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Woman who won't stop baking treats for 'work husband' gets threatened with HR. AITA?

Woman who won't stop baking treats for 'work husband' gets threatened with HR. AITA?


Figuring out boundaries with coworkers can be tricky. Some coworkers are all about building close friendships and camaraderie in the workplace, while others like to keep a clear line between personal friendships and work. Crossing a line, whether intentional or not, can be supremely awkward.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for making special snacks for her married coworker.

She wrote:

AITA for trying to accommodate my co-worker's diet? I (27F) have been at my current company for about two years. I like to cook and bake and my roommate is obsessively a healthy eater so I usually have a lot of leftovers and I always bring them to the office.

About a year ago ‘Denzel’ (29M) was hired. He and I hit it off right away, and within a few months people were joking that he and I were ‘work husband and wife’, which I thought was super funny and cute.

Denzel is already married and we have great chemistry but nothing has ever happened between us (I wish lol). At first, Denzel seemed to really like my baked goods, but then I noticed he had stopped eating the snacks I brought.

I asked him why and he said he and his wife were trying a keto diet. I decided to make some keto snacks so that Denzel could still partake, so I made a batch of Keto muffins the next week.

Denzel didn’t try those either, and when I asked he said he was trying to lose some weight. I said he didn’t look like he needed to, but that I’d try to make some healthy snacks next time so that he could partake in my food without compromising his diet.

He told me I didn’t need to make anything special on his account, but I found a recipe for low-calorie keto scones, and I made and brought those in a few days later. I also forwarded him information regarding fitness and calorie-counting apps that he could use as a resource.

Another coworker ‘Megan’ who is friends with Denzel and his wife outside of work took me aside, and said that I needed to stop pushing food on Denzel, that I was making him uncomfortable, and that it made it look like I was interested in him.

She threatened to report me to HR if I didn't stop. I was shocked and I tried to tell Megan that I was just being nice, and trying to accommodate everyone when bringing treats to the office.

Denzel never said anything about being uncomfortable, and reporting me to HR seemed like a huge overreaction on her part. I’m so confused now, AITA for offering food to coworkers and trying to accommodate Denzel’s diet?

People did not hold back their thoughts on this one.

YTA. Learn to read a room. Denzel is married. Denzel has another woman trying to feed him who does not take No for an answer. He TOLD you not to make him anything special. And you kept at this.

When he quit eating your food, you should have taken a hint. I think he called it EXACTLY right, you're parading yourself as potential wife material, and you're a very thin line from being pulled into HR to talk about appropriate work behavior.

You weren't bringing leftovers anymore. You were baking for a specific employee and pushing it at him. Alarms are ringing and you owe Megan a huge thank you for cluing you in before you lost a job.

Go look for AVAILABLE males that you do NOT work with rather than hoping the married coworker decides to cheat.

introspectiveliar wrote:

YTA. As soon as you said “I wish lol” it was obvious that you would like to have a closer, non-work-related romance with Denzel. It is obvious to him, so he put distance between you and you ignored the barriers he put up.

You aren’t trying to accommodate him. You are trying to attract him and he is: a. Married; and b. Not interested. Back off and respect his wishes that you leave him alone.

You are in jeopardy of not just looking pathetic in your workspace, but actually losing your job. He should and eventually will report your behavior to HR if you don’t stop. If you want to make healthy treats, make them for your roommate.

StAlvis wrote:


'He told me he's trying to lose weight.'

'He told me I didn’t need to make anything special on his account'

He's telling you he doesn't want to waste calories on snacks, period.

'I said he didn’t look like he needed to.'

Who cares what you think?

'I also forwarded him information regarding fitness and calorie counting apps.'

I'm sorry, who the f*ck are you? His doctor or his trainer?

'trying to accommodate everyone when bringing treats to the office'

Then get it through your skull that NOT wanting ANY treats is a valid-as-hell option.

Minute-Inflation-713 wrote:

YTA for not stopping when he politely asked you the first time. You keep making assumptions. He has drawn a clear boundary and even had a colleague re-state that boundary. Please take a seat and leave that man alone. You risk losing your job otherwise and these folk aren't in the wrong here, you are.

stroppo wrote:

YTA. I think D is aware of your unrequited interest in him (you say you wish he wasn't single and that it's 'cute' people joke about you being husband and wife) and is trying to distance himself from you.

I can understand first making the Keto muffins for him, but when he didn't eat them you should've taken the hint and stopped making him food. Instead, you made him more scones, and sent him info on his diet. That was getting pushy.

You weren't making food for the office, you were only bringing in leftovers. Now it looks like you were making special things for D, so you are singling him out. He was obviously getting uncomfortable. Heed your friend's advice who tells you to leave him alone.

Clearly OP is TA in this situation, and has crossed over the line of creepy, whether cognizant or not. Hopefully she listens and learns from this.

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