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<h2>If you invite your partner to work event, it&#39;s expected that they&#39;ll be professional and not enter a vodka blackout on the dance floor or go scuba diving in the punch bowl, but can you micromanage their entire outfit and personality?</h2><p>So, when a frustrated woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the As*hole&quot; about whether or not she&#39;s wrong to demand compensation for putting on a performance complete with a housewife costume at her boyfriend&#39;s work parties, people were quick to help deem a verdict.</p><h2><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/stzdvw/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_that_if_he_wants_me/">AITA</a> (Am I the As*hole) for telling my boyfriend that if he wants me to dress and present a certain way, he needs to pay for my clothes, hair, nails and time?</h2><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m a woman in a career field which really doesn&#39;t care about appearances. My boyfriend is in a job where looks matter more, investment banking. He wears suits and has to present himself as more wealthy to look good at work.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>My boyfriend wanted me to come to some work events, dinners or happy hours, but he said that it was something we&#39;d need to dress up for.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I offered to wear some nice dresses I have and he said that it was more than that: his coworkers wives and girlfriends wore designer, had professionally done hair and nails, and that it really was just what was needed to succeed in his workplace.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>So, he considered it a professional expense. I said that made sense for himself, but I&#39;m not responsible for his professional expenses.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>He agreed to pay for the clothes and salon appointments and I also asked him to compensate me for my time getting &quot;presentable&quot; for those events.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Additionally, if he wanted me to act a certain way during these events which was different than my usual behavior at a social event, it should be treated like work and I&#39;d expect to be paid for my time.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>He thought that was unfair, saying that it was weird to charge my boyfriend to attend an event with him. I said that if I&#39;m not attending as myself, but instead presenting an image for business development purposes. That&#39;s not socializing, that&#39;s labor.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>He agreed to that at the end, and we came up with a list of things I&#39;d need to attend an event with him: designer dress, designer heels, jewelry, hair done, nails done, makeup done, handbag. He picked out the dress, heels, and bag, and he asked me to find salons to have my hair, nails, and makeup done.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>When I told him how much the cosmetics appointments and the time I spent on them cost he was upset it was $700. And adding that to the clothes he bought and the time we&#39;d be at the event, it was coming to almost $2000.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>We went and I played the part, it was uneventful. Nobody paid me much attention. Felt like a bit of a waste, but whatevs. Afterwards when I mentioned that I wanted to borrow his card to make an appointment to get the nails removed, since I needed them filed down by a professional before work, he got frustrated with me and said that I was milking him for money and I was only with him for money.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I told him that I make the same as he does. He got pissed and said that most girls know how to dress themselves and do their own makeup nice. I got so frustrated I said sarcastically &quot;go date most girls then, I&#39;m sure &#39;most girls&#39; would love being treated like a human dress-up doll!&quot;</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>He got really mad about that and I feel frustrated too, like he expects me to do sh*t unpaid for his work! Like I would never ask him to do sh*t for my job, let alone do my job unpaid!</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>AITA for wanting to be paid if my labor was going towards my boyfriend&#39;s career?</p> </blockquote><h2>Later, she updated the post to answer some questions:</h2><blockquote> <p>There are a lot of questions about why I thought it was justified to ask for compensation for my time...</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>The hair and makeup and nails and tailoring appointments took about 10 hours. I had to take a full day off work, and since I am a consultant who bills hourly, I was losing a day&#39;s wages to perform tasks my boyfriend wanted to benefit his career.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>If I ever asked my boyfriend to lose wages at his job to perform tasks for my job, I&#39;d think it would be fair to pay him for his work too.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m always happy to attend social events and be polite, friendly, and talk to people and get to know them. For free. But this wasn&#39;t what he was asking of me, he wanted me to act.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>To not speak of my actual hobbies or career and to give the impression that I am a stay-at-home partner. To claim to ski...I have no idea how to ski! To only order &quot;classy&quot; drinks and none of the drinks I actually drink.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>That doesn&#39;t strike me as going to an event as a partner, that strikes me as going to an event as an actress or performer. Which is a whole job!</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I also find it very strange how feminine labor is undervalued. He said that he needed me to do something for him to support his career because his bosses expect it of me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>If this was any other kinda work, it would be absurd to do it unpaid. Like if he said &quot;Hey my boss needs a truck loaded, and everyone knows that&#39;s what the girlfriends do...Can you come by and load the truck? Also you&#39;ll need to bring your own forklift&quot; ABSURD!</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>If he asked me &quot;Hey, my boss heard you&#39;re an engineering consultant and wants you to evaluate this software architecture...And he expects it for free because that&#39;s what girlfriends are for!&quot; That&#39;s absurd! I&#39;d be sending my rates.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>So why is it acceptable to say, &#39;Hey, my workplace expects me to bring a woman to play a very specific role, you will need to do 10 hours of preparation tasks for free for the benefit of my career. And you should cover the cost of parts and labor?&quot;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I wish that was considered equally absurd... But it&#39;s almost like women&#39;s work and hospitality is an undervalued form of labor??? Hmm.</p> </blockquote><h2>Does this boyfriend know what year it is?</h2><p>If this was 1956 and not 2022 then perhaps this would make sense, but forcing your partner to lie about their career and interests in order to blend in with your coworker&#39;s wives is truly bizarre behavior.</p><p>Clearly he isn&#39;t paying attention to who he&#39;s dating if he thinks that &quot;most girls&quot; come out of the womb knowing how to do the exact makeup his office holiday party expects. Has he ever had to sit through a blowout appointment or acrylic nail appointment? It&#39;s monotonous and boring even when you&#39;re excited about the result.</p><h2>Of course, people were eager to chime into this &quot;Mad Men&quot;-style drama. Here&#39;s what the jury of internet strangers had to say:</h2><blockquote> <p>NTA (Not the As*hole). The only issue I see with your behavior is you aren&rsquo;t just dumping the guy. He&rsquo;s desperate to turn you into some Barbie-fied image of what he thinks his girlfriend should be to impress his bro-ey as*hole coworkers. He&rsquo;s insecure and controlling and whiny, and you seem pretty bada*s and like you can do a whole lot better. - Temporary_Badger</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>NTA, you&#39;re my hero for putting an appropriately high value on your time. - NesssMonster</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>NTA. If he wants a trophy on his arm he can pay for it. If she wouldn&#39;t normally do any of that fancy crap, she shouldn&#39;t have to put any $ into it. - Chay_Charles</p> </blockquote><h2>So, there you have it!</h2><p>Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman isn&#39;t wrong at all to insist on being paid for time and energy required to alter her entire appearance and personality for her boyfriend&#39;s professional outings. Clearly what he needs and expects from her is not what she is or wants to be in her real life and if he insists on having an actress on his arm, he should pay a performer&#39;s rate.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Getting fake nails and an updo for an office happy hour is a big ask, and if she has to sit in a chair for hours in order to look like a person that isn&#39;t at all who she is, then he should fund this ridiculous journey. Regardless of the transaction, this relationship is probably cursed. Good luck, everyone!</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if she's wrong to make BF pay for what she needs to attend his work events.

If you invite your partner to work event, it&#39;s expected that they&#39;ll be professional and not enter a vodka blackout on the dance floor or go scuba diving in the punch bowl, but can you micromanage their entire outfit and personality?So, when a frustrated woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the As*hole&quot; about whether or not she&#39;s wrong to demand compensation for putting on a performance complete with a housewife costume at her boyfriend&#39;s work parties, people were quick to help deem a verdict.AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my boyfriend that if he wants me to dress and present a certain way, he needs to pay for my clothes, hair, nails and time? I&#39;m a woman in a career field which really doesn&#39;t care about appearances. My boyfriend is in a job where looks matter more, investment banking. He wears suits and has to present himself as more wealthy to look good at work.   My boyfriend wanted me to come to some work events, dinners or happy hours, but he said that it was something we&#39;d need to dress up for.   I offered to wear some nice dresses I have and he said that it was more than that: his coworkers wives and girlfriends wore designer, had professionally done hair and nails, and that it really was just what was needed to succeed in his workplace.   So, he considered it a professional expense. I said that made sense for himself, but I&#39;m not responsible for his professional expenses.   He agreed to pay for the clothes and salon appointments and I also asked him to compensate me for my time getting &quot;presentable&quot; for those events.   Additionally, if he wanted me to act a certain way during these events which was different than my usual behavior at a social event, it should be treated like work and I&#39;d expect to be paid for my time.   He thought that was unfair, saying that it was weird to charge my boyfriend to attend an event with him. I said that if I&#39;m not attending as myself, but instead presenting an image for business development purposes. That&#39;s not socializing, that&#39;s labor.   He agreed to that at the end, and we came up with a list of things I&#39;d need to attend an event with him: designer dress, designer heels, jewelry, hair done, nails done, makeup done, handbag. He picked out the dress, heels, and bag, and he asked me to find salons to have my hair, nails, and makeup done.   When I told him how much the cosmetics appointments and the time I spent on them cost he was upset it was $700. And adding that to the clothes he bought and the time we&#39;d be at the event, it was coming to almost $2000.   We went and I played the part, it was uneventful. Nobody paid me much attention. Felt like a bit of a waste, but whatevs. Afterwards when I mentioned that I wanted to borrow his card to make an appointment to get the nails removed, since I needed them filed down by a professional before work, he got frustrated with me and said that I was milking him for money and I was only with him for money.   I told him that I make the same as he does. He got pissed and said that most girls know how to dress themselves and do their own makeup nice. I got so frustrated I said sarcastically &quot;go date most girls then, I&#39;m sure &#39;most girls&#39; would love being treated like a human dress-up doll!&quot;   He got really mad about that and I feel frustrated too, like he expects me to do sh*t unpaid for his work! Like I would never ask him to do sh*t for my job, let alone do my job unpaid!   AITA for wanting to be paid if my labor was going towards my boyfriend&#39;s career? Later, she updated the post to answer some questions: There are a lot of questions about why I thought it was justified to ask for compensation for my time...   The hair and makeup and nails and tailoring appointments took about 10 hours. I had to take a full day off work, and since I am a consultant who bills hourly, I was losing a day&#39;s wages to perform tasks my boyfriend wanted to benefit his career.   If I ever asked my boyfriend to lose wages at his job to perform tasks for my job, I&#39;d think it would be fair to pay him for his work too.   I&#39;m always happy to attend social events and be polite, friendly, and talk to people and get to know them. For free. But this wasn&#39;t what he was asking of me, he wanted me to act.   To not speak of my actual hobbies or career and to give the impression that I am a stay-at-home partner. To claim to ski...I have no idea how to ski! To only order &quot;classy&quot; drinks and none of the drinks I actually drink.   That doesn&#39;t strike me as going to an event as a partner, that strikes me as going to an event as an actress or performer. Which is a whole job!   I also find it very strange how feminine labor is undervalued. He said that he needed me to do something for him to support his career because his bosses expect it of me.   If this was any other kinda work, it would be absurd to do it unpaid. Like if he said &quot;Hey my boss needs a truck loaded, and everyone knows that&#39;s what the girlfriends do...Can you come by and load the truck? Also you&#39;ll need to bring your own forklift&quot; ABSURD!   If he asked me &quot;Hey, my boss heard you&#39;re an engineering consultant and wants you to evaluate this software architecture...And he expects it for free because that&#39;s what girlfriends are for!&quot; That&#39;s absurd! I&#39;d be sending my rates.   So why is it acceptable to say, &#39;Hey, my workplace expects me to bring a woman to play a very specific role, you will need to do 10 hours of preparation tasks for free for the benefit of my career. And you should cover the cost of parts and labor?&quot;   I wish that was considered equally absurd... But it&#39;s almost like women&#39;s work and hospitality is an undervalued form of labor??? Hmm. Does this boyfriend know what year it is?If this was 1956 and not 2022 then perhaps this would make sense, but forcing your partner to lie about their career and interests in order to blend in with your coworker&#39;s wives is truly bizarre behavior.Clearly he isn&#39;t paying attention to who he&#39;s dating if he thinks that &quot;most girls&quot; come out of the womb knowing how to do the exact makeup his office holiday party expects. Has he ever had to sit through a blowout appointment or acrylic nail appointment? It&#39;s monotonous and boring even when you&#39;re excited about the result.Of course, people were eager to chime into this &quot;Mad Men&quot;-style drama. Here&#39;s what the jury of internet strangers had to say: NTA (Not the As*hole). The only issue I see with your behavior is you aren&rsquo;t just dumping the guy. He&rsquo;s desperate to turn you into some Barbie-fied image of what he thinks his girlfriend should be to impress his bro-ey as*hole coworkers. He&rsquo;s insecure and controlling and whiny, and you seem pretty bada*s and like you can do a whole lot better. - Temporary_Badger   NTA, you&#39;re my hero for putting an appropriately high value on your time. - NesssMonster   NTA. If he wants a trophy on his arm he can pay for it. If she wouldn&#39;t normally do any of that fancy crap, she shouldn&#39;t have to put any $ into it. - Chay_Charles So, there you have it!Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman isn&#39;t wrong at all to insist on being paid for time and energy required to alter her entire appearance and personality for her boyfriend&#39;s professional outings. Clearly what he needs and expects from her is not what she is or wants to be in her real life and if he insists on having an actress on his arm, he should pay a performer&#39;s rate.Getting fake nails and an updo for an office happy hour is a big ask, and if she has to sit in a chair for hours in order to look like a person that isn&#39;t at all who she is, then he should fund this ridiculous journey. Regardless of the transaction, this relationship is probably cursed. Good luck, everyone!

If you invite your partner to work event, it&#39;s expected that they&#39;ll be professional and not enter a vodka blackout on the dance floor or go scuba diving in the punch bowl, but can you micromanage their entire outfit and...