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Woman asks if she's wrong to skip wedding because 'partner' isn't invited.

Woman asks if she's wrong to skip wedding because 'partner' isn't invited.


Plus-ones can be a touchy subject when it comes to weddings, especially if a guest has to travel to attend...

Asking for another invitation on top of the one you already received is generally considered rude, but if you have a close relationship with the couple getting married then it's an ask-at-your-own-risk situation.

So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the online courtroom of moral philosophy otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole?' about her lack of a plus-one to a wedding, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not going to a wedding after my platonic SO ('Boston Marriage') of 18 years wasn't invited?

I am currently 42F as is platonic soulmate Betty. Now that weddings are happening here however with guest limitations the invites are coming in. I currently have an issue with a friend of mine who has opted to extend a plus one to another friend Lora, who has only been with her boyfriend for <6 months but not to myself so I can bring Betty who I've been living with for the last 18 years.

It would have been fine if Betty had gotten a separate invite as she is friends with the bride too but she didn't. When I received the invite with no plus 1s I was a bit hurt because we've always had the invite extended to us ever since we purchased a house together 16 years ago.

So when I was catching up with Lora, she mentioned that she was bringing her boyfriend to the wedding so I asked if she got a plus 1 and she said yes and then asked me I got one for Betty or if Betty was invited. I said no, there was an awkward pause so I just said, it's hard with guest limits and we moved on.

I ended up RSVPing no however because it's her wedding and I wasn't going to make a fuss. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal but I got a call from the bride asking me for a reason. I kept deflecting but she starting asking if she had offended me or was it because we hadn't kept in touch much during lockdown so I thought I would be honest and tell her it was because Betty hadn't been invited.

She pointed out that Betty wasn't my SO and I told her Betty is my platonic SO and had been for 18 years where as Lora had only known her bloke for less than 6 months so he hardly counts as an SO. She said I was being unreasonable because the SO title was for romantic relationships and weddings are to celebrate romantic unions but I told her I felt it was unreasonable that Betty hadn't been invited.

She told me I couldn't dictate her guest list and and I could tell things weren't going to be resolved so I finished the call by telling her that under no circumstance was I wanting her to extend an invite to Betty if she felt her guest list couldn't accommodate it but she should respect that I had RSVP'd no.

I also wished her all the best for her wedding day. She was still not happy but accepted the outcome of the call (or so I thought).

I think she's gone and vented to Lora because Lora reached out to me. She said gently, I should go because the bride had basically escaped an abusive marriage and found love so her first wedding didn't really count. I told Lora though that I'm a little over my relationship being 2nd tier all the time when it's outlasted most of my friend's marriages.

Lora said she understood and agreed Betty should be invited but it was a shame because the bride is torn up because we've been friends for nearly 20 years and she felt she didn't have my support. I told Lora though that I also felt after 20 years of friendship, I didn't have support for my relationship either.

So AITA for not going?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

NTA (Not the As*hole). It is extremely bad form not to invite an SO or spouse to a wedding and to expect the other to show up alone. The fact you two are platonic is irrelevant. You are a couple in this case and it's the bride who owes you an apology. - Cat_in_an_oak_tree

NTA. Platonic relationships are as valid as romantic relationships and if after 20 years of friendship (18 of those you were with Betty) she didn't understand that, there maybe is a problem in your friendship and in how she sees your relationship with Betty.

You didn't even try to make Betty invited, you just said no and that was it but she is the one who said you couldn't dictate her guest list when that's not what you did. So yeah, NTA. - lexa166

NTA. Bride needs to realize that most people bring a plus one for comfort and company during the festivities of the day & that it is very impolite to extend the plus one invitation to some guests and not all. Especially those guests who talk amongst each other. - bigbunnybee

NTA You RSVP’d as a no. That should have been the end of it. It was incredibly tacky and rude for the bride to call you about it. - Beautiful_mistakes

YTA (You're the as*hole). You are mad your best friend wasn't invited to a wedding with you. You are ridiculous. - 3340bronqen

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) I don't understand, if it's a platonic relationship, then you are just friends living together right? Or even if you consider her family? I feel like it's not weird to invite only the member of the family that you are friends with and not their whole family or friends. If she's only friends with you, I think it makes sense that she would only invite you - Drink_Green

So, there you have it!

While the opinions were mixed on this one, most people thought that this woman had every right to decline an invitation to a wedding without an explanation to the bride, but expecting her platonic partner to be invited was a bit of a stretch. Good luck, everyone!

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