Dog lovers get ready to stress out, this story is almost as much of an emotional journey as "A Dog's Purpose."
While we usually hear about engagements breaking off because of cold feet, cheating, evil mother-in-laws or bridezilla/groomzilla nightmares terrorizing the plans, this situation is definitely different. When a Reddit user and obvious dog enthusiast, "mydogisgod0" posted on AITA (Am I The Asshole), the internet was incredibly conflicted.
Me (28M) and fiancee (27F) have been together for 4 years, engaged for 6 months. I also have a 7 year-old lab mix who is the greatest dog in existence.
On Saturday, fiancee had a bachelorette party at home. I stayed with my parents but I left the dog with her because she likes having him there. However, I made sure to tell her to put the dog in our bedroom once the party gets going.
5am on Sunday I get a frantic call that something's wrong with the dog. She was drunk, so I told her to get a taxi and go to the emergency vet clinic. When I got there, she looked like she hadn't stopped crying for hours and she couldn't even speak. Two of her friends were there so they told me my dog is alive but not well. I felt sorry for her for an entire 10 minutes while waiting for the doctor.
But then, the doctor told me my dog ingested large amounts of alcohol and chocolate edibles. The girls apparently thought it would be cool to leave everything out on short coffee tables, leave the dog to wander around instead of putting him in our bedroom, and then get wasted and not notice he was going to town with the booze and edibles.
When we got home, I told my fiancee to pack and get out of my house and my life. I told her to tell her guests the wedding is off, and I'll tell mine. She was shocked, but she took her things and left.
2 hours later, I get bombarded by messages on Messenger, Whatsapp, by her sisters, brother, brother's wife, her mom, her friends, telling me that I am insane to do this to her after 4 years. They started off defending her, but it quickly turned into insulting me.
The logical thing for me to do was look for comfort in my friends and family. Nope. They all fucking agree. My mom said: "Well, it was a mistake, she didn't do it on purpose, besides - the dog didn't die!" Lucky me, eh? My dog didn't fucking die!
My sister was appalled that I canceled the wedding "over that?!" and even my best man said I might have overreacted. Yes, our relationship has had ups and downs, but it's mostly worked fine. But I am so disgusted at my fiancee that I can't even imagine looking her in the eye, let alone spending my whole life with her. She isn't fucking 17, she is 27!
By the way, this is not the first dumb thing she has done. She likes to text while driving, she always leaves stuff on the electric stove (like kitchen towels, the cutting board etc.) even though she has turned on the wrong burner and burnt whatever was on it several times in the past, and similar DANGEROUS things. It's not something I hold against her in the sense that I would ever mention in a fight, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried that she might end up killing herself or someone else. For example, my dog.
I'm 99% sure I will stand by my decision. But am I really an asshole? Literally nobody is on my side and I have no idea what to think.
If this had been a totally isolated incident and an obvious accident, it seems that his impulse to call off the wedding might be a little ridiculous. However, some people noticed that it sounds like he might be using the dog as a reason to justify leaving his fiancé for her overall irresponsibility. By making it about the dog, he was able to solidify a decision he had already been thinking about. That being said, if anyone hurts a dog on purpose you definitely shouldn't marry them...
She clearly doesn’t mean that much to you, so yeah, leave over this.
I have a cat whom I adore beyond reason and if my current BF accidentally hurt him, I’d be pissed and upset but your dog isn’t dead. If he’s more important than your woman, that relationship is doomed. I’ve been in a relationship where I would have chosen my cat over them. That is not a good relationship.
"Broski225," was on his side, writing:
Eh, I'm going to say it's not that hard to watch a dog partying at all or to keep even an annoying dog put away. I have two huge, annoying, friendly dogs that love my friends, food, and booze. When we get too trashed to babysit them we let them go potty and then lock them up with some new toys and enjoy the night.
Even then, we've had dogs out while wasted and never had one get into anything worse than a bowl of popcorn because we've all had dogs before, know they get into shit and watch them.
I could understand if she let the dog eat a single edible accidentally or he drank some small amount of alcohol before people noticed, but the dog got pretty damn wasted. Everyone had to be completely ignoring him or more likely encouraging it, and if it's the latter then that's fucked up. I've never been so drunk or high I fed chocolate edibles to ANY animal.
NTA. It was an incredibly stupid move and I don't think I would be able to date someone that irresponsible either. I agree there's probably more to it or she doesn't mean that much to him, but it's incredibly important to me that my animals are safe and I would leave someone over something this irresponsible too.
It also would be a lot easier to leave, imo, if all her friends and relatives immediately insulted you.
Besides if she's this negligent partying there could be a lot worse that ends up happening. I've been able to leave my wife and her friends alone to party without the world burning; I can't imagine the stress of basically having a toddler that can make legal decisions alone with alcohol. I wouldn't want to marry into that either.
"Partassipant," brought up a good point about future children:
I loathe comparing kids to animals, but in this case there is a parallel. OP has to go to work and the ex has friends over, but instead of putting the toddler in the crib to sleep for the night, she lets the child roam around and the same thing happens. Or leaves the baby laying on the bed while taking a shower and the baby rolls off. There's always going to be times you won't be there and you have to be able to trust your partner to appropriately care for any pets or kids you have. If it's poor judgment to trust your partner then the problem is the partner anyway.
And nothing wrong with being confined to one room or even a crate.
"ExEssentialCryIceIs" was on her side:
They've been together for more than four years. OP wasn't ignorant as to how his fiance behaved, yet he still proposed and planned a wedding.
It is completely understandable that he is upset, I'd be furious too, but essentially canceling your relationship and future over what was a mistake, even a grossly irresponsible one, speaks to something else.
This is not about the dog, this about OP's cold feet. He's looking for a way out that doesn't make him "the bad guy". He's attempting to use this incident and finding that it's falling short of being a good enough excuse, because it isn't.
He should definitely end things with his finance because he obviously doesn't want to stay with her. However, he should take ownership of that instead of trying to make her feel like it's her fault. That's just a spineless, asshole move.
"FuckYouWithAloha," might be right:
I read it as OP has a laundry list of complaints and the dog was the straw that broke the camels back. He said he would never bring it up in a fight, but he’s doing exactly that now.
I think OP was subconsciously looking for an out and found one. Just no one else in his social circle seems to agree with his decision. Fuck their feelings, it would be his miserable marriage he’s getting into if he’s this unhappy before the dog incident.
What do you think?