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Wife threatens to lock fridge to keep husband from wasting food while high.

Wife threatens to lock fridge to keep husband from wasting food while high.

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We all know that living with family and roommates is tough, and the cohabitation struggle of marriage is no exception.

Being married means learning when to pick your battles in order to keep the peace and love flowing.

Sometimes, you need an outside perspective in order to gauge who needs to back off in an ongoing marital dispute.

In a popular post on the AITA, a woman asked if she's wrong for snapping at her husband over wasted food.

She wrote:

AITA for causing a scene over wasted food and laziness?

My husband has ADHD. Refuses medications. His body, his choice. That's not the issue. I'm sure this behavior has something to do with ADHD and pot smoking but can't say for certain. He's 29, I'm 30(f).

He has a habit of staying up until 3AM smoking and eating whatever he can get his hands on. Again, not an issue. I don't care what he eats or doesn't eat. I also don't care that he smokes. It does help him (anxiety).

My issue is that he will take leftovers out of the fridge to pick at throughout the night and then leave it on the counter overnight.

He also leaves his dirty dishes all throughout our bedroom (which has our office space and computers) so I wake up to several dirty dishes all over our desks. Mainly mine because he will set it there also it's not in his way.

So now only is he wasting all the food damn near every night but he's also creating a pig sty and he will generally leave the dishes there for 2-3 days before he remembers to bring them to the sink to be washed.

I've started refusing with every ounce of my being to clean up after him. I've talked to him about it several times and he merely says he forgets to put things away. Doesn't matter what it is. Leftovers, bread, sandwich meat, condiments, milk, etc.

When I'm awake I make sure to go to the kitchen after him and put it away because I don't want spoiled food but I'm usually not awake when he does it and he doesn't even make an attempt to remember to put things away.

Same thing for when he makes dinner. Uses every single pan to make something simple (like spaghetti) and then never puts away anything that he uses, including the dishes. Just leaves them wherever they are.

And again, I've talked to him and he says he forgets. So last night he took out the leftover Alfredo and left it right on the stove. I intended to take some with me for lunch but obviously couldn't since he left it out all night.

I was f**king pissed because I didn't have time to make myself lunch for work at this point and can't be spending extra money on something on the way because we are financially f**ked right now.

Fraudulent charges to our bank account that we are fighting to get back.

So I did wake him up and was pissy about it and basically said that if he was going to be lazy and waste food because he refuses to put anything away after he's done with it and burden me constantly than I would be putting a lock on the fridge.

He gets heated and says that he can't believe how ridiculous I am being over something that he 'tries to control but can't' and for not being more empathetic to his ADHD or giving him reminders. AITA?

People were quick to offer their thoughts.

Straight-Singer-2912 wrote:

Your husband does not clean up.

Your husband stays up until 3am smoking pot.

Your husband wastes food

Your husband leaves food out on the counter so it spoils

Your husband does not appear to be helpful with your 'f*ked financials'

Why are you with him?

This is like every AITA 'My husband/wife/BF/GF is a great person in every way EXCEPT....' and that 'except' is the largest red flag you've ever seen, and is possibly visible from space.

Laiko_Kairen wrote:

He is self medicating his ADHD with pot. This is common. He is showing standard ADHD behaviors. His refusal to treat his legitimate condition is effecting you.

'His body his choice' sounds nice, but it's effecting affecting you. I have depression and when I'm not on meds, I can be a nightmare which wouldn't be fair to my partner.

He's not really being fair to you by not addressing his own mental health issues.

lavinderwinter wrote:

Oh my god this isn’t ADHD. This is just a**holery (on his part.)

I have ADHD and I don’t do this lol. And if I did accidentally leave things out overnight (or anything equivalent that stressed my partner out to this extent) I’d be apologizing, not justifying.

And I sure as hell wouldn’t be telling him it was his problem for not “reminding me.” Your husband is a grown man and this isn’t acceptable. More importantly, it’s within his power to change, and it is NOT up to you to remind him or be more “empathetic.”

Big ol NTA. Take care of yourself, cuz he sure isn’t.

Edit to clarify: “mess blindness” can definitely be an ADHD thing. I have it too.

OPs partner isn’t an AH for struggling with cleanliness; he’s an AH for ignoring the very real distress he’s causing her, and not making an attempt to manage his own condition and fix his behavior.

It seems clear that OP's husband needs to take responsibility for his actions, if he wants to keep this marriage healthy (or keep it at all).

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