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Woman asks if she's wrong for snapping at BFF for being passive-aggressive about money.

Woman asks if she's wrong for snapping at BFF for being passive-aggressive about money.


Money is one of the most divisive topics out there. Even the warmest of friendships can be tarnished by a loan gone wrong or different perspectives on how class shapes our quality of life.

When it comes to money struggles and privileges, it can be difficult to find the line between complete honesty and mutual respect. If you're the more privileged in a friendship, money talk might feel like a personal attack on your character.

But if you've had to struggle more, it might feel unfair to have to tone down your very real experiences. Regardless of where the coin falls, if you want to keep a friendship healthy it's best to use direct communication, instead of passive aggression.

In a recent post on the Am I The A**hole subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for publicly calling out her friend for being passive aggressive about money.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my best friend it's not my fault my parents were able to support me and hers weren't?

I (23f) have a good friend (24f) who I've known since high school. We'll call her Kathy. For context, I come from a lower middle-class family while Kathy comes from a lower-class family.

My family isn't rich, but I was fortunate enough to have my parents support me so I can focus on school while Kathy's parents weren't able to do the same so she had to support herself.

I can't remember when it started, but Kathy would make comments about how super lucky I was to have my parents pay for my things. I didn't mind the comments at first, but recently her comments became more passive-aggressive and snarky.

I just assumed she was stressed from trying to find a job after graduating. She would say things like 'I'm glad I didn't have to rely on my parents like (my name) did' or 'finding a job is hard since I didn't have it easy like (my name).'

She would say these things around my other group of friends and put me in an awkward spot since they would agree with her sometimes. The other night I was hanging out with Kathy and the rest of our friends.

We were talking about how we wanted to raise our kids in the future. Right away I had an idea of where this was going. Kathy started saying that she was going to make her kids work for their own things and learn how to be independent.

I had no problem with what she was saying until she said something like 'people who were given everything by their mommy and daddy their entire life don't know how to be grateful for things and wouldn't survive in the real world'

I immediately responded that my parents supported me and I turned out to be just fine. I'm 'surviving in the real world' and also repaying my parents through gifts, helping them pay bills, and so forth.

Kathy laughed and said that I had it easy my entire life so I had no say in the conversation. That's when I called her out on her behavior and told her that while I do respect her for not relying on her parents, she needs to stop her comments.

It's not my fault my parents were able to support me and hers weren't. Things got awkward for the rest of the night, and Kathy and I haven't talked since.

One of my friends said that my comment was insensitive while another friend said it was okay to call Kathy out since she's been doing this for a while now. Sometimes I feel like Kathy was projecting her emotions onto me.

So am I the a**hole for what I said?

Internet commenters were quick to chime in with their takes on the situation.

Monklish_Posters thinks OP was completely in the right:

NTA. She passively-aggressively insulted you repeatedly - she poked the bear. You don't have to tolerate verbal abuse.

ZoomZoomZachAttack thinks OP should dump her 'friend':


Ditch Kathy, she's not a friend. Sounds like you have the same friend group so might not be possible.

Turkeysocks thinks Kathy needs to process her feelings in a more healthy way:


While it sucks that Kathy couldn't get help from her parents like you did, that doesn't give her the right to act like an AH to you. And yes, Kathy is projecting the fact she's jealous that your parents helped her while hers couldn't.

Chances are she hasn't seen you as a friend for a long time. I think you should just cut off contact with her, and that friend who said you were insensitive. Don't let AH's pull you down.

random_user_71 doesn't understand why it's bad to receive support from your parents:

NTA. As a mother now, I don’t understand why so many of my friends in high school would totally bag on people whose parents supported them financially. “Oh did mommy and daddy buy that for you?”

I remember people saying to others and even I would talk about the kids who had that. But now as a parent, I’m proud that I can help my kids out. Absolutely I bought it for them.

I’m also going to allow them to live rent-free at home until around 25 if they want, to build up their savings and give them a financial foundation for their future. I’m no longer seeing how parental support is a bad thing!

And if you were wondering, I started my first job at 14 and did everything on my own. We were all envious of those kids but couldn’t admit it.

honey-smile thinks OP should get far away from Kathy:

NTA and this woman is not your friend. Take it from someone who’s been in your shoes and played it out until the end.

Find people who care about you and support you - not tear you down every chance they get.

It appears most of the commenters agree that OP was within her rights to say something, and Kathy needs to process her feelings without lashing out.

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