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SAHM asks if she was wrong to 'micromanage' nanny until she quit.

SAHM asks if she was wrong to 'micromanage' nanny until she quit.


Hiring strangers to watch your children can be a scary, exhausting and expensive task, but there's a fine line between being protective of your family and being a micromanaging nightmare of a boss...

So, when a frustrated mom decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her nanny, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

'AITA (Am I the As*hole) for micromanaging & making our nanny quit?'

We have a 2yo & a newborn. I am a stay-at-home mom and this is my first time having a nanny. I do not want to leave my kids with strangers, but I just decided I would bring her along on errands to calm my mind. After my C- section I felt better than the first time around and was mobile.

My needs changed and I needed more help like cleaning and running errands. I called and asked if she would be okay with it. She did mention in her interview she has no problem cleaning up after my daughter, but is not a housekeeper. Depending on the scope of work, she would be raising her hourly price. I asked her to just try for a week and see how she felt and she agreed.

Sometimes the kitchen was a bit messy and I would if see she would take initiative and clean it, but no. She only cleaned after my daughter. I asked again if she would mind doing extra housework so I could be with my daughter more and she mentioned pay again. So I dropped it. I just wanted someone to help out with the house so I could be the one to put my daughter down, give her food etc.

She called me 3 weeks in and let me know she thought I was micromanaging. I told her I would step back, but I wasn’t happy she wasn’t benefiting my daughter educationally and we went with her because we thought she was worth it.

I even suggested creating a time table of home activities since I wasn’t comfortable with her going out alone with her so they could have a set schedule everyday.

There was also incidents where she was on her phone around my daughter and I let her know that was unacceptable and she took accountability. I also wanted to add she wasn’t flexible and often couldn’t stay late when I asked due to other nanny gigs.

After about a month, I was observing her clean up blueberries my daughter had thrown while she was eating. She swept everything except this one small piece of the smushed blueberry. I watched as she left it under the island, threw away the swiffer pad and went to the bathroom. I was MAD and I didn’t want to say anything for fear of her saying I’m micromanaging but I couldn’t hold back.

I thought maybe she would come clean it up after she got out. I sent my daughter to go play and waited for her. I asked if she was finished cleaning and she said yes. I showed her the blueberry piece she had left and she said she thought swept all the blueberries and didn’t see that.

I didn’t believe that because I was sitting right there watching her and I saw her put it there and leave it. I told her that she had already made it clear that she wasn’t comfortable doing extra housework at her pay, but if she couldn’t even keep my daughter's area clean this wouldn’t work.

After a little back and forth she said she is not comfortable and will be resigning. I told her I agree she should leave and she said goodbye and left. I paid her for the full days out of the week she worked + 3 hours.

Another issue I had was nearing the end of her employment things were constantly popping up. She became unreliable and called out at least twice or would leave before my daughters nap. And for clarification I never wanted her to clean the house.

My main need was cleaning the kitchen and maybe informal living room. So AITA? I don’t think me up-keeping the standards I set for my own house are micromanaging and I think I’m within my right to want things a certain way.

This mom sounds like an absolute demon-fueled nightmare to work for and it's almost hilarious that she thought she didn't do anything wrong here...

It's shocking that this nanny was able to last as long as she did considering the way she was treated. Expecting her to be a nanny and a housekeeper without extra pay? Having a salty employer stare you down as your mop up some stray blueberries? This mom needs a hobby ASAP. And we haven't even begun to unpack her expecting the nanny to stay late whenever she wanted her to.

Of course, people were eager to chime in on this stay-at-home mom versus nanny war. Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

Yta (You're the As*hole), and seriously so. You don't trust your nanny, want her to clean despite her repeatedly telling you that you'll need to pay her for that, apparently watch everything she's doing and nitpick it the moment she's done, create passive aggressive 'trap' situations, never explain them and get mad when she doesn't read your mind.

The constant watching in particular would drive me up a tree. You sound like an awful person to work for. - Doctor-Liz

YTA. If you want a housekeeper, hire a housekeeper. - columbospeugeot

You can hire a nanny and then you have time to do the cleaning. Or you can hire a housekeeper and then focus your energies on doing all the childcare. Or you could hire both and take some time just to rest.

But you can’t just demand that the nanny does the job of a housekeeper without being paid extra to do two jobs and then sit on your *ss watching her every move! YTA (You're the As*hole)- Secret_Dragonfly9588

Oh YTA big time. I wouldn’t work for you. If your not comfortable with a nanny dont hire one. If you want a housekeeper hire one. - Dear_Pay7221

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this mom is completely, 100% in the wrong and this nanny was right to defend herself and run out of this gig forever. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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