It's happening. The President of the United States (Donald Trump, for those who have successfully blocked it out) is being sued by Stormy Daniels, an adult film star with whom he allegedly had an affair.
Stormy is saying it happened, and that the "hush agreement" is invalid because he never signed it.
Here are the wildest details from the official court document.
1. Trump's alias on the hush agreement was "David Dennison," and Stormy/Stephanie Clifford's was "Peggy Peterson."
2. A Delaware limited liability company was formed on October 17th, 2016—ten days after the Access Hollywood tape dropped—through which Trump's team funneled the money to Stormy.
3. The lawsuit includes the "factual background" of Stormy and Trump's relationship.
Ms. Clifford began an intimate relationship with Mr. Trump in the Summer of 2006 in Lake Tahoe and continued her relationship with Mr. Trump well into the year 2007. This relationship included, among other things, at least one "meeting" with Mr. Trump in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel located within Los Angeles County.
4. The Trump campaign found out that Stormy was going to share her story in the wake of the Access Hollywood tape, and his team sought to silence her.
After discovering Ms. Clifford's plans, Mr Trump, with the assistance of his attorney [Michael Cohen], aggressively sought to silence Ms. Clifford as part of an effort to avoid her telling the truth, thus helping ensure he won the Presidential Election. Mr. Cohen subsequently prepared a draft non-disclosure agreement and presented it to Ms. Clifford and her attorney (the "Hush Agreement").
5. The "Hush Agreement imposed various conditions not only on Ms. Clifford, but also on Mr. Trump."
The agreement...required the signature of all parties to the agreement, including that of Mr. Trump. Moreover, as is customary, it was widely understood at all times that unless all of the parties signed the documents as required, the Hush Agreement, together with all of its terms and conditions, was null and void.
6. Trump didn't sign it, "thus rendering it legally null and void and of no consequences."
7. The lawsuit alleges that Trump purposely didn't sign the agreement "so he could later, if need be, publicly disavow any knowledge of the Hush Agreement and Ms. Clifford."
8. Cohen sent Ms. Clifford/Stormy the money, "even though there was no legal agreement and thus no written nondisclosure agreement whereby Ms. Clifford was restricted from disclosing the truth about Mr. Trump."
9. This past January, after the media published reports about the affair, Cohen got back in touch with Stormy, and allegedly forced her to sign a false statement.
...in January 2017, concerned the truth would be disclosed, Mr. Cohen, through intimidation and coercive tactics, forced Ms. Clifford into signing a false statement wherein she stated that repots of her relationship with Mr. Trump were false.
10. The lawsuit argues that because the hush agreement is "null and void" without Trump's signature, Stormy is under no obligation to keep quiet.
And if any obligations did exist, "they were breached and/or excused by Mr. Cohen and his public statements to the media."
11. As recently as February 27th, 2018, Cohen's attempt to "shut [Stormy] up continue unabated."
Cohen "surreptitiously initiated a bogus arbitration proceeding against Ms. Clifford in Los Angeles. Remarkably, he did so without even providing Ms. Clifford with notice of the proceeding and basic due process."
12. While Trump's involvement in Cohen's silencing activities are unknown, the lawsuit assumes that there is no way that he is completely acting on his own.
13. The initial hush agreement suggests that Trump probably sent Stormy dick pics.
Prior to entering this Agreement, PP [Stormy] came into possession of certain "Confidential Information" pertaining to DD [Trump]...some of which is in tangible form, which includes, but is not limited to information, certain still images and/or text messages which were authored by or relate to DD.
I'm not a lawyer, but this sounds like legalese for "dick pics."
14. Stormy was demanded to hand over all "tangible Property" she has related to Trump.
According to the agreement, that means "any and all artistic media, impressions, paintings, video images, still images, e-mail messages, text messages, Instagram message, facebook posting or any other type of creation by DD. PP shall transfer all physical, ownership and intellectual property rights to DD."
15. The agreement also refers to the existence of text messages between Trump and Stormy.
16. Trump demanded that Stormy not turn any of his texts or pics into art.
17. Stormy was not only banned from talking about Trump, but also "his children or any alleged children or any of his alleged sexual partners, alleged sexual actions or alleged sexual conduct or related matters."
18. The penalty for breaking the agreement is hardcore.
If Stormy blabbed, she'd need to hand over to Trump ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
The consequence of this lawsuit isn't just the juicy factoid that the president had an affair: it's that he conspired to cover it up during the campaign and well into his presidency, which, according to Congressman Ted Lieu, violates campaign finance laws.
As ThinkProgress's Judd Legum notes, "The lawsuit effectively puts Trump in an impossible position: He either has to argue that his agreement to pay hush money to an adult film star is a legally enforceable contract or say there is no contract and she is free to talk about whatever she wants."