I know I want to die masturbating. And, statistically, given how much I do it, I'd say that's a pretty good bet. But what about the guy from that viral image of a preserved body from Pompeii? Was he having himself a little farewell fap as Mt. Vesuvius turned Pompeii's floor into literal lava in 79 CE?

From the Tweet, which has been retweeted 60,000 times now, it sure looks like a guy whose wife just walked in on him with 7 Pornhub windows open on his laptop. And of course, people have jokes...


But the truth about the photo, like everything else good in life, is that he probably didn't "die hard."

Archaeologists still debate about how Mt. Vesuvius killed the citizens of Pompeii, but both of the leading theories make it unlikely a man would be preserved in the act of spanking the monkey. In the first theory, the victims asphyxiated on the gases from the volcano. In the second, they were killed by thermal shock, where their organs were essentially cooked by deep, fourth-degree burns. Not exactly prime jacking-off time in either case

“There is no way to demonstrate any ‘masturbating man,’ and it is out of place to discuss such an affirmation (I hope a joke, however bad) of some young time waster,” Dr. Paolo Petrone, a Volcanologist Pier Paolo Vesuvius victims for 25 years, told the Daily Dot.


“The individual in the photo is an adult man, killed by the hot pyroclastic surge (hot gas and ash cloud which killed most of the population living around Mount Vesuvius), with both arms and legs flexed due to the heat.”

Petrone further explained “most of the human victims found in Pompeii often show ‘strange’ position of arms and legs, due to the contraction of limbs as a consequence of the heat effect on their bodies after death occurred.”

So, TL;DR, apparently masturbating in 500 degree plus temperatures is impossible.

Science always ruins everything.

Sources: Daily Dot