furious. Am I the a**hole?
The internet did not hold back.
Suspicious-Hat6285 wrote:
You're a stay-at-home father all of the stuff you listed that she wants is normal things an adult does. Your standards are too low. YTA. Bathe your f*&%ing kids.
Just_Me1973 wrote:
YTA. Her cleaning habits are fairly average. You’re just a slob.
FlyingWithAliens wrote:
Your standards are too low. I am someone who genuinely has always struggled with keeping my environment clean. Dishes should be done every day. The house should be vacuumed like every other day not even weekly. Mopping every few days is normal.
Washing yourself before getting into bed is my preference as well. Washing sheets weekly is standard. Picking up all the toys and putting them completely away at night is incredibly good for your mental health.
Kids are definitely washed every day. Soap is every other day. The PJ thing tho? There’s definitely one day a week on the weekends where we’re all in PJs all day. Are you doing this EVERY day?
Based on your standards I am actually wondering if maybe you’re depressed or have ADHD? I have ADHD and I know that doing the BARE MINIMUM isn’t easy. Maybe talk to someone and see if you can work through this. ETA: YTA.
Ruamann wrote:
Chum, I am an absolute slob, but for a house with kids in it, that schedule is totally reasonable. I shudder to think what the house and children would be like if she wasn't around. YTA.
After getting thoroughly judged, OP jumped on with a quick update.
Edit: So I’m the a**#ole. The common belief is I need to help more around the house. I’ll see what I can do and apologize to my wife. Thanks.