Teen raised by sister says she treats her own child better; her brothers disagree.

Older siblings who grew up in neglectful or abusive homes are often saddled with parenting duties long before they're ready.

Even if they're of legal age to care for siblings, the weight of filling in for an absent parent is heavy and hard to bear.

Sadly, this heavy weight extends multiple directions, as the younger siblings deal with the absence of their parent and the stand-in presence of a deeply stressed parentified sibling.

It can feel bittersweet to witness that sibling treat their own child differently later on, even if you understand why.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she's wrong for calling out her sister for treating her kid better than her.

She wrote:

AITA for calling my sister for treating her child better than me?

My sister took my brothers and I in when we were just (4f 5m 6m) and she was only 19 at the time.

She did sacrifice a lot for us, including her boyfriend she's been with since she was 12 who broke up with her when he found out that she'd be applying for custody of us because he wasn't ready to take on such a responsibility.

My sister at one point in time was working 3 jobs to even be able to provide for us, I never went without food or clothes, or even toys.

But the one thing I went without was growing up in a nurturing environment, my sister was always stressed and irritable, I also felt like she had resentment towards us at times for having to be stuck with us rather than pursuing her dreams.

Like for example if we did something as small as spilling a glass of milk or breaking something she'd have an overreaction yell and lecture us about how hard she works to get it and how we need to stop being so careless.

My sister is now doing much better in life and no longer has to work and is happily married. She has a 2-year-old and is pregnant with her second, I see how she treats them and I can tell she loves them very much.

I even watched her toddler spill a glass of milk and she was so calm and loving about it, she even jumped on this new gentle parenting trend.

She wasn't like that with me so I called her out on it in front of my brothers and her husband I told her that it's unfair that I didn't get the gentle side of her rather I got the harsh and cold side of her when I (17) was just a child.

She was shocked to hear me say that and started crying saying she did her best with what she had.

My brothers surprisingly stood up for her and told me that if she that bad then why am I still living with her and that she was amazing caretaker and took us when our own mother abandoned us so how could I be so selfish and accuse her of any less.

It got really contentious so my sister ended up excusing herself to her room but in the end my brother whom I'm really close too are angry with me. So now I'm here wondering if I was wrong for calling my sister out.

People had a lot to say.

Baileythenerd wrote:

YTA- Your sister. Dropped her whole life at 19 to take care of THREE kids? I understand being upset at having a less-than-perfect childhood, but childhood doesn't magically stop at 18.

She was still a kid when she was taking care of you three. No shit she was stressed and having major difficulty!

And now you're looking at her, finally able to be an adult without the frantic panic and you resent her for now having the support to take care of her children the way she wants too? OP, respectfully- you suck.

knit_stitch_ride wrote:

Sister was such a child that op is close enough to her sister's age that she should understand. How much do you do OP? You think school is hard?

Try working 40 (let's face it, at 19 with three kids, she probably worked a lot more) hours and then coming home to care for three kids, where you have to clean up after them, you can never ever go out, no money, no time.

And every drop of spilt milk or broken glass is another 5, 10, 30 minutes that you are going to have to work to replace it, all while you are barely taking care of your own health and go to bed hungry.

Your sister probably went to sleep those years dreaming of the life like yours that was taken from her. If that all dropped on your lap tomorrow op, you'd be perfect at it though, right?

ChiefTuk wrote:

Your stressed-out, overworked, teenage sister wasn't the nurturing parent she's become as an adult, so you want her to treat her kids the same way?

Christ, YTA. You should be apologizing, thanking her for giving up so much for you & praising her for somehow becoming a wonderful mother.

inspectorfailure wrote:

Hate to break it to you OP, but you're not gonna magically become a responsible adult ready to take care of 3 kids in those 2 years.

Her whole life went on hold, she had as many jobs as she had kids to take care of at one point, having one kid at 19 can be overwhelming. She took in 3.

There's no way she was prepared for that, and while it might seem unfair how well she treats her kid, she's had more than 10 years of experience, and now actually has someone to help her.

As much as you think it sucks that she was always stressed and wasn't as nice with you growing up, she also wasn't nearly as prepared at 19 as she is now with her child.

Sucks that you didn't have a great childhood, but it also sucks that she put her life on hold to keep you three together and in the family. YTA, no question here, your brothers were right to stick up for her OP.

mubi_merc wrote:

YTA. Let's recap: at 19, your sister took sole custodianship of her 3 siblings, a task that very few 19 year-olds would even be capable of, let alone willing to do.

She basically killed herself making sure you all got by and apparently did well enough that you are all still around and that she was able to finally start focusing on herself and starting her own family after giving up all of her 20s.

And you're calling her out for not being perfect at a huge responsibility that she never should have had to take on in the first place?

I hope this is fake because I'm absolutely disgusted by it. The only excuse here is that you're still too young to fully understand the weight of this kind of responsibility.

But think about it this way, in 2 years, would you be ready to fully care for 3 young children and provide for them while not being stressed out? If not, then go apologize.

Clearly, the internet does not side with OP on this,m and her sister deserves a lifetime of rest.