Woman asks if it was wrong to tell heavier coworker she'd be thin if she ate like her.

In general, it's best not to comment on other people's bodies, particularly in judging or negative ways. There's no way for you to truly know what someone is dealing with health-wise, whether they have a history of eating disorders, or what their relationship to their own self-image is like.

So, chiming in with presumptuous comments (whether negative or positive) can be massively triggering.

Plus, there are plenty of ways to engage with people without making them feel objectified. Sadly though, we live in a body-obsessed culture where fat people are routinely shamed and thin people are constantly ogled, and women in particular face massive scrutiny no matter what they look like.

This can create massive tension between women where there should be support and solidarity, and unfortunately, these dynamics are never cut and dry.

In a post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her coworker for constantly making comments about how skinny she is.

AITA: I told my overweight coworker is she ate like me she would look like me.

Alright, throw away account, mostly because I’m at work and can't remember what my actual login is.

OP shared that she's been thin her whole life, and regularly exercises and eats healthy to maintain her weight.

However, she wrote that she also acknowledges the complexity of body diversity and doesn't hold fatphobic views.

I (25F) have been pretty skinny all my life. I eat healthy most of the time, exercise regularly, do not consume my weight in PopTarts (a real problem in college). I also don't think I’m better than fat people.

I think obesity is a complex issue and merely reducing the obesity epidemic to ‘Move More, Eat Less’ doesn’t take into account the socio-economic complexities, mental health issues, physical health issues, etc. I don’t make comments like ‘OMG I’m so fat’ when I eat a slice of cake. I don’t talk about going on diets. I don’t judge other people’s food choices. I don’t really care about what you eat.

About six months ago OP's new coworker Diane joined her office, Diane is older than OP and overweight and constantly makes critical comments about how OP is too skinny, and her salad lunches promote diet culture.

About 6 months ago, a coworker named “Diane” (40F) transferred to our office (we are “essential” so no work from home). She’s overweight and has constantly made remarks about my food choices. If I eat a salad, she’ll talk about how I have an eating disorder and promote toxic diet culture.

She’ll say my body is ‘unnatural’ and ‘real women’ have curves. One time she even tried to make a case that the reason I’m still single is because men don’t find my skinny body attractive. Sometimes, though, she’ll do a complete 180.

Other times, Diane remarks on how lucky OP is to be able to 'eat whatever she wants.'

She’ll make remarks about how it ‘must be nice’ to be young with a metabolism like mine, or to have genetics that allow me to eat whatever I want without gaining an ounce. Lady, weren’t you just calling me anorexic yesterday because I had a salad for lunch? This constant harassment has really been getting to me. I feel like I can’t eat in the office anymore.

OP has asked Diane to stop multiple times, and even took the issue to HR, but HR claimed it wasn't true harassment.

I have tried to get this to stop. I have told her firmly to stop. I have told her politely to stop. I have ignored her. I even went to HR and was told this ‘wasn’t harassment’ so they ‘couldn’t do anything about it’.

Well, this all came to a head today. Ever since my first job, I have brought in ‘Spoopy’ Rice Krispie treats on the first day of October. They’re just dyed orange and green with pumpkin and Frankenstein faces on them. I grabbed one and Diane said ‘I wish I could eat like you and still look like you.’

The tension came to a head recently when Diane said she wished she could eat like OP and look like OP, to which OP snapped and responded 'you probably would look like me if you ate like me.'

I said, “If you ate like me you probably would look like me’ Grabbed another and walked back to my desk. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I was the a*shole, until another co-worker said that what was extremely hurtful to Diane.

When I pointed out that she had been bullying me since she got here, the co-worker told me it wasn’t the same. That it would be like using a racial slur against an African American bully.

Another coworker claimed OP took it too far, since she isn't the one who faces discrimination for being a fat woman, and thinks OP should've taken the high road.

I went too far because I can’t possibly understand the discrimination overweight women face and I should have found another way to deal with it. I’ll admit, having never been fat myself, I don’t know the full extent of discrimination against fat people and I DO NOT want to stoop to the levels of bigots. But how else am I supposed to deal with this?

OP feels conflicted, since she truly doesn't want to act in a way that could be considered cruel or bigoted, but she feels at her wit's end with Diane.

So, random strangers on the internet, AITA?

TogarSucks thinks OP should keep a record of everything and return to HR.

Go right back to HR with this new co-worker’s conversation. Elaborate on how Diane’s attitude has now resulted in hostility from other employees. Make sure to keep a record of all these conversations with HR and how they declined to intervene. If you reported her in work email print it immediately. Always keep your a*s covered. NTA.

Konorlc pointed out the false equivalence OP's coworker made, and how it invalidates their point of view.

NTA. Holy f**k. Equating racism with what you said tells you all you need to know. That person's opinion is invalid.

More people need to stand up for themselves like you did. Good on ya Champion.

italy2986 has worked in HR and absolutely thinks what Diane has been doing constitutes as harassment.

Exactly this IS harassment as someone that’s worked in HR. Tell them if they won’t take it seriously maybe their boss will or someone with the state labor board will take it seriously. That should snap them into gear. Harassing someone about their weight is not okay you should feel safe going to work and eating what you want.

jaidenlm doesn't understand why it's okay for Diane to be a bully just because she's overweight.

NTA. She is bullying you and, because, she's overweight, it's fine? Like, when did that become a thing? Yes, you could have just ignored her but, hey, if she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it.

Clearly, the internet sides with OP in this, and the ball is truly in HR's court.