News

<p> </p><h2>Discussing money in romantic relationships can be pretty challenging sometimes.</h2><p>If you loan your significant other money, the best mentality is probably to just assume you won&#39;t get it back. That way, if you get it back it&#39;s a nice surprise and if you don&#39;t, you&#39;re not going to be disappointed or resentful. Unless, of course, it&#39;s a massive amount of money and then maybe you should get a lawyer involved. Treating people you love to dinners, vacations or other gifts is a nice gesture and keeping tabs on every penny isn&#39;t always healthy for every relationship.</p><p>That being said, if you do make an agreement with your partner to lend money and get it back, is it ever a good idea to forgive that loan as a birthday gift? This is the exact problem that a woman on <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e82psw/aita_for_wiping_my_girlfriends_debt_away_as_a/">Reddit&#39;s (Am I the As*hole) </a>found herself in. Probably should&#39;ve sprung for the Airpods...</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>AITA for wiping my girlfriends debt away as a birthday present?</h2><blockquote> <p>Hi,</p> <p>Wondering if I&#39;m in the wrong here. I thought I was being generous. My girlfriend has owed me some $ for a while - about $400 for a flight and car repair I paid for for her. I did so under the pretenses that it was a loan, not a gift, and that I expected to be paid back. We&#39;re pretty fair and usually rotate paying for dinner/etc unless it&#39;s a special occasion (birthday, holiday, etc) in which case I pay in full. It&#39;s important to note that we&#39;ve been dating for about 10 months, and we&#39;re not at the point in our relationship where we share finances. I&#39;m not exactly broke but I&#39;m not rich either. I asked her, nicely, about two months ago whether she was going to be able to pay me back and she was adamant that she would. I mentioned it again about a month ago and she told me not to worry and that she would pay me back.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>For her birthday, she mentioned that she wanted the new Airpods Pro - I didn&#39;t once ever make her believe that I was getting them for her, it was just something she had mentioned a few times in passing. Her birthday rolls around, and I took her out to a nice fancy dinner and got her flowers and a card. As her &quot;gift&quot;, I decided to wipe her debt away. It was starting to drive a wedge between us and I didn&#39;t want it to be hanging over the both of us going forward, as I intend to be with her for a while. She was <em>pissed</em> about this, and told me that it isn&#39;t a gift and I&#39;m an asshole for even considering it. Am I in the wrong here? I genuinely thought I was doing something nice, and $400 is much more than I would have spent on a gift. Let me know if I&#39;m wrong.</p> <p>Thanks,</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p><strong>Edit: </strong>lots of people messaging me saying I&rsquo;m a terrible boyfriend and that a man should support a woman financially. First of all, no. Second of all, I&rsquo;m a woman and we are lesbians. I should&rsquo;ve been more explicit about that but I didn&rsquo;t think it was material to the situation.</p> </blockquote><p>Forgiving debt is definitely a nice gesture--it seems to me like her girlfriend is being a little ungrateful. Plus, a nice dinner, flowers and a card <em>is </em>already a gift. At least it&#39;s better than a <a href="https://www.someecards.com/news/news/20-funny-responses-pelotons-christmas-commercial-thin-woman-losing-weight/">Peloton bike</a>...</p><p>Naturally, the internet weighed in...</p><h2>&quot;beargrowlz&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>Mmm, NAH. Maybe a soft YTA (You&#39;re the As*hole), but you didn&#39;t mean to be. I think if I were in your girlfriend&#39;s position I would have preferred a conversation ahead of time: &quot;hey gf, I was thinking that as a birthday gift I&#39;d wipe the 400 you owe me, and we can go out for a nice dinner to celebrate. What do you think?&quot;</p> <p>Some people like practical gifts and some people like emotional gifts. Some people would see that as a great gift, and some people would see it as a punishment for being in debt. People&#39;s relationships with money are weird and unpredictable, and in my opinion you shouldn&#39;t try to surprise somebody when it comes to significant financial matters.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>&quot;Rahvithecolorful&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>She asked for the new AirPods, though. She wanted an expensive and specific gift. She clearly values monetary and practical value in gifts. If she hadn&#39;t said anything about Airpods, I&#39;d completely agree with you.<br /> That said, some people still think that gifts have to be actual physical gifts no matter what, so it&#39;s still a point. Not the best thing to surprise someone with unless you know them really well.</p> </blockquote><h2>&quot;bologna_homie&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>some life advice... in the future never consider giving money to friends or family as a loan. Think of it as a gift and something you will never get back.</p> </blockquote><h2>&quot;Rhynegains&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>Look, she&#39;s greedy and shady, yes. But not really an asshole here. You two didn&#39;t set up a payment plan or anything - so she saw no deadline for paying you back. While not great, that&#39;s just how some people think.</p> <p>Birthdays are times for thoughtfulness and gifts. <em>Not Airpods or anything like that</em>. The flowers were nice and so was the card... but you didn&#39;t actually give her anything she could keep long. Like even a nice stuffed animal or something. I&#39;m not saying anything expensive, just something that isn&#39;t going to be a burden in a few days.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Clearing the debt wasn&#39;t really a gift, just something bothering <em>you</em> that you decided to get rid of. You pulled up that sore spot <em>during her birthday</em>. Not a good idea.</p> <p>When you loan someone money, you need to set an actual repayment schedule with them. You didn&#39;t. Then made her birthday about the debt. It wasn&#39;t nice, just brought up a sore spot in the day she&#39;s supposed to feel good.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Her reaction is a red flag and wanting Airpods is a big no. But those aren&#39;t really her being TA just her being someone I wouldn&#39;t have any interest in dating.</p> <p>In the future - don&#39;t make someone&#39;s special event about what they owed you. Not a good play. Tackle that subject outside of events and special occasions.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>&quot;ShelfLifeinc&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>A birthday is not a time for doing &quot;practical gifts&quot; unless the birthday person SPECIFICALLY requests it. A birthday is not a time to clear someone&#39;s debt, replace their tyres, clean their gutters, or buy extra disc space for their computer (ahem, ahem, my future husband).</p> <p>If you didn&#39;t want to buy her a present outside of taking her out for a fancy dinner and getting her flowers, fine. But these are things to make her valued and cared for. Clearing her debt isn&#39;t a present, it&#39;s a show-off: &quot;I cleared your debt to me to show you what a good person <strong>I</strong> am, because <strong>you</strong> haven&#39;t paid me back the money you owe me.&quot;</p> <p>If this debt was driving a wedge between the two of you, the time for addressing it was not on her birthday.</p> </blockquote><h2>&quot;LawGrad001&quot; wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>Dinner, flowers, and a card sounds nice to me without even the debt part.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>So, there you have it! The moral compass of the wonderful world of Reddit has concluded that this woman is kind of an as*hole. Scratching off something that&#39;s bothering you on your own checklist isn&#39;t exactly a birthday gift to someone else.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if she was wrong to forgive debt as a birthday gift.

 Discussing money in romantic relationships can be pretty challenging sometimes.If you loan your significant other money, the best mentality is probably to just assume you won&#39;t get it back. That way, if you get it back it&#39;s a nice surprise and if you don&#39;t, you&#39;re not going to be disappointed or resentful. Unless, of course, it&#39;s a massive amount of money and then maybe you should get a lawyer involved. Treating people you love to dinners, vacations or other gifts is a nice gesture and keeping tabs on every penny isn&#39;t always healthy for every relationship.That being said, if you do make an agreement with your partner to lend money and get it back, is it ever a good idea to forgive that loan as a birthday gift? This is the exact problem that a woman on Reddit&#39;s (Am I the As*hole) found herself in. Probably should&#39;ve sprung for the Airpods...AITA for wiping my girlfriends debt away as a birthday present? Hi, Wondering if I&#39;m in the wrong here. I thought I was being generous. My girlfriend has owed me some $ for a while - about $400 for a flight and car repair I paid for for her. I did so under the pretenses that it was a loan, not a gift, and that I expected to be paid back. We&#39;re pretty fair and usually rotate paying for dinner/etc unless it&#39;s a special occasion (birthday, holiday, etc) in which case I pay in full. It&#39;s important to note that we&#39;ve been dating for about 10 months, and we&#39;re not at the point in our relationship where we share finances. I&#39;m not exactly broke but I&#39;m not rich either. I asked her, nicely, about two months ago whether she was going to be able to pay me back and she was adamant that she would. I mentioned it again about a month ago and she told me not to worry and that she would pay me back.   For her birthday, she mentioned that she wanted the new Airpods Pro - I didn&#39;t once ever make her believe that I was getting them for her, it was just something she had mentioned a few times in passing. Her birthday rolls around, and I took her out to a nice fancy dinner and got her flowers and a card. As her &quot;gift&quot;, I decided to wipe her debt away. It was starting to drive a wedge between us and I didn&#39;t want it to be hanging over the both of us going forward, as I intend to be with her for a while. She was pissed about this, and told me that it isn&#39;t a gift and I&#39;m an asshole for even considering it. Am I in the wrong here? I genuinely thought I was doing something nice, and $400 is much more than I would have spent on a gift. Let me know if I&#39;m wrong. Thanks,   Edit: lots of people messaging me saying I&rsquo;m a terrible boyfriend and that a man should support a woman financially. First of all, no. Second of all, I&rsquo;m a woman and we are lesbians. I should&rsquo;ve been more explicit about that but I didn&rsquo;t think it was material to the situation. Forgiving debt is definitely a nice gesture--it seems to me like her girlfriend is being a little ungrateful. Plus, a nice dinner, flowers and a card is already a gift. At least it&#39;s better than a Peloton bike...Naturally, the internet weighed in...&quot;beargrowlz&quot; wrote: Mmm, NAH. Maybe a soft YTA (You&#39;re the As*hole), but you didn&#39;t mean to be. I think if I were in your girlfriend&#39;s position I would have preferred a conversation ahead of time: &quot;hey gf, I was thinking that as a birthday gift I&#39;d wipe the 400 you owe me, and we can go out for a nice dinner to celebrate. What do you think?&quot; Some people like practical gifts and some people like emotional gifts. Some people would see that as a great gift, and some people would see it as a punishment for being in debt. People&#39;s relationships with money are weird and unpredictable, and in my opinion you shouldn&#39;t try to surprise somebody when it comes to significant financial matters. &quot;Rahvithecolorful&quot; wrote: She asked for the new AirPods, though. She wanted an expensive and specific gift. She clearly values monetary and practical value in gifts. If she hadn&#39;t said anything about Airpods, I&#39;d completely agree with you. That said, some people still think that gifts have to be actual physical gifts no matter what, so it&#39;s still a point. Not the best thing to surprise someone with unless you know them really well. &quot;bologna_homie&quot; wrote: some life advice... in the future never consider giving money to friends or family as a loan. Think of it as a gift and something you will never get back. &quot;Rhynegains&quot; wrote: Look, she&#39;s greedy and shady, yes. But not really an asshole here. You two didn&#39;t set up a payment plan or anything - so she saw no deadline for paying you back. While not great, that&#39;s just how some people think. Birthdays are times for thoughtfulness and gifts. Not Airpods or anything like that. The flowers were nice and so was the card... but you didn&#39;t actually give her anything she could keep long. Like even a nice stuffed animal or something. I&#39;m not saying anything expensive, just something that isn&#39;t going to be a burden in a few days.   Clearing the debt wasn&#39;t really a gift, just something bothering you that you decided to get rid of. You pulled up that sore spot during her birthday. Not a good idea. When you loan someone money, you need to set an actual repayment schedule with them. You didn&#39;t. Then made her birthday about the debt. It wasn&#39;t nice, just brought up a sore spot in the day she&#39;s supposed to feel good.   Her reaction is a red flag and wanting Airpods is a big no. But those aren&#39;t really her being TA just her being someone I wouldn&#39;t have any interest in dating. In the future - don&#39;t make someone&#39;s special event about what they owed you. Not a good play. Tackle that subject outside of events and special occasions. &quot;ShelfLifeinc&quot; wrote: A birthday is not a time for doing &quot;practical gifts&quot; unless the birthday person SPECIFICALLY requests it. A birthday is not a time to clear someone&#39;s debt, replace their tyres, clean their gutters, or buy extra disc space for their computer (ahem, ahem, my future husband). If you didn&#39;t want to buy her a present outside of taking her out for a fancy dinner and getting her flowers, fine. But these are things to make her valued and cared for. Clearing her debt isn&#39;t a present, it&#39;s a show-off: &quot;I cleared your debt to me to show you what a good person I am, because you haven&#39;t paid me back the money you owe me.&quot; If this debt was driving a wedge between the two of you, the time for addressing it was not on her birthday. &quot;LawGrad001&quot; wrote: Dinner, flowers, and a card sounds nice to me without even the debt part. So, there you have it! The moral compass of the wonderful world of Reddit has concluded that this woman is kind of an as*hole. Scratching off something that&#39;s bothering you on your own checklist isn&#39;t exactly a birthday gift to someone else.

Discussing money in romantic relationships can be pretty challenging sometimes.  If you loan your significant other money, the best mentality is probably to just assume you won&#39;t get it back. That way, if you get it back it&#39;s a...